Here they are, Bob's pearls of wisdom and humor from last week's episodes. I know they are a bit late, thanks to having my hands full with a few things this week.

Enjoy!

Bob: "Hello, Margie! Yes, look at her! Marge, you came up those steps so beautifully!"
Margie: "Like a lady!"
Bob: "Yes, a perfect lady! How long have you watched this show? Now, Margie. See those three people? Why do you suppose they're down there?!"
Margie: "Well, they're young, that's why!"
Bob: "They're young?!"
Margie: "All the older people have to be on a platform!"
Bob: "I see. I am losing this argument, aren't I? Get off this stage! That's it. Get down there where you belong! Sometimes you have to quit being diplomatic, you've got to be strong!"
- Bob, after Margie decided "Come on down!" means "Come right up on stage!"

"All right! I just want to be comfortable, that's all!" - Bob, after the audience got impatient as he decided to straight out his suit and tie before revealing the last slip on Punch A Bunch

"He's forgotten what the prize was after that kiss!" - Bob, after Daryl got a kiss from Shane (one of the models) for luck, because he is on his way to Iraq (and here's hoping he makes it home in one piece)

"I hope this will not impair our relations with Canada..." - Bob, after Barbara lost Lucky Seven by $1

Bob: "Lillian, I bet you don't have a lot of model ships around."
Lillian: "I don't. I don't know anything about ships."
Bob: "I know. I haven't even looked at the price and I already know you know nothing about ships!"
- Bob, after Lillian bid $10 on a wooden model of the USS Constitution

Bob: "But, you're all right now."
Wilbert: "Yes, I am."
Bob: "But it's going to get worse, because you're standing next to Lillian!"
- Bob and Wilbert, after Bob got confused between One Bids when Wilbert removed his cap (not to mention Bob had originally misread Wilbert's nametag as "Walter")

"You know, on the golf course, the professionals, if you did that, they'd just have a conniption fit. They couldn't take it. But I love it! Go right ahead!" - Bob, on the "Bob! Bob! Bob!" chant from the audience during his inspiration putt - which he has made once again (now two in a row)

"Now, wait a minute. I'd like to just make a little suggestion... Don't hit it quite so hard this time!" - Bob, just before Nicole's second attempt, after he first putt was way, way too hard

"What year? It's a 1996!" - Bob, after Casey asked him what year the car was

"You should've seen David. He's standing there, signaling back and forth to his friends from Cal State Long Beach, on what he should bid! He's already got his bid ready on a prize he hasn't even seen yet. I think I'm going to go rest. This is too much!" - Bob, on David's sign language with his friends during the commercial break

"I don't think he saw it, did he? He didn't see it. I shut that thing back fast, didn't I? He didn't think the old man was that fast!" - Bob, after he accidentally revealed the price of the day bed early on Take Two

Either this week's Barkerism Of The Week proves that there is such a thing as being too honest, or that people should pay attention to the question before they answer!

Bob: "How long have you been confused, Lillian?"
Lillian: "Seventy one years."
Bob: "You know I've had the same problem for eighty two years!"
- Bob and Lillian, after she didn't know what group she was with

Labels: Barker Worship

I know Matt and Trey have declared war on $cientology, but this may have gone a bit too far...

I am sure everyone, of course, knows about the controversy over the last week and a half concerning Isaac Hayes and his departure from South Park. I'm not going to rehash that controversy here and now, simply because I don't know the truth anymore. In the last 36 hours, I've read everything from Hayes quit on his own, to Hayes was pressured to quit, to someone quit FOR him and that Hayes is in "no position to do much of anything right now" after a stroke in January. I don't know what the hell to believe, therefore I'm not sure what I should say (or what would be fair for me to say) on this matter at this time.

What I do know is last night's season premiere of South Park didn't exactly give me joy joy feelings...

On Monday, I had heard that Chef was going to "return" in this week's episode. Needless to say, I was wondering about what the hell Matt and Trey were going to pull. Was Chef coming back with someone else doing his voice (which I felt would've resulted in South Park jumping the shark)? Was he coming back as a mute? Would they "voice" him with previous sound clips? Would we discover that the whole "controversy" with Isaac Hayes was a hoax to generate publicity?

Well, sure enough, Chef was "voiced" by past sound clips. And it was not a pretty picture...

(Spoilers follow. Beware if you have yet to see the episode!)

Chef "returns" after leaving South Park to join the Super Adventure Club. However, Chef is not quite himself - he has been brainwashed into becoming a pedophile, and is facing big, big trouble after trying to seduce the children of South Park.

I honestly felt it might be a bad idea if they indeed edited together past quotes to give Chef his "voice" for this episode, but never did I imagine that these clips would be spliced together to have Chef say things like the following:

"Well, how about I meet you boys after work and we make love?!"

"I'm gonna make love to your asshole, children!"

"I wanna make love to you, children!"

"Kenny, how would you like to sodomize my black ass?"

It's obvious the statement that M&T wanted to make was that Isaac Hayes has been "brainwashed" by $cientology and "isn't the same", but I felt they took it a bit too far. There is a difference between a warped "religion" and pedophilia. It honestly felt like they wanted to go beyond making a statement, and instead humiliate Isaac (via Chef) - and in a very dishonorable way, when you think about it.

Of course, that wasn't the end of it. After being returned to his "normal" self, Chef was kidnapped by the SAC, and eventually killed while trying to escape. Now, it's not the fact they killed off Chef that bothered me, but the fact that his death was far more gruesome than any death Kenny ever experience (can we say more humiliation?)...

Chef was set on fire (while hanging onto the burning bridge that had been struck by lightning), battered (off several rocks while falling off the bridge and down a cliff), impaled by a tree stump, shot (by members of the SAC trying to shoot the mountain lion that attacked Chef), then torn to shreds by the mountain lion AND a grizzly bear.

I mean, if you wanted to put an end to the Chef character, couldn't it have been done been done with some class and dignity? Regardless of what has gone on between them and Hayes, couldn't one of the key characters to the series have received a better send-off?

I mean, I would imagine the staff behind MASH was less than pleased when McLean Stevenson jumped ship to move onto "bigger and better things". But at least they handled his departure with dignity:

"I have a message... Lieutenant Colonel Henry Blake's plane was shot down over the sea of Japan... it spun in... there were no survivors." No humilation, no digs, just a plane crash and he was gone. Would it have killed M&T to close the book on Chef with him going down in a plane crash as well?

Of course, it's still not over - after all, it's never this easy on South Park, especially when Matt and Trey are pissed. Because it would appear Chef isn't quite so dead after all. No, the SAC took what was left of him and placed him into the "ICU Suit". Say goodbye to Chef, boys and girls... And say hello to Darth Chef!

So, not only does he "come back" to be humiliated and gruesomely "killed", but now might even be the show's new villian.

I've experienced my share of thoughts and feelings at the end of nine seasons worth of episodes. But last night marked the first time I ever finished watching an episode and thinking "Holy fuck, that was depressing. Really..."

I didn't even feel that way seeing Kenny Dies, and Kenny is of course my favorite character. Of course, I hadn't watch very often during seasons 3-6, so I didn't see Kenny Dies until after Kenny was brought back...

Of course, Kenny Dies also isn't among my favorite episodes for another reason - namely, something Kenny said about someone we all know and love:

Laura (From the Make A Wish Foundation): So Kenny, if you could have ONE wish, what would it be?
Bob (also from the MAWF): What's your wish, pal?
Kenny: (I guess the only thing I wish is to not die.)
Laura: What did he say?
Kyle: He said his wish is not to die.
Laura: ...O-kay, and, what if you're gonna have two wishes, what would the second one be?
Bob: I know! I bet you wanna meet Madonna, huh?
Kenny: (No. Fuckin' Madonna...) [his words trail off and are hard to understand]
Bob: Wu what was that?
Kyle: He said Madonna is an old anorexic whore who wore out her welcome years ago, and that now she suddenly speaks with a British accent and she thinks she can play guitar and she should go fuck herself.

Old anorexic whore? I should go fuck myself? After years of you being my favorite?!

*Maddy throws her cigarette at Kenny, watches him catch fire*

Stan: OH MY GOD! MADONNA KILLED KENNY!
Kyle: YOU BASTARD!

Yeah, maybe that'll teach you to listen to authoritah!

I'm sorry, I got sidetracked...

Chef was not only an amusing character, but maybe the one adult on the show who seemed to have any brains. Where the other adults either seemed to be clueless or handle things the wrong way, Chef seemed to be the only one who ever had the right idea how to handle things, and knew the right advice to give. He was more to the show than the guy who tried to seduce women and sing suggestive songs, and I just can't help but to feel he deserved a better send-off than this.

I keep thinking about what we watched unfold in The Return Of Chef, and contrast it to what Kyle said during Chef's funeral, and I can't help but to get mixed messages on the whole thing:

"We're all here today because Chef has been such an important part of our lives. A lot of us don't agree with the choices that Chef has made in the past few days. Some of us feel hurt and confused that he seemed to turn his back on us. But we can't let the events of the last week take away the memories of how much Chef made us smile. I'm going to remember Chef as the jolly old guy who broke into song. I'm going to remember Chef as the guy who gave us advice to live by. So you see, we shouldn't be mad at Chef for leaving us. We should be mad at that fruity little club for scrambling his brains."

It's just hard to listen to that little speech, and have it feel right after what took place in this episode. I don't see turning Chef into a brainwashed child molester who gets "killed" as "remembering Chef as the guy who gave us advice to live by." Nor, do I get the feeling from watching this episode that Matt and Trey aren't mad at Isaac and just mad at that "fruity little club" - on the contrary, the episode comes across as very angry, and very vicious.

I know it's South Park. It's not only a fucking cartoon, but satire. But the episode not only feels like watching an ugly divorce unfold, but feels like M&T made sure that the bridge was burnt by setting fire to their end of it. This episode was one very bitter pill, and for all the "genius" of it, it's truthfully one of the least enjoyable episodes I've ever seen.

It's a shame Isaac Hayes' stay with the show, and his character, "ended" this way. It's a shame it couldn't have ended with a quick, dignified death and "remembering" the jolly old guy who broke into song. And, maybe it's just me being tired of seeing everything always end bitterly...

Has South Park finally jumped the shark? We'll see soon enough. If Darth Chef becomes a regular character and a tool in Matt and Trey's war versus $cientology, then I feel it's finally jumped. I honestly hope this is the end of the affair, and they go back to using South Park for something besides a childish vendetta.

Regardless, South Park is never going to be quite the same.

Labels: Gone But Not Forgotten, Jump The Shark, South Park

Due to being a bit behind, as well as the fact I only saw three entire episodes last week (one wasn't aired at all due to coverage of the NCAA tournament, the other wasn't aired in it's entirety), and not to mention the fact these were episodes from last October, I decided to combine both week's worth of Barkerisms into one posts.

While they may be old, they're still quite funny... Enjoy!

"Wait a minute. This is supposed to be an exciting game! This is possibly our most popular game, and it's not because of zeroes!" - Bob, after Danielle dropped her first three chips into $0

"I'll get one right sooner or later!" - Bob, after he had problems hearing what the contestants were bidding

"I know, everyone kisses me on the right cheek... The left cheek is left out!" - Bob, after Kimberly kissed him on the left cheek

"Hello there, Ophir. Yes, congratulations, Ophir, now get off this stage! Get down there in Contestant's Row, Ophir! Don't try that business... You know, he sat back there and thought 'That old man won't notice... I'll just run up on stage and play a pricing game!'" - Bob, after Ophir tried to run right up on stage after being picked

"Now, Darryl, I want you to spin the big wheel - and don't break it!" - Bob, just before Darryl (6'4", 285) spun

"I asked her why Fred doesn't come along. She said he doesn't want to stand in line that long. See, it's true - people do stand in line a long time, sometimes as much as 20 or 30 minutes!" - Bob, after Janice explained why her husband hasn't come to the show, despite the fact he watches everyday

"I thought he was going to bid $3,950. I was going to say that poor boy had been out in the heat too long!" - Bob, after he misheard Walter's $950 bid for the sofa

"Oh! After that buildup, what a bummer!" - Bob, after Matthew drew a strike on his first turn on Three Strikes

"I refuse to go on after telling you there are no zeroes, and no numbers higher than six. You are obviously not majoring in mathematics!" - Bob, after Ian rolled a 1 in Dice Game, and said the number was lower

"Now, when you tell people about winning this car on The Price Is Right, I want you to remember to tell anyone with whom you talk that that old, grey-haired Barker is a nice man!" - Bob, after Ian won his Mustang

"Connie here is visiting us from Washington, DC, and in this game, you have to spend as much money as you can. And we all know that in Washington, DC, they know something about spending money, don't they?" - Bob, just before Connie played Shopping Spree

"I've never felt so useless! I never said a higher or a lower... She just whipped right through it." - Bob, Lauri went from $750 to $799 without waiting for Bob to say higher or lower in Clock Game

"Now, if you don't stop it, I'm going to have to hit you really hard!" - Bob, after Lauri went higher than $900 after Bob said lower, clearly not listening

"We've finally hit the bottom. The Bottom family is here!" - Bob, on the Bottom group in the audience

"Where can we go from there? Only up, meaning the Up group should be here next week!" - Bob, still having fun with the Bottoms

"With all these Bottoms, I end with a phony here! It's the story of my life!" - Bob, after Kyle Collins (part of the Bottom group) was called down. Kyle's grandmother's last name was Bottom, hence why he was with the group

"I bet he wants to take the $1,000 and quit!" - Bob, after Dustin rolled four cars in his first roll on Let 'Em Roll

"You know, with his standing above me, celebrating and waving this thing (the large cup for the dice) around, I felt I was in real danger. I got rid of him real quick!" - Bob, on Dustin's celebration after he won the car

"Audience, I don't know whether you helped this young man, or confused him!" - Bob, on the audience's conflicting advice to Benjamin during Clearance Sale

"I look down here in Contestant's Row. Theresa, Alesha and Barbara are looking intently at the prize. Jade is down here doing callestenics. Literally, doing callestenics. I think that's taking exercise too far!" - Bob, on the overly energetic Jade

"Well, thank you. Let's just forget the game and talk about me!" - Bob, after Barbara won her way up on stage and said Bob's better looking in person

"I'll tell you, we use old cameras and they make me look older than I already am!" - Bob, on why he "looks better in person"

"This may be the longest come on down in Price Is Right history! Mae, come on down! No, don't stop her! No embracing! This is only an hour show!" - Bob, on Mae's incredibly lengthy come on down

"She may not have won a prize, but she's developed a bicep!" - Bob, on Jade's musculars arms (and prior exercising on Contestant's Row)

"This Check Game has been on the show a good, long time!" - Bob, after Derrick said he didn't know how to play Check Game since he hadn't seen it for "a good, long time"

"How did you ever get into Penn State?" - Bob, after Derrick still had no idea how to play Check Game

"One thing he has learned while at Penn State, much to the dismay of his father, is how to write checks!" - Bob, after Derrick finished writing the check

"It's not an overbid!" - Bob, after the contestants managed to avoid an overbid after two straight

"I'm just going to sit down while she does her callestenics!" - Bob, after Elisabeth won her way up on stage and kept jumping around and screaming

"The interesting thing is he didn't look at his wife until he got done to the olive oil. He thought he knew the price of all of these. Now, if you're way off, blame your wife!" - Bob, after Lloyd said he had no idea about the prices, but then ignored his wife's advice on the first three items

"My man, you should've been listening to your wife clear back here, at the pain reliever!" - Bob, after Lloyd badly missed the first three items, then was right on the nose (with his wife's help) on the last two

The Barkerism Of The Week from "two weeks ago":

"You know, I just had a young mother stand up and thank me profusely for curing her baby's colic. He's not a baby anymore? They're 11 and 8? Both of them were cured of their colic by watching The Price Is Right. Now, the first thing I want to know is how I can make money curing babies!" - Dr. Bob, on finding out that he and TPIR can work medical wonders

And "last week's":

Bob: "And this pretty little Candace has added something new to The Price Is Right vocabulary! As you recall, she played Pick A Number, where all you do is choose one number and put it in the price, and hopefully you win. Well, she said 'You gave me a blonde game to play!'"
Candace: "Yeah, and I screwed it up!"
Bob: "Proving that you really are a blonde!"

New episodes - and new Barkerisms - will resume today. Woo hoo!

Labels: Barker Worship

Yesterday, we lost one of the most popular and beloved game show hosts in recent history when Peter Tomarken, best known for hosting Press Your Luck, was killed in a plane crash off the Santa Monica coast yesterday morning.

Tomarken and his 41-year-old wife Kathleen were both lost when the plane went down due to reporter engine problems. Tomarken, a private pilot, was volunteering his time and plane for Angel Flight West, a nonprofit organization that provides free air travel for needy medical patients.

Tomarken's popularity with game show fans isn't just thanks to hosting Press Your Luck, but his charm, his class and his sense of humor. He had a well-deserved reputation of being a classy and gracious man, whether it be his comments on Michael Larson ("Not only did he deserve every penny, but he deserved more"), him urging viewers to give Todd Newton a chance after Todd beat him out to become the host of Whammy, or even in death - dying on a mission of mercy and compassion that he had volunteered for.

Peter was born in Olean, New York on December 7, 1942. After working early on as an editor for a couple publications (Women's Wear Daily and Business Week) in New York, he would move to California, where he spent several years working for a number of advertising agencies before moving on to acting. Among some of his earlier acting roles were playing a commercial director in an episode of The Rockford Files, and a reporter in the film Heaven Can Wait.

His first game show hosting gig would come in 1983, hosting the short-lived NBC game show Hit Man. Ironically, the announcer of Hit Man was Rod Roddy, who of course would move on with Peter to Press Your Luck later that same year. Hit Man, which never took off, is notorious to this day with game show fans, thanks to the late Rod Roddy's contestant plug in the series' final episode: "If you would like to be a contestant on Hit Man, forget it!"

(Ironically, the contestant who won the final episode of Hit Man was Randy West, who was a substitute announcer on The Price Is Right during Rod's illness and a candidate to replace him after he passed on).

Peter's big break came that fall, when he was named the host of the new series Press Your Luck, a remake of the short-lived Second Chance from the late 70's (both were produced and created by Bill Caruthers). The show became famous for it's state-of-the-art giant game board and animated Whammys, but a big part of the show's success was Peter's sense of humor and charm.

Here in the Los Angeles area, Press Your Luck was on CBS at 9:30 am, meaning I could always look forward to a morning of Peter and Bob, hosting PYL and The Price Is Right, on mornings when I was out of school. PYL was not only one of my favorite game shows, but Peter quickly became one of my favorite hosts.

It was during Peter's run hosting Press Your Luck that one of the most infamous and controversial moments in game show history took place. During the May 19, 1984 taping from Television City (PYL was taped in Studio 41, not 33 like TPIR is), Peter had a front-row seat for game show history as unemployed ice cream truck driver Michael Larson - who had memorized the patterns for the game's big board - avoided the Whammy time and time again, repeatedly nailing money plus an extra spin, and walked away with $110,237 in cash and prizes (at the time, a record for most money won in a single day on a game show). Peter, who would state years later that after about 8-10 spins he knew Larson had "broken the code" and couldn't be stopped, would have some timeless comments during the whole event:

"You have $20,336, nearly $16,000 more than Janie, and here we go! Wow!"

"$28,336, and Michael says let's go! Un-believable..."

"Michael, you're at $29,351 and you're going to keep going?! Here he goes! Roll that board... $29,000. This is why we call this show Press Your Luck... $3,000 and a spin! $32,351!"

"$32,851! How many spins has this been?! Unbelieve. Michael, four spin left. $32,851. You have $28,000 more than Janie. You're gonna go again?! He's going again! He's unbeliebable! Oh, Michael.... $4,000 and a spin! $4,000! You're now up to $36,851... Go again, he says! Go again! He's going again!"

"$37,601! Four spin left.. Go again?! What a hunk of money to ride... $37,601.. Wow... $3,000 and a spin! Over $40,000.. Go again?! Go again?! Go again?! Oh, my... Over $40,000 riding on one spin."

"$42,601. Michael, gonna go again?! you still have four spins? This is unreal. This is unbelievable. We've never had this happen..."

"$52,851! Michael, I've never seen any press their luck like you are, and you ARE pressing your luck!"

"Michael, you have over $65,000. Do you know what that means?!... Again?! Unbelievable, Michael..."

"Michael, you can get rid of the four spins. You can sell them!"

"$79,351. 33 spins... $4,000 and a spin! I don't believe it... $4,000... You're up to $83,351!"

"$90,851. Michael, the odds.. The odds, they're unbelievable. $90,851, and he goes again! What a hunk of money to go on one spin. Luck being a lady... $4,000 and a spin!"

"Michael, you did it, you're over $100,000! The board doesn't show it... You're up to $102,851!"

"Ed, if Michael can do it, you can do it. $4,080, only $98,000 to go!"

(Just after Ed hits a Whammy on his first spin) "I don't believe it... Michael, did you know that was coming!?"

"Stop a trip to the Bahamas. With that money, you can buy the Bahamas! $110,237..."

"Alright. Hold everything. You're at $10,135, Janie. Michael is at $110,237. To say the least, you'll have to get something that gives you an additional spin to stay in this game and continue, because CBS will relinquish their entire daytime schedule for this show to go on if you keep going!"

"Stop at a Mexican cruise... What's the difference?! It's Michael, who wins with $110,237! We'll be back, sometime..."

The episodes, which greatly embarassed CBS, would be aired only once for 19 years (the game was split into two shows, and aired on June 8 and 11, 1984), before GSN was finally given the rights to them (and were first aired during Big Bucks: The Press Your Luck Scandal, which Peter also hosted).

With ratings saging in early 1986, CBS would drastically cut the budget to the show, which only led to the ratings tumbling even further. In 1986, Press Your Luck was cancelled, and from there Peter would struggle to find another successful game show.

Where Rod had since moved on to replacing Johnny Olson as announcer on The Price Is Right, Peter would have the misfortune of hosting some shows that never took off. In 1987, he hosted a poorly-done TPIR clone on ABC called Bargain Hunters, a show so rotten that it led the usually-class Tomarken to snap once from off-stage that the show was "a piece of shit" (sadly, he was right). After that, he hosted and produced Wipeout, a very unique game show which never got a fair chance. After failing to land the hosting job on Monopoly (he hosted the pilot), Tomarken would disappear from the game show genre for several years - instead making a few guest appearances in shows or films, before returning in the mid 90's with several appearances on the newly-launched Game Show Network.

In recent years, Tomarken had essentially left show business, instead working as a real estate agent here in Southern California, though his job on Press Your Luck would bring him back to GSN a few times in the earlier part of this decade...

In ***2, Peter hosted one of two different pilots for the remake Whammy! The All New Press Your Luck (the other hosted by Todd Newton). Despite Peter's prior experience with the format, GSN ultimately went with Newton.

In 2003, Peter would host the Big Bucks special on Larson, which included interviews with the staff, Larson's two opponents, and where the entire Larson episodes were aired for the first time since June of 1984.

The day after the debut of Big Bucks, Peter would return to PYL one last time as he hosted the second question and answer round on a special episode of Whammy, pitting Ed Long and Janie Litrus Dikan up against James Larson (Michael had passed away on February 16, 1999) in a "rematch" from the historic 1984 game (James would make it 2 for 2 for the Larsons by winning).

Peter is survived by his former wife Dana, and the three children from their marriage (A son, Jason, and twin daughters Alexis and Candace). Peter and Kathleen had no children together.

My condolences to Peter's family, friends and fans. What is sad is we not only lost a great game show, but a great man. What is tragic is not only that Peter Tomarken is gone, but that he died doing something so compassionate and selfless...

A poster on golden-road.net had mention that we'd lost the three legends of PYL (Peter, Rod and Michael Larson) in recent years. With the passing of Bill Caruthers in 2003, we've actually lost four. All of them are without a doubt missed, and I hope wherever they are, they're having a blast at their reunion (though, I'm almost afraid to see Michael Larson's score right now...).

Rest in peace, Peter. You were a great game show host, and an even better man. You truly will be missed. Thank you for the great memories...

Labels: Gone But Not Forgotten

Well, it seems everyone else discusses wrestling, so why not me?

Recently, I did what was once unthinkable, and got WWE RAW for the PC. This game is four years old (and, sadly, the most recent wrestling game to come out for the PC). I figured it'd be a fun way to take out my aggressions. What I didn't count on was all the amusing things I could do with the game. Like beating the crap out of Kurt Angle, taking his gold medal and wearing it... Or creating amusing wrestlers.

After creating some custom superstars, and changing a few audio files, what I now have is the World's Most Hilarious Tag Team. They'll put you in stitches on the way into the ring - then make sure you leave in stitches once they're done in the ring.

And here they are, complete with links to the entrance videos (you will need the DivX codec to watch them.). The videos, sadly, are a bit choppy. I need a better capture program (any ideas?). Also, I'm not sure which Sherrie entrance to go with. Any thoughts?

Madonna
Nickname: The Material Girl
Entrance Music: "Material Girl" by well, me.
Entrance Moves: The Rock
Attire: Pink tank top, pink leather pants, pink gloves, black high heels
Arch enemies: Mariah "Basket Case" Carey, Britney "Trailer Trash" Spears (I know, that OTHER Madonna loves Britney. I don't!)
Madonna's entrace

Sherrie Austin
Nicknames: Stone Cold Sherrie Austin (haha!), The Saucy Aussie
Entrance Music: "Wild Ride" by Sherrie Austin
Entrance Moves: Steve Austin (Stone Cold), Undertaker (Saucy Aussie)
Attire: Black tank top, red leather pants, black cowboy hat, black high heels
Arch enemy: Shania "The Sissy" Twain (Potential new enemies: Faith Hill? Toby Keith?! Hahahaha!)
"Stone Cold" entrance
"Saucy Aussie" entrance

Bob Barker
Nickname: The Price Is Right Bitch
Entrance Music: "The Price Is Right" theme song (like he could enter to anything else after nearly 6,400 shows?!)
Entrance Moves: Rising Star
Attire: Black suit, brown tie, black dress shoes
Arch enemy: Happy "Bitch" Gilmore (Not to mention Samoans as well?)
Bob's entrance

Labels: Barker Worship, Madge Worship, Stone Cold Sherrie Austin

This last week has not been one that's been - as that Esther Madonna once said - "Something to Remember"... I spent the week getting more scatterbrained by the day, between a court hearing, a 12:30 am fire (the night before said court hearing, of course), having no phone service for 40 hours (thanks to said fire, of course), and problems getting ahold of my monthly check from my father (not related to any of the above, but obviously I had problems getting ahold of him because I HAD NO PHONE).

So, the end result was:

Accidentally taping over Tuesday's episode with a later episode of Deal Or No Deal (I was able to find Tuesday's episode online, which had been posted by members of golden-road.net for the viewers in New Orleans who didn't get TPIR)

NOT getting pricing game #3 from Wednesday's show (a big Three Strikes win) on tape, because they were working on the cable that morning (the cable service was also damaged from the fire). I had local channels, but no cable, but for about five minutes, I got left with a nice, blank picture.

Accidentally forgot to turn the TV from NBC to CBS on Thursday morning, hence taping whatever crap was on NBC that morning instead of Price (someone on the forum is going to get me that episode soon).

Fortunately, from what I do have, Bob was in his usual fine form last week. Unfortunately, I'd have more of Bob in his usual fine form if I wouldn't have spent the better part of the week running around like a chicken with its head cut off.

The next two weeks, we'll be getting reruns (boooo!). However, these episodes were from last October. As I likely haven't seen them, and Barkerisms haven't been posted from them, I will more than likely go ahead with business as usual with them. Why not? I need laughs. No laughs and no jokes make Maddy something something...

"I may faint. I don't ever remember a contestant saying it with that much confidence!" - Bob, after Jordan said she knows how to play Check Game

"She can't cash it. That saves us some money!"
"I can be Michelle Davis if I get a check! I don't mind. I can change my name!"
"Is it difficult to change a person's name? Can we get it done while we're on the air?"
"I look like a Michelle. I can pass for one."
"Do you like Jordan?"
"Yeah, I do."
"You can change it to Betty Lou if you want!"
"Would you like me to, Bob? I'll change it to whatever you want me to!"
- Bob and Jordan, after Bob noticed the check was made out to Michelle Davis, not Jordan Francis

"You step right back here. I want you to win. You have been a wonderful contestant, even though they don't know who you are. At least the person who wrote the check doesn't know who you are!" - Bob, having more fun with the blunder

"Now, not only does she have a voided check, but she has a check that belongs to Michelle Davis!" - Bob, after Jordan lost

"When I came up here, she said 'Bob, can I keep the check as a souvinier?' Of course you can! Just don't try to cash it, or you'll end up in jail!" - Bob, joining ol' Maddy in warning you about the dangers of identity theft

"In case our viewers are concerned, this is the Michelle that was on the check. She was another contestant. She just happened to be on the show, so we figured what the heck!" - Bob, just before Michelle spun the big wheel

"Amy didn't realize that she won. She had a look of disappointment on her face. But I straightened her out!" - Bob, after Amy didn't realize she'd won her way up on stage

"Stop! You're giving me a headache!" - Bob, after the audience chanted as-prin over and over, suggesting Amy take the aspirin in Grand Game

"John, I welcome you to Contestant's Row! And I tell you, this young man has something going for him. He's literally surrounded by pretty women!" - Bob, referring to the group John came with

"The actual... You know, there was a hysterical voice out there. There was a hysterical voice out here... '$1,200! $1,200!' What if the actual retail price is - I haven't looked - is $1,200? We've had that on the show before... Is it? Are you sure? Are you? Well, then we won't even look! Let's see. Uhh... No, I better look. Actual retail price... $1,299." - Bob, on an audience member who thought they knew the price

"Trent, let me straighten you out on one thing... You are not running for office here, you know! That's not the idea of this show!" - Bob, responding to Trent, who looked like he wanted to shake hands with everyone on the his way down to Contestant's Row

"Tell me, did you get her vote?" - Bob, after Trent trotted over and starting hugging Tova when she was called

"Trent is the winner, and now he has to say goodbye to everyone in Contestant's Row..." - Bob, as Trent (slowly) made his way up on stage

"I'm not going to try to figure it out.. He lost!" - Bob, after getting himself a bit confused on the math after Trent lost Balance Game

"That kid gets around pretty fast!" - Bob, after Scott got called, quickly ran up on stage to shake Bob's hand, then just as quickly went down to Contestant's Row

"Now, Maria, I have a prize for you, and I don't want you to hurt me when you see it!" - Bob, fearful of the very-excited Maria "tearing him from limb to limb"

"Wait, the game's over! What am I doing? I'm letting her go on.. The game's over! She gets one chance to do it. You had me hynotized here, you see!" - Bob, after getting mixed up during Shell Game

"Don't grab that $500, either!" - Bob, as Maria left the stage

"Daniel, being the gentleman that he is, thinks Gail should've won. But she was over by $1!" - Bob, after Daniel kept pointing toward Gail after their One Bid

"Yes, we were both born December 12. But you were born a few years after me!" - Bob, after Daniel showed him his passport (Daniel is exactly 63 years younger than Bob)

"Shirley. Being the curious old feller I am... What did that woman in the audience hand you as you were coming down?"
"My bracelet!"
"Why did she have your bracelet?!"
"It flew off!"
"Ohhh! You jumped up, and it flew off... I thought they were taking up a collection for you!"
- Bob, on Shirley's magic flying bracelet

"Bob, I love you!"
"I love you too! Wherefore art thou, Felisa?"
- Bob, on Felisa's love for him

"Now, let's just suppose you win down there. How ever will we get you up here?!" - Bob, on Lisa's broken leg

"No, don't touch me! I saw you almost break her other leg. I'm not going to mess with you!" - Bob, after Scott was called down

This was a tough choice this week... I had a tough time choosing between Jordan and Bob discussing the Check Game name blunder, and my eventual choice.. But, after serious thought, here is the Barkerism Of The Week:

"Ohhh, look at this! Now, I've seen a lot of pictures of me, but look at this... Thank you! Thank you very much!" - Bob, on Rochelle's Viva Bob Barker shirt (with Bob's head on Elvis' body. And, yes, Bob said "Thank you! Thank you very much!" like Elvis!)

For any of you out there who want to watch/hear Bob channel his inner Elvis, click here, click the download now link, and advance to the 2:56 mark in the video... Enjoy!

Labels: Barker Worship, Mi Vida Loca