I have to admit to feeling a mixture of relief, pride, and (as weird as it sounds), disappointment over the last 23 hours. And what may sound even more weird is that I feel pride toward everyone who has shown their support over the last few weeks - with the disappointment aimed at myself for feeling at times that I did not have my "A-game" this weekend.

Nervous and anxious about this (while this is my second go-round, this is the first time doing so for a charity that obviously means a great deal to me), I failed to get much sleep on Friday. I basically stumbled into this yesterday morning already fatigued and with no real sense of direction. While I did string together some fairly relevant posts at one point, and another stretch of outland/potentially humorous posts at another point, for the most part I look back over the last day's worth of posts feeling I could've - and should've - done better with my posts.

I could just try to blow it off with "Well, that's why they call it the sophomore jinx", but that doesn't change how I personally feel.

Part of it was not quite knowing what direction I wanted to take things as well. It was easy last year to go with comedy/hijinks, with the cause being freedom of speech over the Internet. But blogging for the Alzheimer's Association, I didn't quite know where to go.

I didn't want to dwell on the disease. I have a bad habit of doing so in some of my darker moments, frequently when alone. I figured nobody wanted to read 49 posts of me sounding like I was reading my father's eulogy when he is still alive, and about to celebrate his 61st birthday.

I had considered focusing on past memories, but the more I found myself feeling meloncholy, the more I felt that wasn't the way to go. I feared it could've slipped into that whole dark sounding, eulogy direction, and decided to back off from it somewhat.

I don't quite know if the antics and hijinks were right (or even felt right). Maybe not. Maybe so. I don't know. I am more than willing to hear everyone's thoughts on this.

And maybe it's just the fatigue talking. Outside of those few catnaps, I haven't gotten any real sleep since 2:00 pm Friday. That much time without sleep, I could've not only done the A-schedule, but just about all of the B-schedule, too.

I'm certainly not disappointed one bit in the support I received - both emotional and financial. It did mean a great deal to me to be sponsored again for Blogathon. It meant a great deal to me to not go this alone - with KS, Michael and Alane all being there for at least part of the ride (with KS there the whole time, of course). I again thank all of you for being there - not only for Blogathon 2007, but having been there for some time as well.

It goes without saying what a deeply rooted cause this is for me. I lost my grandfather nearly ten years ago to complications of this terrible disease. My father has been battling it for two years now. And, I have lost more than a few famous people I greatly respected (like James Doohan and Eddie Robinson) to the scourge of Alzheimer's.

I felt like I was blogging for all of them, and not just the AA or an "audience". Maybe that's part of the reason I'm questioning myself a bit. Maybe the effort I put forward was the best I could give under the circumstances. And, if so, it just means I'll come in better prepared next year (Nytol, anyone?).

I thank everyone who came along for the ride. I'll certainly be back next year, and I'll make sure to do an even better job than I did this year.

Listening to: "Don't Stop", "Into The Groove" and "Everybody" by The Queen

Labels: Blogathon 2007, Gone But Not Forgotten, Madge Worship, Mi Vida Loca, That's What Friends Are For