I know this post is about a week late, but the last 10 days or so have been something else. From the loss of another television legend (Don Herbert, or as we all knew him, Mr. Wizard), to a dear friend's college graduation (Congratulations again, Sarah!), to the anniversary of my own high school graduation (Saturday marked 15 years since I was paroled), to the temporary loss of my air conditioner (So much for Maytag reliability. And it's only 9-fucking-5 degrees...), and of course last Friday, I haven't felt up to much of anything lately - except cold showers and desperate attempts to stay sane and avoid heatstroke.

I would also like to thank all of you for the compliments on the temporary makeover. I thought it'd be a nice way to pay tribute to Bob, and all the joy he gave us.

Last Friday, of course, was the big finale, the episode of The Price Is Right I never wanted to come. After nearly 50 1/2 years, Bob Barker finally said goodbye.

Earlier last week, we saw some other lasts. Bob's last walk down the Golden Road (going for a $100,000+ motorhome. Sadly, the contestant didn't even get that far). One last playing of Triple Play (Sadly, also lost). The final playing of Hole In One (won, but Bob sadly missed his last inspiration putt). We saw one last $10,000 win on Punch-A-Bunch, and one last playing of Cliff Hangers - each one bittersweet. On Thursday, we had an "a trip for every room" Showcase (four trips) conclude with a Lincoln Town Car - over $72,000.

But along came June 15 - the grand finale. The day where "Goodbye, everybody!" would have a much stronger meaning.

After sitting in on the East Coast chat (figuring the more time I spent that day with people who understand, the better), 10 am came along. I had Mike. I had Black Velvet (I was more than a little buzzed). I had boots (my new 6" heeled knee-highs). And now it was time to have Bob... one last time.

The last four first four/Lucky Star: Francisco, Kristen, Philip (who started the line FIVE DAYS EARLIER) and Denise were called on down on a show that we quickly realized was not routine - CBS busted out the crane camera (previously only used for the primetime specials) for this show.

After they all reached Contestant's Row, Rich Fields would - one last time - introduce the star of The Price Is Right. Bob entered through door #2 and was greeted with a shower of confetti as he once again welcomed us, blew a kiss and said "Thank you! I love you!" before showing us the first item up for bids... A 52" HDTV.

(Let me say here that regardless of who takes over the show, I hope we never again hear "And now, here's the star of The Price Is Right...". Someone new may host the show, but in my heart, there will only ever be one STAR of TPIR. Please don't introduce the new host as "the star"...)

Denise would win that TV, and win her way up on stage with the chance to win a Corvette playing Maddy's best game *sarcasm*, Lucky $even.

This time, though, it was a Santa Dob setup, and we all knew it..

The first door was revealed, showing that it was a $40,000+ Corvette. Denise went with a 4 for her first guess. The second number was a 5, costing her $1.

She guessed a 6 for the third number, which was exactly right, keeping her with $6.

Denise would make her only bad guess on the fourth number. Instead of sticking around the middle, she went with a 7. It was a 3, costing her $4.

Now with only $2 left, she guessed 6 for the last number... which turned out to be a 5. Losing $1 on the guess, she had that $1 left to buy that Corvette, kicking off the grand finale in grand style!

Plunk: Coming back from the first commercial break, Bob told us all how he thought Philip looked familiar, then realized he had seen him on the news that morning and that they had pointed out that Philip was the first person in line. Philip, on the verge of tears, got a handshake from Bob. Then, after he told Bob he had been in line for five days, he got another handshake.

What a moment for Philip!

However, it's time to get back to business, as Rich calls Katrina down to Contestant's Row. This time, the contestants are bidding on a pearl and topaz necklace.

Kristen this time wins her way up on stage, just in time for Rich to say those magic words...

Yes, it's time for Plinko.

Thanks to yet another Santa Dob setup, Kristen manages to win all five chips, and has a chance to win $50,000...

Her first chip goes into $500.

Okay, okay... Could be worse... And her second chips finds its way into... $0.

Third chip? Another $500.

Fourth chip? $0 again.

Fifth chip? Yep, you guessed it.. $500 more, for a whopping $1,500.

Boys and girls, this is why I don't go cuckoo for Plinko - especially on big shows like this. No matter how easy The Dob makes the pricing portion of the game, there is no control over those chips. And winning $1,500 out of a possible $50,000 has to be more than a little deflating.

As Alfonzo put it last night, he'd like Plinko more if it delivered a few more big wins. I couldn't agree more.

Driving Range: Next we get to meet Shayla, just in time to bid on a rather nice stair stepper.

After four very low bids, Francisco takes that stair stepper and takes his trip up on stage to play Range Game... For a new ski boat.

Bob, of course, gave us the standard joke of how Francisco should've stopped the rangefinder until he's ready, because they can't start it again for 37 hours. Though, this time, he turned to the audience to have them shout "37 hours" - as I sat here, saying "50 years!".

Francisco stopped the rangefinder in the $19,650-$19,800 range, giving him that $19,670 boat by just $20.

We're now 2 for 3, with the first Showcase Showdown coming up.

'Round and 'Round: Kristen, Francisco and Denise are up, each playing for that spot in the Showcases - and a chance at $11,000 in cash.

Kristen spins first, getting 45 cents. Wisely spinning again, she tacks on 40 more for 85 cents.

Francisco's first spin lands on a mere 20 cents. His second spin nets 60 more for 80 cents - just a nickel short.

It's now Denise's turn. She ties Kristen with her first spin, and wisely opts for a spinoff.

Kristen's spin nets her only 40 cents.

Denise's spin hits that dollar, giving her $1,000 and a bonus spin (after all, it just would not be Bob's last show without money and a bonus spin in the Showcase Showdown).

Sadly, though, Denise's bonus spin stops on 95 cents. No more money, but she's going to be in the Showcases.

Double Or Nothing: We've had big wins, we've had confetti, we've had Plinko be... well, Plinko. But there was one thing that was needed to truly make this The Price Is Right.

Dean gets called on down - and falls on down. Yes, Dean took the latest in the mile-long list of spills over 35 years. Fortunately, he was okay - besides, reaching Contestant's Row has to be some great medicine.

This time, our four contestants are bidding on a CD jukebox. And Dean, who tripped on down to Contestant's Row, leaves just as quickly as he wins that jukebox and the chance to win even more.

And we're playing one of the first three pricing games ever - Double Prices - for a Chrysler 300. All Dean has to do is chose which of the two price tags ($24,041 and $29,560) is the right price, and he wins.

Needless to say, this was yet another fairly simple setup, as one of those prices looked odd. Dean goes with $29,560, and after a few seconds of Bob keeping us on pins and needles, he invites Dean over to push the button and reveal the correct price...

$29,560. We have another winner - and now, sadly, just 30 minutes to go.

Cleanup in aisle 5: Melva makes her way down to Contestant's Row, and now up for bids is a Honda offroad motorcycle.

Melva, just like Dean, makes her trip to Contestant's Row a brief one as her bids gives her that motorcycle and the chance to play the fifth pricing game - Grocery Game for an $11,880 folding camping trailer.

Unfortunately, this was one wicked setup. Melva had to try to buy $20-21 worth of items, with the five choices being StopSnore tablets, Dial body wash, Zout stain remover, NasoClear nasal spray and SoftScrub with bleach.

Out of the above five items, I have seen zero before on the show, so this was a time I was totally in the dark. And playing Grocery Game the way I usually do (try to find the item around $3.00 and buy seven of them) probably wouldn't work here.

Melva starts off buying one of the SnoreStop tablets. At $12.99, she is now $7.01 from $20.

Her next purchase would be two of the Dial body washes. At $5.99 each... Well, Melva's game is over, with a total of $24.97.

I don't know what was a bigger disappointment - that The Dob gave us a pretty rough setup for this game, or that we got Grocery Game (the fourth pricing game ever played) instead of going with Bonus Game (the second pricing game ever played).

Besides, as much as I like Grocery Game, we hardly ever see Bonus Game anymore.

867-5309: Finally, we're down to one last contestant being called on down, one last item up for bids, and one last pricing game...

Elijah Bates becomes the answer to a trivia question - the last contestant told to "come on down!" on Bob Barker's Price Is Right. This time, our contestants are bidding on a sofa.

Philip, the last of the first four, and he who spent five days in line, finally escapes Contestant's Row and becomes the answer to another trivia question - the last contestant to play a pricing game on Bob's Price Is Right.

Philip, incidentally, wrote a letter to Bob back in 1993, wondering if there would ever be a kids version of TPIR, because he wanted the chance to be a contestant before Bob retired.

And, wouldn't you know it, Philip not only made it before Bob retired, be would go down as the last contestant.

Philip was going to play Any Number (the FIRST pricing game ever, only adding to the disappointment of playing Grocery Game fifth - they could've gone out playing the first three in reverse order!) for a Ford Explorer XLT (with the other two prizes being an assortment of board games, and that dreaded piggy bank).

Philip was given the first number - a 2. His first guess was the 7, which was the first number in the dreaded piggy bank.

Next, he went with a 6, which was the second number in the Explorer.

Guess #3 was the 1, which was the last number in the piggy bank. Now Philip is flirting with winning $7.00 and change.

His fourth guess was the 5, which was the fourth number in the Explorer.

The fifth guess was the 2, which was the second number in the board games.

Guess #6 was 0, which was the last number in the Explorer. He is now one number away from that Ford... Sadly, he's also one number away from a very small check.

The seventh and last guess was 3.... The second number of the piggy bank. Philip, after all the years of waiting, after five days in line, won $7.31.

He needed the 8 to fill out the Ford.

After stumbling to the finish line, we're 3 for 6 on the day, with Bob's final Showcase Showdown coming up.

One last spin: Philip, Melva and Dean are now vying for the last spot in the Showcases, and the chance to take home some money.

Philip leads off, getting 55 cents in his first spin. He goes again, adding a quarter for a total of 80 cents.

Melva gets 50 cents in her first spin. Her second spin nets only 20, for 70 cents - not enough.

Dean's first spin lands on 20 cents. Going again, he adds 40 for 60 cents, putting Philip in those Showcases.

One final Showcase: Denise is the top winner, with Philip the runner up. And if the rest of the week has been any indication, they're about to see some incredible prizes.

The first Showcase is a trip to St. Marteen, a trip to Dublin, and a Lincoln Navigator. Denise, reasoning that she has already won a car, passes the Showcase yo Philip, who bids $61,000.

Showcase #2 consists of a large electric grill, a seven day cruise of the Mediterranean and a Cadillac XLR. Denise bids $84,823 on her Showcase.

Goodbye: During the final commercial break, it all dawns on me that after 50 years, Bob's career is now down to mere moments. Struggling to keep my composure together, I await the last Showcase reveal of Bob's career.

We start with Denise. Her Showcase was $90,761 (the biggest Showcase ever offered on the daytime show), giving her a difference of $5,938.

Bob now heads over to Philip, and reveals that his Showcase is $68,677 for a difference of $7,677, making Denise the winner.

Denise, who had previously won that HDTV, Corvette and $1,000 to go with her Showcase, leaves with $140,235, making her the second biggest winner in CBS daytime history and the new part-owner of CBS.

Philip leaves with some incredible memories.

As Denise runs over to look at her prizes, it all begins to hit me. The emotion I've kept bottled up for months finally comes pouring out, as Bob signs off one last time.

"Now, folks. I want to thank you very, very much for inviting me into your homes for the last fifty years. I am deeply grateful. And, please remember: Help control the pet population. Have your pets spayed or neutered. Goodbye everybody."

Rich then signs off, sounding more subdued than usual, then makes his way up on stage where he embraced Bob and kisses him on the cheek.

Finally, we are given one last image - Bob blowing kisses to the audience - as his remarkable 50 year career comes to a close.

Honestly, I think I sat here and cried for a good 30 minutes. Not full-blown sobbing, but genuine crying - enough so that it was hard for me to speak. It was very hard, and very heartbreaking, to think it really is over.

At the same time, I am happy for Bob. He's earned this. Which is why I'd like to finally address something that has been discussed for two weeks now.

During the press conference after his last taping, Bob said that after how good CBS and the production company have been to him that if they can't find a host in time for season 36 to begin on time, he would be happy to fill-in.

Let me start off in expressing my serious disappointment in CBS and Fremantle Media for the mediocre job they have done finding a new host. I know they are trying to replace Bob fucking Barker, and whoever they get has some very big shoes to fill. But the likes of Dave Price, Mike Richards, Mario Lopez and George Hamilton, with the latest audition (since cancelled) scheduled for Mark DeCarlo?!

I'm sorry, but are you guys even trying? My Breathless Mahoney doll would be a better candidate.

(Lil' Maddy: "What about me?!")

Yes, you too, Lil' Maddy.

Bob's offer is very sweet, and noble, and unselfish. And, that said...

Bob? Just say NO.

You've earned you're retirement. You've wanted to travel. You talked about in a recent radio interview how you've felt "relaxed" for the first time in decades. Enjoy it. You've been working nonstop for 62 years - or, to put it another way, you launched your radio career a year before my father was born!

I'm not saying this to try to get rid of you. Selfishly, I'm going to miss the hell out of you. But, unselfishly, I'm saying you deserve to have a long and happy retirement. You've earned the right to call it a career and hang up your microphone on YOUR terms.

June 6 and June 15 hurt. They hurt me. I know they hurt you, Roger, and Fingers, and Rich, and many others you've worked with, and your fans. Going through it again is going to hurt again. KS had said that I should see it differently, that I know it's temporary. But you know what? I knew June 6 was coming. I knew June 15 was coming. Knowing didn't stop the tears from flowing. And coming back to fill is going to bring more tears - even though we would be happy to see you again.

And, yes, I want to see you again, but not like this. Not at the expense of the retirement you've planned and looked forward to. If someone could find the fountain of youth, or go back in time and bring us Bob Barker from 1972 (without rupturing the space time continuum, of course) - where we know we have many years to look forward to - I'd be all for it.

But, neither is going to happen.

Bob, take my advice. Go on that African safari you've always wanted to go on. Don't give your flight number to anyone. Don't bring a cellphone. You've done your duty for CBS, and Goodson/All-American/Pearson/Fremantle, and us. It's not your responsibility to clean up CBS/Fremantle's mess now.

Have a long and happy retirement. You deserve it. While I'll miss watching you in the mornings, you've left me with a number of priceless memories. Thank you for coming into our homes for the last fifty years!

Labels: Barker Worship, Boot Worship, Lil' Maddy, Mi Vida Loca

While I like Star Trek, and while some people feel they have learned a great deal from the show, I think it goes without saying that there has been much to learn from The World's Greatest Master of Ceremonies and his priceless show over the years.

And here is what they have taught me:

I've learned you never want to overbid. Overbidding can keep you in Contestant's Row, it can cost you that lovely Showcase, or it can just keep you stuck paying too much on eBay.

I've learned that a handshake, a hug or a kiss can bring far more joy than a new refrigerator, a living room group or even a new car - shouldn't we treat life the same way?

I've learned that life does reward smart shoppers. Smart shopping can help you win your way up on stage, give you a trip to Cancun, or just help you save money every month.

I've learned that if something doesn't cooperate in life, KICK IT. Jammed Master Lock keys? Uncooperative Squeeze Play numbers? That stuck closet door? Just give it a boot.

I've learned that any kind of music can be good, if you give it the right setting. Just as most people only enjoy yodeling when the mountain climber is heading to his doom after someone thinks a toy guitar is $800, "Barbie Girl" too can be entertaining in the right setting (like New Year's after 13 drinks).

I've learned there are some things in life you just can't control, whether it be the weather, or Plinko chips.

I've learned sometimes that big gambles can pay off, whether it's taking a long trip just to see a concert, or giving back $5,000 on the Punchboard like Bryan did.

I've learned false reveals can be fun, whether it's keeping people on their toes while sharing priceless moments, or making a poor contestant anxious before revealing the actual retail price.

I've learned that age is only a number, which is why I sometimes feel old at 32, and Bob Barker wants to retire "while he's young" - at 83.

I've learned that sometimes the oldest things are indeed the bestest, whether it's using the same turntable and giant doors for 35 years, or when comparing "Borderline" to "American Life", or even an octogenerian still running circles around hosts who could be his grandchildren.

I've learned golf is cool. Who needs Tiger Woods when you have Arnold Palmer and the greatest putter ever, Bob Barker?

I've learned that if you have a beloved but uncooperative piece of equipment - like a Commodore 64 or the Hurdles set - sometimes you just need to let it go and put it out to pasture.

I've learned there are benefits to eating right, whether it's losing weight or having the energy to work the same job for 50 years.

I learned that the house hits on 16 and below and stays on 17 and above - not because of GSN's World Series Of Blackjack, but from Hit Me.

I've learned that writing a check can be a real adventure, whether it's because you're flirting with overdrawing, or yet another contestant who doesn't know how to play Check Game.

I've learned that simple yet classy does have it moments, whether it's Bonus Game and Five Price Tags, or jeans and 3" heeled boots.

However, I've also learned flashy and outrageous has its moments, too, whether it's Rod Roddy's jackets or a pair of 6" heeled boots.

I've learned how powerful the words "Come on down!" can be - an invite to see a special person, or an invite to become the next contestant on The Price Is Right!

I've learned that illusion can be a powerful thing, whether it's things not turning out in life the way they appeared they would, or the fact that that tiny set looks so big on TV.

I've learned that patience takes you far in life, whether it's waiting for a dream to come true, or trying to explain the rules of a pricing game to yet another contestant.

I've learned that sometimes people do come together in life, whether it's getting support from surprising places, or 320 people trying to help you win even though they wish they were in your shoes.

I've learned that sometimes you just have to let it all out and scream "THAT'S TOO MUCH!", whether it's life getting to be a bit too much to handle, or when trying to walk away with a new car.

I've learned you can express a lot with a T-Shirt, whether it's telling the world you love Bob, or that you have a Madonna complex.

I've learned that picking a fight with the wrong person can be a mistake, whether it's Happy Gilmore thinking he can take on Bob, or me thinking... nevermind. I won't go there.

I've learned you can make the world a better place with something as simple as telling people what they mean to you, or making people smile for 60 minutes a day for five days a week.

I've learned not to act until your ready. Not only may things not go the way you want, but if you stop the range finder too soon, they can't start it again for 37 hours.

I've learned to always give everything your best effort. It not only increases your chance of succeeding, but it also saves you from getting booed for failing to get the wheel all the way around.

And, I have learned that you can make the world a better place for animals, whether it's bringing a bundle of joy into your home, or by helping to control the pet population by having your pets spayed or neutered.

But there is one thing that I wasn't taught fron The Price Is Right, but it has been reinforced in recent months: While sorry seems to be the hardest word, it's not.

The hardest word is goodbye.

Yesterday afternoon, episode #6,731 of The Price Is Right was taped from The Bob Barker Studio. It was the 6,728th episode of Bob's career...

And his final one.

It kicked off at 6:00 am with Chuck Dukas stepping outside the gates to hand out order of arrival wristbands to people wanting a front-row seat for television history - from people who had been in line just a few hours to people who camped out for four days, from everyday people to a NASA engineer (Mark Dub) to at least on celebrity (KCBS news did a piece on the final taping, and pictured among those in the audience holding area was none other than Henry Winkler with a yellow nametag on the coat of his suit!). All of them together for one reason - to say goodbye to a television legend.

By late afternoon, it was all over. Bob had signed off, the credits had rolled, the cameras were stopped, and a 50 year career had come to a close.

Much like with the 35th season premiere, the press was there in droves. Radio and television crews - both local and national - were there to cover the ending of an era. Quite a few people got a few seconds of fame and spoke to the press, including Philip Barrett (who started the line on Saturday), and golden-road.net's own Willy Tynan.

Except, of course, unlike with the season premiere, the media was not there to kick off a glorious, historic, promising season. This time, it was to witness the final chapter on what may go down as the most incredible career in the history of television.

I know little about the grand finale itself at this point, as I was not there. From the numbers I got from Willy, it's very likely I could've gotten in. And I kind of wish I had been there. But could I have handled it? Around 3:30 pm, when the taping was scheduled to end (though, Willy himself said it was closer to 4:30), I lost it. I knew an era was coming to an end, one that had brought a great deal of joy into my life.

I do know, though, that Bob closed off his career with one last plug to help control the pet population. It sounds like from there that the emotions finally began to come out...

Willy walked outside, sat down on those benches which had marked so much happiness (meaning it's almost time to enter the studio) and lost it.

Rich Fields, according to another person who made the taping, was barely keeping his emotions in check.

And even Bob himself, who had tried so hard to maintain his composure during the final stretch of his career, spoke of how it all hit him when a longtime colleague and friend (I would assume Roger Dobkowitz) came to his dressing room to hug him and say goodbye. He also was quite choked up during the press conference, saying "I can't talk about it. Sorry. To say goodbye... is tough."

He summed it up quite well. This has been a tough goodbye. We've invited him into our homes for 50 years. He's made us laugh, he's made us smile, he's been like an adopted grandfather. And it's very painful for me to think that it's all over, that this time he didn't sign off for the day, or the week, or the season - but for good. That the next time they fire up those cameras and cue the music and open those doors that someone besides Bob Barker is going to walk out onto that stage.

There'll never be another one like him.

While the final episode won't air for another 8 days, yesterday hurt. Yesterday was the day the ride truly ended. Yesterday officially became the day that I had to acknowledge something I never wanted to think about:

Bob Barker, retired game show host.

And worse yet, there's the feeling of how there's nothing left but the memories. The studio is dark and the set has been struck. It's a show now in limbo - no host, but a giant shadow hanging over it from the one that just departed.

And Camp Barker is no more, literally and figuratively. I think back to my three trips since the announcement, of hundreds of people camping out on the streets to get in. Then I think about Willy's final line report at 5:30 pm yesterday: 0 priorities, 0 standbys.

The Camp is now deserted. Truthfully, for good - for even should the show resume, it won't be with Bob, and I don't think we'll see 200 people sleeping on Fairfax ever again.

It's just hard to believe that time has finally run out. It's hard to believe that next Friday, we'll turn on the TV and watch him sign off one last time.

I do hope he has a long and happy retirement. He certainly has earned it. But, I'm going to miss the hell out of him. Thank you for 50 priceless years, Bob!

It may not be the end of the world as we know it, but it sure as hell is the end of television as we knew it... "To say goodbye... is tough."

Fortunately, though, I'll always have May 17, 2007.

Now, I need to go try to find out what's going on with my boot order, and start shopping for potted plants for my television set.

Labels: Barker Worship, Camp Barker, That's What Friends Are For, You Will NEVER Stop The Dob

It's sad, and almost surreal, to think that a career that has spanned over 50 years, and brought roughly 10,000 episodes, is now down to just ten more episodes.

Bob's official last day on the show will be this Wednesday. I had hoped to be there, but CBS's new system has discouraged me from even trying...

I don't know what encouraged them to do this, but the old "first come, first served" system is gone. They have sent out roughly 325 "priority" tickets, and hundreds of "standby" tickets for the final shows.

The priority ticket holders jump ahead of the standbys and get in no matter what, as long as they are there by 9:00 am. The only incentive they have now to get there early is for better seats.

The standbys get any remaining seats, on a first come, first serve basis. Which means that if all 325 priorities show up, we're screwed - even if we camp out for two days, and the last of the priority ticket holders show up at 8:50 am.

Under the old system, I would've been happy to show up at 7:00 am on the 5th and camp out for Bob's last show, confident that a 23 hour wait for Order Of Arrival slips is early enough to get in.

But, now, with a standby ticket? I have zero guarantees.

So, I painfully decided to keep my ticket as a souvenier. It'll eventually go into a frame, with my seven nametags, seven contestant cards and my autographed picture of Bob.

I said in my last post that if that was indeed my final trip to the Bob Barker Studio, and my final memory was the handshake I'd waited nearly all of my life for, I have no regrets. I don't regret that. I do regret that my hand was forced by the new system, but I know I'd regret it even more if I camped out only to be told "I'm sorry" - not because I wasn't in line soon enough, but because my ticket is different.

But, maybe this is how it was meant to be. Maybe just like Ted Williams walking away after one last home run in his final at bat, maybe that was how I was destined to depart the Bob Barker Studio for the last time with Bob as host - with that priceless moment that I'd hoped for for so long.

But, with ten final shows in the final chapter of a legendary career - Bob's last show will air in its normal time slot the morning of June 15, then be RE-AIRED at 8 pm that even as the lead-in for the Daytime Emmys - I feel I should post some priceless top ten lists, and Adam Sandler's great "Ode To Bob Barker".

Enjoy.

Ode To Bob Barker, by Adam Sandler

Bob Barker, Bob Barker!
Such a huge part of our lives.
Bob Barker, Bob Barker!
The daytime lover of all men's wives.
Bob Barker, Bob Barker!
Thirty years of giving us "NEW CARS!" on The Price Is Right.
Bob Barker, Bob Barker!
The silver haired devil who whooped my ass in a fight.
Bob Barker, Bob Barker!
We'll always have the memories of the happiness that you made.
So in honour of your retirement, Sir Bob Barker,
I went out and got myself spayed!

From "Best Week Ever", the top 10 things we'll miss about Bob:

10. The $100 bill he kept in his pocket. When someone in the opening game bid the exact right price, Bob would reach into his pocket and produce a reward of 100 bucks. So Grandfatherly, so warm. We imagine the bill smells like Werther's Originals and pipe tobacco.

9. The Most Feminine Microphone in the Biz. It takes a real man to use a long, skinny mic like that.

8. The Ol' "Let's Check If You're A Winner Fake-Out" Trick. Bob waits until the height of aniticipation, leans in the hit the revealing button to see if the contestant is a winner, then takes this opportunity to find out where the player is from, how many kids he/she has, etc. The audience groans, and fantastic television is made. This trick is most often employed during "The Dice Game" and "Spelling Bee."

7. Female contestants kissing Bob on the cheek. We long to feel the leathery crevaced surface of his face brush against our quivering lips.

6. His laugh. Sure, most of the time it's done politely. But ever once in a while, a contestant would catch him off guard, and he would genuinely crack-up.

5. Bob and his Plinko Stick. Back before "modern technology" created a clog-free Plinko board, every now and again one of the oversized purple chips would get stuck between the pegs. Such an emergency forced Bob to retrieve his Unclogging Stick (a long white baton), and finagle the chip from its Plinko prison. And he did it with ease, folks.

4. His G.I. Joe Helmet Hair.

3. Bob losing his patience. Sure, he's a game show host, but he's also a game show proctor. He's the captain of the pricing ship! Meaning sometimes he has to hurry people along and ends up losing his patience. Often seen when people have difficulty coming up with a bid during the Showcase Showdown ("James, we need your bid.") Best exemplified in the following clip of probably the dumbest contestant in Price is Right history.

2. The Creepy Old Grandpa You're Glad Isn't Your Grandpa. You couldn't compile a list of Bob Barker related memories without bringing up the famous sexual harassment suit brought about by one of his Barker's Beauties (and more would attest to the constant sexual and verbal abuse around the studio.) In a way, it kinda made us love the creepy old dirty bastard, though we were always grateful to keep our Barker-related fantasies filed under "Imaginations Only." Try watching this clip of Bob Barker and his Beauties without picturing the four of them in some sort of Ancient Chinese mating ritual, we dare you.

(Okay, so sorry, this is not one of my favorite or cherished memories, true or not. I do wish this could've been laid to rest, with the end of Bob's career so close.)

1. Bob's Signature Sign-Off. We hate to think of what the future holds for animal population control without Bob's trademarked sign-off, "Have Your Pets Spayed or Neutered." Will the new host adopt this phrase? And if so, will it feel completely phony? But what of the animals? Is anybody thinking of the animals?!?!

From AccessAtlanta, 10 things we've learned from TPIR under Bob:

1. If you're in the last spot during Contestant's Row, bid $1 if you think everybody else's bid is too high. Bid $1 more than the highest bid if you think everyone low-balled it. (Unfortunately, these strategies are useless on eBay.)

2. Wear tight, brightly colored T-shirts proclaiming your undying affection for the Cult of Barker, and you'll improve your chances of "coming on down!" Recent examples: "Navy Chicks Love Bob!" "The Price Is Always Right With Bob!"

3. Plinko should be turned into a casino game. Anybody who watches can imagine themselves dropping those plinko discs plink-plink-plink down the oversize playing field and praying they land on the $10,000 spot (not the $0 one).

4. If you win that Showcase consisting of a hammock, a trip to Hawaii and a Kawasaki jet ski worth a grand total of $15,100, you're going to have to scrounge up at least $5,400 in taxes for Uncle Sam. Winners have been known to sell off some of their prizes to cover the taxes.

5. Make sure that big wheel goes all the way around or Barker will mock you, especially if you're a big, burly guy.

6. Wireless mikes? Who needs 'em? Barker still uses that skinny wired mike that was cutting-edge technology in 1972.

7. Having "I was a Barker's Beauty" on your resume can't hurt if Vanna White ever retires from "The Wheel of Fortune."

8. The prizes in 2007 can be as delightfully dated as the '70s-era Day Glo set. Last Thursday, Richard from Atlanta won a Pfaff sewing machine. And Allison took home a chair shaped like a baseball mitt. But poor Leona lost the Grocery Game because those dang Stella D'oro breakfast treats cost $2.29, not $1.96.

9. Don't get on Barker's bad side or he'll punch you out. Oh, wait. That was only in the movie "Happy Gilmore," right?

10. "Have your pets spayed or neutered!" Thanks, Bob, for the daily reminder.

From The Late Show, Top Ten Things Bob Can Say Now That He's Retiring:

10. "We get the prizes cheap because they're stolen"

9. "The actual retail price of the retirement watch CBS gave me... $17.95!"

8. "Before we give them away, I personally try out every hot tub"

7. "Slip daddy some cash and the Showcase Showdown wheel lands wherever you want"

6. "Sleeping until noon and playing golf all day? Come on down!"

5. "Howie Mandel may be a younger game show host, but at least I still have hair"

4. "I only wish Regis were alive to see this"

3. "On my last show I'm going to tell people, 'Go neuter yourselves'!"

2. "I'm not only a game show host -- I'm also Spider-Man"

1. "Some older people have the good sense to retire... unlike Letterman"

And, lastly, my own personal Top Ten.. Top Ten favorite moments from my trips to the Bob Barker Studio:

(Just to let you know, this will stick to the moments from my lucky seven trips that were caught on camera. So, no "The price is right, bitch!" or anything else shared only with us in the studio audience...)

10. Nicole's $25,000 win on 1/2 Off. Despite the luck factor in this game, it has always been one of my favorite cash games. I love watching it on TV when a mere $10,000 is at stake - seeing it live for $25,000 during the "Celebration of Bob's 50 Years on TV" show was even better.

Nicole's win, and the fun she and Bob had (dropping the fake bills on each other's head) was the icing on the cake.

9. The 35th season premiere opening. As Willy on golden-road.net put it so well in the chat the morning this priceless show was aired, "television could not capture the thunder" that greeted Bob when he entered through door #2 to kick off this show. Filled with anticipation, and fueled by Chuck, we in the audience greeted Bob with one of the most thunderous ovations ever heard in that studio - certainly the loudest that I'd ever been part of, and pound for pound up there with how Her Madgesty was greeted last June 3.

A special ovation, for a special host, on a special day.

8. Maria goes deep. Maria's playing of 3 Strikes during the season premiere had everything you could want - a Corvette, an easy setup, and suspense - too much suspense, maybe. After drawing four straight numbers, and correctly placing all four, all that was left was a number, and a strike.

After scaring us by pulling the strike twice to get to a full count, Maria finally pulled that 1, giving her that $53,910 Corvette and the first win of season 35.

7. Celebrating half a century on television. The whole show was an incredible experience. The amazing set, the priceless clips, the love shown to Bob, and even the heartfelt speech by Les Moonves - complete with him pumping his fist in time with our chant - made for a truly special day. Adam Sandler's cameo and side-splitting poem was the icing on the cake for a fitting tribute to the World's Greatest Master of Ceremonies.

6. Who needs a Grand Prix when you can have a Corvette?! Jeanette was a great contestant - excited, emotional and energetic. And on November 16, ***5, she took us along on a roller coaster ride - from painfully losing that Pontiac in One Away, to having Jonathon pass Showcase #2 to her - with that beautiful black Corvette. I think I may have been as thrilled and as emotional as Jeanette was when Bob pulled out that price tag, telling her that her Showcase was $63,302, and that her difference of $2,302 made her the winner of that Showcase.

What a moment. What a way to end your first trip to Game Show Mecca.

5. Triple Play? No. Most Expensive! We saw a lot of great prizes and some exciting games on that season premiere, but nothing (before the Showcases) could beat the last pricing game of the day. When Bob told Carolyn - and the rest of us - that she was about to play Most Expensive, on this day, it could only mean one thing...

Twelve wheels! A PT Cruiser, a Jeep Wrangler, and a Chevy Malibu.

The first - and maybe only time - we'll ever see Most Expensive played for three cars. And an even bigger thrill when Carolyn correctly picked the Jeep as the most expensive, giving her all three cars!

4. Noah's Triple Play. Of course, #5 was only the first time I had the thrill of seeing three cars offered, because it would happen again eight months later - this time with the show's true three car game (Triple Play), and this time for far bigger stakes (a Dodge Avenger, a Mustang convertable, and a Cadillac PTS.

Easy setup or not, it was yet another thrill to watch a contestant win three cars - worth over $92,000 - in a matter of moments.

3. Vickyann is now part-owner of CBS. Vickyann had a great day, even before the Showcases began. She won a hot tub to get up on stage. She won a Dodge Caravan in Push Over. She won $1,000 on the big wheel while earning her way into the Showcases (that $1,000 might buy her about 17 gallons of gas).

But, after seeing Maria's assortment of prizes, Vickyann was given Showcase #2, which culminated with that Dodge Viper!

But Vickyann saved the best for last, capping off one of the most memorable days in this show's 35 year history:

"Maria, you have bid $35,000 on your showcase. And the actual retail price is... $33,089. You are over. And Vickyann, if you don't go over, you're a winner. You bid $89,500 on your showcase. And Vickyann, the actual retail price of your showcase is... Eighty nine thousand... seven... thirty nine! YOU WIN BOTH SHOWCASES! Both showcases!"

With $147,517 in winnings, Vickyann became the biggest winner in the history of CBS's daytime game shows, shattering Michael Larson's 22 year old record.

2. "And now here's the star of The Price Is Right..." There have been big wins, painful losses, and Barkerisms and love a-plenty. But you never forget the first, and I sure will never forget the first time I watched Bob Barker enter from door #2, right in front of me. What a thrill! What an honor! To finally be standing there, looking right at the person I'd enjoyed watching for 26 priceless years, giving him the first of my many "We're not worthy!"'s...

How can you top that? Well, with what else, but...

1. The moment I'd waited my whole life for. Back in 1979, Carter was in office, Madonna was a transient aspiring musician in New York, Wonder Woman was still in production and I became infatuated with The Price Is Right. I loved the show - the fun games, the jazzy musical cues, and of course, Bob Barker.

Most kids back then loved Mr. Rogers, or Bert and Ernie, or Superman and Batman, or Fat Albert, or Bugs Bunny. I loved Jack Barry, and Gene Rayburn, and Bill Cullen, and Wink Martindale, and Allen Ludden, and Geoff Edwards, and Jim Perry, and Johnny Olson, and of course my favorite of them all: Bob Barker.

And, from that moment, I'd had a dream, a wish: A wish to meet Bob Barker, to shake his hand or hug him, tell him how much he meant to me, and thank him for all the enjoyment.

It was a moment I risked putting on hold (by taking so long to go), one I flirted with, one I thought would never come some day. And, while 3:28 pm on Thursday May 17, 2007 will be just another minute to most people, it is one I'll never forget. It was a truly priceless moment, one where a dream finally came true.

With just fourteen shows left in Bob's legendary career, I finally got that handshake. I finally got that moment to thank him. I finally won the one prize on The Price Is Right that I'd dreamt of winning since 1979.

You've all seen the picture, but courtesy of my friend Jordan in North Carolina, you can now see that priceless moment in moving video! Click here and watch a dream come true.

Labels: Barker Worship, Camp Barker