Don't tell that to me right now, the way my arthritis is acting up in my hands... I think I just turned 33, and my hands just turned 80.

As some of you know, it has been one heck of a month, in more ways than one...

I've started housecleaning as far as my blogs go. I've already nuked the sports blog, and will nuke the other two public ones in the near future. I was going to erase them ASAP, but decided there are a couple fitting anniversaries coming up.

June 2 will be the fourth anniversary of Ken Jennings' reign of terror. I figure that would be the appropriate date to shut that blog down.

June 15, of course, will be the one year anniversary of Bob Barker's final show. I will get the posts from that blog moved over here, then shut it down on that date.

So, relive the memories there while you have the chance.

And, no, there are no plans at this time to shut this blog down. I had fleeting thoughts of it, between Rob's own retirement, and my lack of posting so far here in 2008. But I just don't see it as necessary. There is still a Blogathon coming up. And who knows when the inspiration will strike to write again?

So, I'm still here. I'll write when the inspiration strikes. And anyone wanting to drop a line, contact me, or leave a comment if you don't knew where to reach me.

I'll now leave you with the best bit of political commentary so far here in 2008... Keith Olbermann rules!

Labels: Barker Worship, Bushwhacking, Mi Vida Loca, The Stormin' Mormon

We all saw the number that Bob did on that smart aleck Happy Gilmore a decade ago. Well, now that he is retired from television, he could keep himself busy by becoming a professional ass-kicker...

I've been thinking about this for a couple months, since I attended my last taping, with the Ron Mexico scandal developing. I was tempted to raise my hand and ask him if he was tempted to pull a Happy Gilmore on Ron Mexico. I wish I would've...

But, since then, I started thinking about other people he could give the Happy routine too...

To George W. Bush: "I can't believe you're the president, I think you should be working over at the snack bar. There is no way you could've been as bad at running a baseball team as you are at running the country!"

To Bud $elig: "I can't believe you're the commisioner of baseball, I think you should be working over at the snack bar. There is no way you could've been as bad at selling used cars as you are at running baseball!"

To Britney Spears: "I can't believe a professional singer, I think you should be working on the street corner! There is no way you could've been as bad at whoring yourself out as you are at singing!"

Seriously, Bob. Forget about the tequilia. Forget about bodybuilding and running for governor. You can just be a professional ass-kicker and make the world a better place!

The price is right, bitch!

Listening to: "Come On Down" by Crystal Waters, the theme to "The Price Is Right"

Labels: Barker Worship, Blogathon 2007, Bushwhacking, Sinead O'Britney

It was nearly two weeks ago, while preparing for my most recent trip to Camp Barker, that I first heard the news of the massacre at Virginia Tech that claimed 33 lives (including the shooter himself). It goes without saying that my first reactions were of shock, horror and outright sadness to think that nearly three dozen people were killed doing something as routine as attending class.

Just like Columbine...

Not long after that, though, the questions began to form in my head, most of them beginning with the word "why".

Why would a person do such a thing?

Why is it that the more we do and the more we sacrifice to (supposedly) protect us from "evil from outside" that the less I feel safe from people inside our own country?

As far as the second question goes, I don't have a magical answer. I wish we could wave a wand and create a world without guns and violence, but I know this is a fantasy, just as gun control itself is. If guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns. It's no different than drug control, prohibition or Tipper Stickers. The people who really want "contraband" are going to obtain it, laws be damned.

The only real answer is to find a way to grow as a race (the human race) to the point where guns are no longer needed nor desired, to evolve into one where violence is no longer seen as a "solution" - because it's never a solution to anything. Sadly, to the contrary, I feel we are going in the opposite direction - one where guns are seen as cool, one where violence is often believed to be the ONLY answer.

The first question, however, probably haunts me the most, and the more I learn about Seung-Hui Cho, the more I find myself disturbed.

In the hastily assembled and rather sad biography of Cho, we hear about an awkward, shy, loner of a child who felt like a stranger in a strange world, one who slinked further and further into a shell, one where shyness and insecurity became replaced by anger and coldness.

We hear of a kid who never felt at ease in Virginia, and may have never felt at ease with himself.

What may be the saddest thing of all, though, was how he was shunned by his peers - ignored, and often teased and tormented. A kid who was slow to learn English, who was uncomfortable to express himself (especially verbally), and was taunted by his peers to "go back to China" for his struggles to grasp our language.

Another kid, bullied and hazed for the crime of being different.

Just like Columbine...

Perhaps it was the move alone that was too much for Cho. However, I can't help but to wonder if the years of torment and taunting planted the seeds which led to the ugliest massacre in our nation's history.

Just like Columbine...

Rest assured, I in no way support nor defend Cho's actions, just as I do not defend the actions of Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold on April 20, 1999. Murder is wrong. Violence is wrong. Responding to years of hazing and bullying by shooting up the school is not the right answer, no matter what you have been put through.

But could this have been prevented? Could fellow kids reaching out and helping him feel at ease, helping him with our language, making him feel it was okay to express himself during the 1990's have changed history? Could 33 people who were killed still be with us had Seung-Hui Cho been respected and treated with compassion?

Sadly, we will never know. But I for one can't help but to feel the answer probably would've been yes.

Columbine has eaten at me for eight years for the same reason. Behind the stories about black trench coats, Doom and Marilyn Manson, the truth surfaced: One about two kids who were different, who didn't fit in, and were subjected to years of hazing and bullying by their fellow peers. They were branded labels like "faggots", "devil worshippers" and were routinely accused of being into witchcraft. They were bullied by the jocks, looked down upon by teachers and faculty, and tormented by their fellow peers... Until they snapped.

(One of the mainstream corporate presstitute stories that has floored me all this time has been the one about "Marilyn Manson inspired them to do it!". Funny, because who was set to perform a concert in the area on April 25, 1999? Marilyn Manson! So why didn't they wait five days, see their hero, THEN open fire on their campus? Perhaps because it had nothing to do with Marilyn Manson, and this was just a convenient excuse to scapegoat a controversial entertainer. But, I digress...)

Klebold and Harris' actions were just as wrong as Cho's, as Bush's, as anyone else who feels the only solution to a problem is mass murder. But, again, did this need to happen? Did the seeds need to be planted?

What scares me most about both massacres is another question. Namely: This could've been ME. Why wasn't it me?!

I have walked a lot of miles in a lot of shoes over the years (some far nicer than others, but again, I digress). Sadly, that includes walking in the shoes of Eric Harris, Dylan Klebold and Seung-Hui Cho.

I know what it's like to be teased and tormented until you reach the breaking point, to be ostracized for being different and "not fitting in", to reach the point where you want to lash out in anger - either at others, or even yourself.

I was hazed and abused in school to the point I didn't want to live anymore, and even tried to take my own life because death sounded more appealing than another day in hell.

Yes, there is a reason I cynically refer to my last day of high school as "being paroled". It got so bad I finally tested out of high school at 17, figuring I'd rather go through life with the equivilant to a diploma than endure anymore of the nightmare. And, quite honestly, it's hard to believe June will mark fifteen years since I did so - especially because as it was all going on, I didn't think I'd survive.

Hell, things were so bad at one point I didn't attend for two years. TWO YEARS OF PLAYING HOOKEY.

To this day, I still want revenge, but of a different kind. I would give just about anything to show up for a reunion, whored up, with my "prom date" Madonna - and just spend the entire night smirking and flipping everyone the bird, saying "Look at me now, motherfuckers! Why don't you get down on your knees and kiss my fucking boots?!"

Think I could get Madge up for the idea?

Anyway, back to my point...

There were days I was so hurt, so angry, so tired of the shit I wanted to do something. Take my chair to someone's head. Smash up a classroom. You name it.

What didn't help was having very few friends, and basically no support from the faculty. They dismissed it all as "kids will be kids, you're going to get teased, live with it" and "You're so smart. Why aren't you doing better in school?". Well, assholes, let's see how well you do your job when you spend eight hours a day being bullied and harassed.

So, why wasn't it me? Why didn't I get fifteen minutes of fame by wasting half the school? Probably because I hate guns, and had no access to one anyway. And, even though I have a nasty temper and can lash out - even throwing an occasional punch - I have no wish to take anyone's life when it comes down to it. Sure, there are some of my former classmates that I'd give real money to have a real life hell in the cell match with, but I could never bring myself to take someone's life, no matter how angry I am.

A shame that three people have been pushed far enough to reach that point and take lives over it. A shame that it probably could've been prevented.

It is time to take the teasing and hazing out of schools. No, it is not free speech to traumatize your classmate because he or she is too different, too foreign, too smart, too whatever. Besides, try telling your teacher to kiss your ass, or sing the uncensored "American Life", or say "The price is wrong, bitch!" and see how far "free speech" will take you in school.

Administrators go on and on about how school is for learning, but they need to ask themselves how easy it is to learn when your day is spent being terrorized by your classmates. You want kids to learn? Create a safe, comfortable environment for them to do so!

"Kids are kids" and "kids are cruel"? Why? Because parents let them be? Maybe the time has come to stop that, too. Maybe it's time for parents to teach their kids to not go through life being cruel.

You know what would've happened to me if I decided I wanted to a mean-spirited little bitch that tormeted other kids? I wouldn't have been able to sit down without pain for a year after my mother would've been done with me. I didn't grow up mean because my mother wouldn't have let me grow up mean!

Instead of coming home with Burger King, plopping in front of the TV for American Idle and looking up porn on the Internet, try teaching your kids right from wrong. Try teaching them that kindness and respect are NOT signs of weakness, but of strength. Try teaching your kids to go through life with respect and consideration - even for those who are "different". And try teaching your kids it's okay to have a brain, so they don't go around writing up asignments in leetspeek, or accusing black students who want an education that "they're becoming white!".

This country boasts of being a melting pot. Shouldn't that include people who think and dress differently? Shouldn't that mean tolerance and compassion for foreigners who don't learn our language in 2.3 seconds? Shouldn't that mean teaching others it's okay to express themselves, even if what comes out of their mouth doesn't match what the sedated tabloid robots say - you know, the ones who have the impression they run society?

Besides, think about it. Do you really want to let you kid grow up to be another asshole? So that they can become an asshole as an adult, and become just like your bullying supervisor, or Karl Rove, or George W. Bush?

These seeds of abuse, anger and hatred not only affect now, but affect tomorrow. Karl Rove didn't just become an asshole. He's been one for a long time. Seung-Hui Cho didn't just become a killer one morning. That seed was planted a long, long time ago...

We have had three ticking time bombs go off in the last ten years resulting in two high profile massacres that have claimed nearly four dozen lives... Four dozen TOO MANY.

When it is going to stop? How many more young people need to be pushed and tormented until it happens again? And what happens the next time? Does the next one just decide "To hell with guns! I'm going to blow up the whole school!" - taking thousands instead of dozens?!

How many more need to be pushed over the edge in the name of "kids will be kids" and "Be more hardcore than thou"? How many more seeds do plant, risking another Cho or Harris or Klebold? How many more lives need to be ruined - both immediately, and long-term?

When does it stop? When will we as a race grow up and realize true strength isn't ostracizing and hurting people who are different, but reaching out in compassion and support?

Because until we do, it's only a matter of when, not if, another tragedy like this will happen.

The saddest thing is, I feel things are only getting worse.

Labels: A world gone mad, Bushwhacking, Gone But Not Forgotten, Mi Vida Loca

Data: We are fucked. God help us all!

I've spent several days thinking about how to chime in on Cops: Britney Spears Edition in a nice way. It's not easy, mind you. I have about as much use for Britney Spears as I do a 1972 Chevy Vega, and in my own personal Abu Ghraib, "Hit Me Baby One More Time" and "Oops I Did It Again" are playing over and over and over in an endless loop.

Making matters worse is that February has been a rotten month so far, and it'd be so easy to tee off on Ms. Shears to vent. It'd be fun, too. Of course, it's not her fault, so I'll try not to...

On top of that, I am seriously trying to figure out whether Sinead O'Britney has genuinely lost her mind, or whether these is yet more "Look at me!" antics out of someone who has shattered the record for most career "Look at me!" antics in just seven years... There's plenty of evidence for both possibilities.

What I know is this: Britney Shears is out of control and clearly a danger to herself and others. Regardless of whether she is in need of a lengthy stay in a psych ward, or just in need of rehab and in dire need of growing a brain, what is obvious is that she is going to get someone killed (herself, or worse yet, someone else) if she doesn't clean up her act.

What's for certain is that in the last week, Britney has decided to audition to play Lt. Ilea in the new Star Trek movie, has checked in and out of rehab about as many times as I've checked into the Beverly Inn to attend tapings of The Price Is Right, and has actually turned Kevin Federline into a sympathetic character.

I would be lying if I said I didn't laugh my ass off the first time I got a look at Jean-Luc Britney on Saturday. Now, some women can pull off bald... Britney can't. Then again, I didn't think she was much to look at WITH hair, so that isn't surprising.

The more I read, the more it sounds to me like Britney's Fun With Shavers was part publicity stunt (how convenient that reporters just happened to be there to tape all of this), and part cover your ass (makes it pretty hard to test hair follicles for drugs when you shave every damned bit of it off your whole body). I know some people have seen the Mr. Clean hairdo as a cry for help. I'm not so sure, when you consider the amused look on her face throughout the whole fiasco, and her classy responses to the press ("Go fuck yourself." and "I did it because of you."). Responses like that sound like an attention-seeking child to me.

Then we get the neverending adventures of "Where's Britney Today?". She's in rehab. No, she left. She's back in rehab. No, she left again. She's back. No she's not. Yes she is.

Look, this isn't so funny. Regardless of whether she is losing her mind, or just too busy trying to dethrone Spuds McKenzie as America's Party Animal, it's well past the time to sober up and clean up. If Britney had no children and wanted to destroy herself, that's her business. But she has two children (that I definitely feel she should NOT have brought into this world to begin with) that need her. By fucking up her life, she is fucking up THEIR lives, and that has me feeling very sorry for those kids, and very disgusted with their mother... Disgusted to the point where I hope Kevin "Gravy Train" Federline gets full custody of them.

With Fed-Ex? They have a chance of living to see adulthood. With Britney? I'm honestly surprised she hasn't killed them yet - and at the rate she's going, it wouldn't be long until she did if she retained custody.

Regardless of what the issue is here, and what's turning Britney Spears into the new Anna Nicole Smith, to a degree (as much as it makes me sick to admit), I feel for her. Being an annoying, overrated pop star doesn't mean she deserves to die (or, worse yet, kill someone else). This is a person that clearly doesn't know how to take care of herself, know how to live a sane life, and certainly isn't equipped to be a parent (we're talking about someone who doesn't seem to understand the difference between a Cabbage Patch Kid and a real, living child). She, for all her so-called success, has never had a chance, and while she has played a part in making a disaster out of her own life, there are more than a few people who have contributed to this neverending saga...

Lynne Spears: You are worse than just being a rotten parent. You are a parasite, a stage mom on crack. You raised a child whose sole purpose in life was to become rich and famous at all costs - at the cost of her normalcy, the cost of an education, and at the rate she's going, her life.

So your daughter basically popped out of your infernal womb wanting to become "the next Madonna"? Wonderful. Kids grow up wanting to eat Twinkies instead of brocoli, too, but that doesn't mean you buy stock in Hostess.

You have created a person with no grasp of reality, no impulse control, and no mind. A child in the overexposed 25 year old body. A woman who thinks Canada is an overseas country. A woman who only knows how to put herself in the news - even if it means childish, insane publicity stunts. A woman who isn't even qualified to work at McDonald's. But why should you care? You are wealthy and famous because you whored out your daughter.

And what scares me even more is you have Mini Britney, a 15 year old who is likely headed in the same direction...

What scares me even worse is I truly believe the only person you give a shit about is yourself. I think if your daughter managed to kill herself tomorrow, you'd be busy thinking about what that could do for royalties and your bank account.

Way to go, Lynne. Do something useful in life - write a book about your failed experiment. Title it "How NOT To Raise A Kid". Consider it a public service to women who don't want to fuck up the way you have.

The media: Take one sheltered, shallow, attention-starved, programmed young woman, and give her attention like it's the most important thing in the world. What do you think will happen? Yeah, you guessed it: Even MORE hijinks.

Go on and keep publicizing her pantyless romps like it's relevant news.

Go ahead and treat her divorce like it's the biggest story around.

Go ahead and cover her head-shaving hijinks at all costs.

You may not be Britney's Dr. Frankenstein, but you've certainly fueled her fire over the years.

For starters, some people can handle pressure. Some can't. Some people in the know believe part of what fueled Darryl Strawberry's drug abuse was the pressure on him - the pressure of playing in New York, the pressure to succeed or be booed... The pressure of being called the "black Ted Williams" when he first hit the majors.

How much pressure do you think you put on Britney when you wasted no time in crowning her "the next Madonna"? This was a young woman in need of being told to be herself and handle her own life, and instead she feels the need to be someone she's not?

There isn't going to be a "next Madonna", just as there isn't going to be a "next Babe Ruth", a "next Wilt Chamberlain", or a "next John Lennon", to name a few. Some people are once a generation. Some are once in a lifetime. People like them are once EVER. Putting the pressure on people do become them is damned unfair, and more than some people can handle.

You, however, have certainly added to my frustration over the past several days. While you ass-clowns have subjected us to CSI: Anna Nicole and Britney: Chaotic - 24/7 - you have continued to ignore real stories...

Like Bush wanting to send more troops to die to protect his oil fields.

Or how about this whole Salmonella in Peter Pan peanut butter mess? Sure, you gave it about two minutes of coverage before back to Britney's Bogus Journey. Nevermind the fact that over 290 people have gotten sick off this shit. Nevermind the fact there have been two deaths (you didn't even bother to report THAT). Nevermind the fact CONAgra (putting the Con in the food industry) has a nasty reputation when it comes to food safety. Hey, everyone! Britney shaved her head! That's all the news you need to know!

(Forgive me for being a little bitter over this peanut butter shit. I have a friend - Eric - who may have gotten Salmonella, and I know one person who is indeed among those 290-plus confirmed cases... MY FATHER. He, fortunately, is fine now. I am still irate, though.)

But this is nothing new. You have been subjecting us to this All Anna Nicole, All Britney, All Perez Hilton, All Lindsay All The Time crap for YEARS.

You can't be bothered most of the time to put faces and names with those who have died in Bush's war of lies in Iraq. You can't be bothered to tell us how businesses are fucking people over and ruining lives to make even MORE money. You can't be bothered to report stories that affect people's lives. No, it's much easier and much more entertaining to continue to feed the tabloid monsters, the starfucks who somehow have become the most important people in the world.

Not only are you dangerous by ignoring shit that really matters, but this nonstop coverage is only egging these people on to do even MORE to get themselves in the press.

Worse yet, anyone with a brain knows how much you live to build people up to destroy them. You assholes probably are laughing your asses off at Anna Nicole Smith, and if you succeed in pushing Britney into the publicity stunt that sends her to the great big party in the sky, you'd probably laugh it up at that, too.

CNN, NBC, ABC, CBS, Fox, etc: Pull your heads out of your goddamned asses and do your jobs.

Britney's so-called friends: Yeah, that's it. Watch your "friend" destroy herself with drugs and alcohol. Give her more. Party it up with her. Pick her up from rehab after she's been there 24 hours. Don't bother to think about your "friend", or her two kids. Party, party, party all the time! Party 'till you puke! Party 'till you die!

With friends like you, who needs enemies?

This all said, Britney Spears herself is not blameless, and so let me close this with an "open letter" to Kojak herself:

Britney,

Here are a few things you ought to seriously consider the next time you decide to spend a night on the "Eve Of Destruction".

You are a mother: If you destroy yourself, it's not just your own life that is at stake. There happen to be two children YOU brought into this world, children that you will leave behind.

There are few things in life that hurt worse than losing your mother. Believe me, I know. I lost mine nearly twenty years ago. To say this still affects me would be an understatement.

Take a look at your own hero, Madonna. She lost her mother at the age of five. Quite frankly, I don't think she began to even remotely heal from the loss of the original Madonna Louise Ciccone until she brought her daughter into the world - at the age of 38.

You want to leave your kids behind to try to cope with that?

You went on and on for years in interviews, about how you wanted babies so much. You've got them. Either take care of them, or give them to someone who will.

Wake up and put them first, ahead of your flashing, your publicity stunts and your drugs. Put them first before you fuck up three lives instead of one.

Quit being an honorary Hilton sister: Drugged out and stupid is no way to go through life. Not only is there the abuse to your own body, but the lapse in judgement that comes from scrambling your brains with drugs.

Believe me, I know that all too well also... I might still have two parents if it wasn't for that.

I don't wish death upon anyone, but the more I watch you and your pals flashing yourselves, fucking around and getting wasted without a care in the world, I become fearful that someone is going to wind up dead. Is that what is needed as a wake-up call? I hope not, but I am beginning to fear it will come to that.

Rehab is not a drive-thru: I know this is the 21st century, that we want everything NOW, and thanks to technology, many things are available instanstly... Income tax refunds, loans, car insurance, you name it.

Rehab is not one of them.

This time, try sticking around and cleaning yourself up. If not for yourself, then at least do it for your kids.

Get some help before you kill someone: I don't know if it's going to be you, or your kids, or friends, or innocent bystanders, or a conbination of the above. But at the rate you're going, someone is going to end up dying by your hands.

You may feel like your life is ruined. You may be miserable. But do something, before it's too damned late, before someone's life winds up finished and destroyed.

Labels: Bushwhacking, Presstitutes, Sinead O'Britney

Phenomenon Of The Year: Isn't it funny how someone can be "old" and "Washed-up", yet continually make the news (Crossgate, Adoptiongate)? Then, of course, there are those meaningless little facts, like a single that set a record by going to #1 in 42 countries (including Iraq!), and an album that went to #1 in 29 countries (also a record)?

Let's face it.. Madonna is as powerful as ever. I... am... eternal!

Honorable mention: 35 years later, The Price is STILL Right!

Biggest Debacle Of The Year: Look, I have no use for Saddam Hussein, either. But doesn't anyone else find it - I don't know, hypocritical? - to hang a guy for "crimes against humanity"? Furthermore, with the instability in Iraq, this could be like taking a Santa Ana-fueled brushfire and dumping gasoline on it...

I seriously think the smartest thing to do would've been to lock the guy up and let him rot in prison. Hell, he was about to turn 70. How much longer would he have been around, anyway?

Dishonorable Mentions: George W. Bush, the continuing mass murder in Iraq, Terrell Owens, Barry Bonds, Donald Wildmon, people whining about a 48 year old woman singing on a cross, people whining about a 48 year old woman adopting a child, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Linsday Lohan... Did I mention George W. Bush?

Most Amusing News Story Of The Year: For a cool $1.1 million, you could've bought a 4 bed, 3.5 bath house at 1428 Genessee in Los Angeles.

Sound familiar? Maybe now it will...

1, 2, Freddy's coming for you...

Honorable mention: The media reacting to Ken Jennings' blog post about Jeopardy! as though he was being serious. Do you idiots not know satire?

Craziest thing I did in ***6: Don't ask. Really.

Honorable mentions: Increasing my doll collection from 0 to 2. It's been years since I've had any dolls. But now, of course, I have Breathless and Mini Me gracing my desk.

Most incredible day of the year (TIE): June 3 and August 31...

June 3, of course, finally ended 20 years of waiting, when that giant disco ball popped open and Madonna kicked off the night with "Future Lovers". The dream was finally reality. The energy, the performance, the theatrics, and of course briefly seeing my twin, seperated only by a few feet and a car window...

August 31 was of course my fourth taping of The Price Is Right, and little did we know at the time, Bob's final season premiere. But take a day of television history, and combine the passion, the energy, the love - and, of course, Chuck - and you had a day that won't ever be forgotten.

It's moments like that that help keep me going...

Darkest day of the year: October 31. More bad news for my father, and of course Bob Barker's heartbreaking announcement...

October 13 comes close. Thanks for the memories, Arnie!

Artist Of The Year: Ummm.. This is a tough one. Had one of the biggest hits in history. Huge tour. Still all over the press.. Oh, yes.. Madge!

Honorable Mentions: The Rolling Stones - still rocking their way toward Social Security

Worst Artist Of The Year (TIE): Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Guns 'n Roses (hated you in the 80's, and still hate you today. Give it up, Axl.)

Dishonorable Mentions: Shania Twain, Eminem, Christina Aguilera, Gwen "Sellout" Stefani, Mariah Carey, Kelly Osbourne, all boy bands and/or any solo acts from any of their members, and nearly all of today's rock and alternative bands that sound the same - even sounding like the have the same lead singer

Song Of The Year (TIE): "Hung Up" and "Jump" by Madonna, "Come On Down" by Crystal Waters, the theme to The Price Is Right. Fine. So none of them were released this year. This year sucked for music, yet again..

Honorable mentions: Ummm.. The rest of Confessions On A Dance Floor

Worst Song Of The Year (TIE): Anything by Paris Hilton, Mariah Carey, Jessica Simpson, etc. etc. etc.

Dishonorable mentions: Chances are if it's mainstream and on the charts, it STILL FUCKING sucks.

Album Of The Year: Confessions On A Dance Floor by Madonna (did any good albums come out in ***6?)

Honorable Mention: Surely you jest...

Worst Album Of The Year: I would like to be done with this post before 2007 :P

Dishonorable mention: 99.9% of the albums released this year..

TV Series Of The Year: The Price Is Right. The price is still right, bitch! But for how long?

Honorable Mentions: Jeopardy!

Worst Series Of The Year: Reality TV. Take your pick. Chaotic, Survivor, Fear Factor, The Swan, Amazing Race, American Idol, The Apprentice, the list goes on and on and on... And stop me if you've heard this before - like last year! (Sorry, reality shows will get this every year until they cease to exist)

Dishonorable Mention: Just about anything else on network television...

Jump The Shark series of the year: South Park. I truly think it's done, sadly.

Game Show Host Of The Year - and of all-time: The Man, The Myth, The Legend...

Honorable mention: Trebektron 4000, Howie Mandel

Worst Game Show Host Of The Year: Ryan Seacrest - again. If you can call American Idol a game show. Regardless, Seacrest sucks. Seacrest out? Yeah, get out already!

Game Show Moment Of The Year: August 31 (or September 18, depending on your point of view).

"And Vickyann, if you don't go over, you're a winner. You bid $89,500 on your showcase. And Vickyann, the actual retail price of your showcase is... Eighty nine thousand... seven thirty nine! YOU WIN BOTH SHOWCASES! Both showcases! You have won $147,517! Vickyann is the biggest winner in Price Is Right history, daytime!"

Game Show Moment Of The YEARS: Thank you for 35 priceless years, Bob!

Movie Of The Year: Huh? Were there any good ones?

Worst Movie Of The Year: Material Girls. Blasphemy!

Drunkest I Got In ***6: Hasn't happened... yet. That'll be in about 12 hours...

Favorite Thing To Collect In ***6: More Madonna shirts, refrigerator magnets, more boots, and of course, Breathless and Lil' Maddy

Phrase Of The Year (TIE): "The Price Is Right, bitch!", "Bidding on Bob's pants"

Honorable Mentions: "Oh my god! They killed Kenny!", "Chuck! Chuck! Chuck!", "I can't hear you, motherfuckers!", "YOU'RE WINNER!"

Friends I'm Grateful For In ***6: Ann, Alane, Eric and his family, Alfonzo, Rob, Ginger, K, Elaine, Sydney, Mike, Holly, Ed, Chris, Daria, Krissie, Jenn, Esther (when are we going to find your man?), Michelle, Sufwatt, Gary, Candice, Susan, and Stefanie.

Hopes For 2007: Rich Fields being hired to host The Price Is Right, World peace (just like every year), corporations that quit fucking over people for bigger profits, a music industry that quits fucking artists and fans and ruining music, a World Series for the Cubs

Phrases I'd Like To Never Hear In 2007:

2006 (which you will never again see me type. EVER!)
Terrell Owens
Paris Hilton
President Bush
Home run king Barry Bonds
FCC
Preemptive Strike
Stay the course
War On Terror
Fontana, California
Britney Spears
Jessica Simpson
Lindsay Lohan
Governor Schwarzenegger
Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots
Michael jordon
And now, here's the star of The Price Is Right, Dave Price/Rosie O'Donnell/Ryan Seacrest

Gone But Not Forgotten In ***6: Coretta Scott King, Peter Tomarken, Byron Nelson, Buck O'Neil, James Brown, Kirby Puckett, William Diehl, Steve Irwin, Red Auerbach, Joseph Barbera, Wilson Pickett, Billy Preston, Jack Palance, Robert Altman, Gerald Ford, Syd Barrett, Milan Williams, Freddy Fender, "Grandpa" Al Lewis, Lou Rawls, Ruth Brown, Gerald Levert, Ed Bradley, Lloyd Bentsen, Red Buttons, Dennis Weaver, Don Knotts, Jack Warden, Darren McGavin, Maureen Stapleton, Aaron Spelling, Paul Carr, Jack Wyatt, Joseph Berbard, Byron Morrow, Hal Lynch, Franklin Cover, Mike Evans, Paul Gleason, Bruno Kirby, Robert Donner, June Allyson, Gene McFadden, Gene Pitney, Shelley Winters, Chris Penn, Dana Reeve, Mickey Spillane, Jack Williamson, Johnny Jackson, Manar Maged, Silas Simmons, Curt Gowdy, Lamar Hunt, Patty Berg, Bo Schembechler, Larry Sherry, Jack Snow, Dick Bass, Dave Brown, Floyd Patterson, Earl Woods, Cory Lidle, Rod Dedeaux, Joe Niekro, Rod Jones, Russ Swan, Jose Uribe, Chris Brown, Eric Gregg, Steve Howe (shaking my head), Jim Delsing, Pat Dobson, Johnny Sain, Steve Mizerak, Trevor Burbick, Paul Arizin

May 2007 be a great year for everyone! And a huge Happy Anniversary to you, Bob!

Labels: Barker Worship, Bushwhacking, Camp Barker, Gone But Not Forgotten, Madge Collecting, Madge Worship, Presstitutes, Religious Right Ain't Right, That's What Friends Are For, Year In Review

Since later today, that noted criminal Dita will perform in Germany (and, of course, be watched by prosecutors via the media), I figure now is a good time to take one last look at Crossgate - For now... Until someone else throws a tantrum about it... - and the excessive whining we've had to put up with from the Righties over the last three months...

I had mentioned in my FIRST post on the subject that my friend Chris, at my suggestion, ranted about Crossgate on The Lounge, his weekly show on WYRM-AM back in May. Well, fortunately, Chris finally put an audio clip of the rant up on his MySpace profile.

An edited version of the clip (with only the Esther rant) is available here. Besides, I figured this was too good to not keep around, since Chris will probably rotate the clip off his profile in the near future.

Here is the transcript of what Chris said on the matter:

"If you spend any time or energy this week complaing about Madonna singing a song on a crucifix, then you are my Loser Of The Week.

Go ahead and call me and start complaining now... The reality is that there are so many monstrosities in this world, like preemptive wars without cause killing thousands of our best and brightest, domestic violence at an all-time high, and teenage pregnency continues to soar.

But you don't care about any of that, because some forty seven year old attention-starved bimbo jumped on a crucifix to sing a song.

Wake up and devote your energies to a cause that might save a life! Just because your boy Reverend Falwell and your string-pulling masters at Fox News tell you that it's an outrage doesn't mean you need to jump, you Kool-Aid drinking lemming! Make your judgements based upon what you believe...

Was it tasteless? Probably.

Did it really hurt you? Probably not.

If you only got so outraged about the real problems facing this world, you might not be such a LOSER!"

First off, let me comment on the "attention-starved bimbo" part. That was not only not nice, but not true. How dare you insult Her Madgesty so. You're not of The Body! YOU'RE NOT OF THE BODY!

(Actually, Chris wanted to originally call her a "forty seven year old washed-up has-been." Oy...)

And, well, as I've said before, I found the performance of "Live To Tell" to being a very powerful, very moving and very thought-provoking performance. I saw nothing tasteless about it. It's not like she was bumping and grinding, or screaming "FUCK THE VATICAN!" or anything like that. What IS tasteless is the manner in which she's being tarred, feathered, grilled and baked by the media over an ARTISTIC STATEMENT.

Now that I got my two grievaneces with Chris' rant out of the way...

I do completely agree with the rest of the rant. Isn't it amazing how so many people act like Esther's performance is some huge deal and worth getting worked up about - all the while, they don't give a damn about the war in Iraq, domestic violence and other REAL LIFE problems that affect their everyday lives?

What is more harmful: Madonna on the cross, or George W. Bush's domestic and foreign policies? Think about it... Really.

But, after all, it's far easier to gripe, bitch and attack an entertainer than devote time and energy toward real problems. Protest the war in Iraq? Naww... Just attack Madonna instead!

And, as I've said before, she's been a very popular target since 9/11 - since, after all, terrorists don't hate our country the way liberals do... At least, that's what Ann Cuntiergeist says.

Speaking of The Cuntiergeist, would someone please explain to me how everyone can sure raise holy hell over that evil, offensive cross that is responsible for all the sin in the world, but nobody in the so-called "liberal" media seems to give a flying fuck about what Cuntiergeist says?

I mean, let me share a couple quotes with you from the right wing streetwalker herself that I found about 10,000,000 times more offensive that a crown of thorns and a giant mirrored crucifix:

"U.S. soldiers who die in Iraq knew they would. Most of them couldn't get a decent job in the private sector anyway, so what does it matter? Someone has to die in a war, why not the poor?"

"Soldiers are just cowards with their backs against the wall. The lowest IQ men in our society, those incapable of normal careers enlist. Their choice in life; prison or the military. Some will have to die in the support of our cause."

How callous can you get? How vicious can you get?! Talk about a complete and utter lack of compassion and respect for human life!

Yet, The Right wants to tell the masses that it's the liberals who don't "support our troops" and "hate America". Well, I have yet to hear any famous liberal spew this kind of hatred toward our troops. They're sickened over the loss of life in the Middle East - both ours AND the tens of thousands of dead civilians. They want the war to end so NOBODY else dies - rich, poor, white, black, whatever.

But, when Ann Cuntier says something hateful and vicious like this, nobody in the press seems to bat an eye - because she's not only conservative, but their too busy gawking at her giraffe legs. It's perfectly okay, because she's a good "patriot".

Where's the outrage? Where's the anger? The Righties can attack people like me for opposing the war on the grounds I "don't support" the troops, but they don't give a shit when someone basically says they deserved to die and they were "worthless" anyway?

Really puts the Madonna bashing into perspective, doesn't it? Really makes them look like the band of self-righteous hypocrites they really are when they can go on and on about the fucking cross, but Ann Cuntiergeist gets free pass after free pass.

I mean, how many offensive comments has Esther made about our soldiers? How many times has she said they deserve to die? How much hatred has SHE spewed to the media since 9/11 (and, no, her performance of "Live To Tell" is NOT hatred)?

What the fuck is wrong with this world?

Labels: Bushwhacking, I'll Give You A Cross, Madge Worship, Presstitutes, Religious Right Ain't Right

Apparently, in the summer of 2006, there is nothing more important to talk about. Not the Barry Bonds steroid scandal. Not the Floyd Landis steroid scandal. Not Ann Cuntier's vicious attacks upon innocent widows. Not Iraqgate. Not Bush's current approval rating of -%26. Not Mel Gibson's anti-semetic statements (though, of course, it's perfectly okay to fixate on his beard and drinking). And we sure as fuck can't waste our time discussing the fact Bill O'Lielly had the gall to say that Jennifer Moore got what she asked for when she was abducted, raped and murdered - because, after all, The Almighty O'Reilly is above criticism.

So, gee, let's fixate on the fucking cross some more. No, not the cross that "Christ" died on, but the cross made famous by everyone's favorite entertainer...

Yes, once again THE Cross is in the news, because - heaven forbid! - Esther Madge performed "Live To Tell" from it in Italy. And, once again, she was "condemned" by those stodgy old, blowhard assholes in the Vatican - because, after all, performing from the cross is the worst thing going on in the world today.

Quite frankly, I don't give a flying fuck what the Catholic church has to say. Your opinion, and $1.50, can buy me a cup of coffee.

Why should I care? Why should I care when you talk out your ass yet again, accusing Madge of "Christ bashing" and that her performance is an "open act of hostility", when you've spent more time riding her ass than you have lashing out at Mel Gibson - who is not only openly Catholic, but openly anti-semetic?

Or maybe THAT is why you're bashing Madonna yet again: Perhaps you're hoping that by getting everyone's panties in a bunch about the Material Mommy, you'll distract people from your very own freak, Mad Mel himself?

Or, then again, maybe you're not one bit bothered by Lethal Gibson because your views aren't that far from his own?

Regardless, you have about as much relevence to me as the World Cup, and you know why? Because when that sex scandal went down years ago, The Powers That Be in the Catholic church were far more worried with saving face and TRYING TO COVER THIS SHIT UP than taking action. You were far more concerned with sweeping a series of crimes and genuine sins under the rug to protect the church's reputation than taking a stand.

As someone who has been sexually assaulted, I found YOUR actions to be an "open act of hostility", far fucking worse than a singer on a mirrored crucifix. What Would Jesus Do, huh? Well, I think it's safe to say Jesus would be far more pissed off at your self-serving, arrogant, disrespectful and blasphemous handling of your sex scandal than Esther Madge Ritchie's performance.

Or, as Stephanie Miller recently said on the matter:

"What I'm shocked about is that anyone can still be shocked about Madonna. I'm shocked about that. And I think that a lot of our friends on the religious right are playing missing the point entirely. I think what she's talking about is what religion is supposed to be about and Jesus talked a lot about helping the poor and helping the needy and he said nothing about homosexuality. A lot of these gay-bashers on the right and people that are defending Mel Gibson's anti-semitic rant, it's kind of ironic that they're outraged by a Madonna show, that's covered by the first amendment."

Also, Stephanie came right out and said she wonders why the Catholic church isn't as outraged about priests molesting children as they are over this. THANK YOU, STEPHANIE!

Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Benedict. God must be dead if you're alive.

But, leave it to the media yet again to act like this is major, significant news. Because, after all, it's far easier to blast that liberal looney than blast people who really deserve it. Like:

George W. Bush, who is continuing to get people killed in his war of lies in Iraq - not to mention doing nothing while his friends in the oil industry loot America.

Ann Cuntier, who continues to spew venom and hatred at innocent people - like widows who lost their husbands in 9/11.

Mel Gibson, who now that he's a washed-up actor (like anyone would've given a shit about him had it not been for the Lethal Weapon series) has nothing better to do than drive drunk and attack Jews.

Bill O'Reilly, who had the nerve to sit there on the air and claim Jennifer Moore got what she asked for.

(And, can you imagine what would happen if Olbermann or Springer sat on the air and said a young woman asked for it because she was wearing a halter top and miniskirt? They'd be chased off the air. But, O'Reilly can say and do whatever he wants - spew hatred, physically attack anti-war liberals and sexually harass women - and gets his ass kissed by the rest of the presstitutes in this country.)

No, let's just go after Madonna some more. After all, Madonna is the antichrist. Madonna is evil. Everytime Madonna sings, people turn into terrorists. Everytime Madonna sings on the cross, someone dies. After all, Madonna on the cross is a far bigger threat to the world than George W. Bush, a far bigger embarassment to the Catholic church than Mel Gibson, and if she just went away, everything would be all better!

My ass.

Here's a thought: If you don't like Esther and the Magical Cross that has taken over the world's consciousness, DON'T ATTEND HER CONCERTS. DON'T WATCH THE CONCERT NBC WILL AIR. Just ignore it, and fixate on American Idle or Jessica Simpson or whatever.

But for crying out loud, quit acting like this is the biggest thing going on in the world today. It's a performance. One accompanied by some very real images and statistics in the background.

But it sure as hell isn't a scandal, and sure as hell isn't the biggest issue going on today - not even in the close-minded, self-righteous Catholic church.

And your pressitutes, shut up and save your criticism and piling on for those who deserve it.

I'll end this post with a cute picture, a screenshot of what Faux News viewers saw for a few seconds the other night.

During Hannity and Colmes, someone was standing behind Alan Colmes with a pro-Ned Lamont sign (he, of course, did us all a favor by sending Joseph Lieberman packing in the primaries. Good riddance, you fraud.)

Well, at just the right time, he spun around his sign to reveal three absolutely beautiful words:



I couldn't have said it better myself...

Labels: BALCO Barry, Bushwhacking, Hannity Sucks Ass, I'll Give You A Cross, Madge Worship, Presstitutes, Religious Right Ain't Right

Christine: "Hello, and welcome back to this special episode of You Can't Do That On The Internet. Over the next 24 hours..."

*crew groans*

Christine: "Yeah, yeah.. Anyway, over the next 24 hours, you'll get to hear Maddy exercise her free speech - and believe me, she already has today."

Maddy: "What can I say? I love the First Amendment!"

Christine: "We can tell..."

Bob: "There's nothing worse than a drunk Canadian!"

Sadly, speaking of the things you can't say on TV, I must admit to feeling a bit of disappointment that Madge is going to televise one of her concerts from the Confessions Tour on NBC. I mean, NBC (my least favorite network: For cancelling Star Trek, and Quantum Leap, and The Facts Of Life right after Sherrie joined the cast!) is going to butcher the thing to shit...

You just can't have a Madonna concert without her saying "fuck". Think they'll allow that on the air? Of course not!

The erotic and sensual fun of "Future Loves" and "Forbidden Love"? Likely gone.

The "Sorry" interlude? No way! Considering that NBC is owned by General Electric - who brings good things to death with the arsenal of WMD they manufacture - there's no way that Madge's anti-war and anti-Bush messages make it on the air.

I do wish she would've gone with HBO again. Sure, it'd reach a smaller audience, but you know they would've aired the entire concert, uncut and uncensored...

What can I say but the decency laws in this country piss me off. Parents should control what their kids see on TV, not the government. Don't like it? Don't let them watch and/or turn the channel.

I just don't feel like this concert on NBC will be the same, sadly... Fortunately, I'll always have my memories.

Currently listening to: "Tessie" by the Dropkick Murphys, "Sultans Of Swing" by Dire Straits

Labels: Blogathon 2006, Bushwhacking, Free Speech, I'll Give You A Cross, Madge Worship, Peacock Hunting, Religious Right Ain't Right, Stone Cold Sherrie Austin

One topic I've been dying to talk about, and have saved for today, are the recent stories suggesting that radio is boycotting my twin sister, Esther.

I'm glad these stories have come out. No, I'm not happy that she can't seem to get airplay anymore, but it's nice to know I'm not a fucking looney and the only one who thought her music was being boycotted.

I've thought this for a couple of years now, ever since I browsed allmusic.com and saw she hadn't had a #1 hit since "Music". Coincidence that this was the last single she released before Clear Channel's buddy Bush took power?

I don't think so.

We've already seen what kind of power Clear Channel wields. You sure don't hear much Bruce Springsteen on the radio anymore. And they completely derailed the Dixie Chicks, despite the fact they were (at the time of Natalie Maines' awesome comment) one of the most popular acts in country music.

It seems, since 9/11, that being a liberal is the worst crime you can commit anymore. It's okay to defraud people out of billions of dollars (ask Ken Lay and Jeff Skilling). It's okay to do drugs (ask Rush Limbaugh). But your ass is grass if you dare to be liberal, disagree with Bush or speak out on his wars.

And, let's face it: It has been open season on Esther Madge since 9/11, when she had the guts and decency to say what needed to be said: She urged Bush to "show some restraint".

Believe me, I saw some of the reaction to that statement. At the time, I was a moderator on the operationjustice.org forums (the sister site to chandralevy.com, started up a few days after 9/11). If I had a nickel for every person who called her "un-American", and told her to "shut the hell up" and "Go back to England already", I'd be able to buy the apartment building I live in...

I'm all for free speech, including the right to disagree. I know people out there don't like Madge, and will never like anything she says, but "shut the hell up" and "leave" comes across to me as more of an attempt to stifle free speech than supporting it.

The irony is the people who tend to say such things to Bush dissenters and pacifists are the ones who scream the most about "protecting freedom".

Anyway, it seems since then, Madge has gotten it worse from the mainstream corporate right-wing press than she ever did during the Erotica/Sex book/Body Of Evidence period, and we all know how bad she got it back then...

As far as her airplay, sure... It was easy to try to suggest she was an old, unpopular "has-been" with "American Life", which many of her own fans admit they were disappointed with.

But her current material? Well, let me ask all of you out there what all these countries have in common: Australia, Austria, Belgium, Brazil, Bulgaria, Canada, Chile, Colombia, Denmark, Estonia, Faroe Islands, Finland, France, Germany, Honduras, Hungary, Indonesia, Iraq, Israel, Italy, Japan, Latvia, Lebanon, Lithuania, Luxembourg, Malta, Macedonia, Mexico, The Netherlands, Norway, Philippines, Poland, Rumania, Russia, Serbia, Slovenia, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, Turkey, Ukraine, United Kingdom...

No, this is not a new coalition of the willing. This isn't a list of countries that I can't legally enter. Those are all the countries that "Hung Up" went to #1 in! "Hung Up" set a record by going to #1 in 42 different countries!

Notice anyone missing from the list - like maybe the UNITED STATES?! That's right... It peaked at #7 here.

I would like to ask the assclowns with Clear Channel communications how someone can go to #1 in 42 different countries, or how their album can go to #1 in 43 different countries (also a record!), yet the artist isn't "popular enough" - as they've had the gall to claim to people who call in to request Madge's songs?

And she's "too old"? Cher was 52 when "Believe" was all over radio and topping the charts. How can 47 be "too old", but 52 isn't "that old"?

Simple. The political climate has changed since 9/11. And some fuckheads have taken "You're either with us, or you're with the terrorists" a little too far...

Like Clear Channel.

"Hung Up" is by far the most popular single of Madge's career. It's arguably one of the most popular singles in history. And it can't crack #1 here?!

To a degree, I know it's current music tastes. You can't seem to get on the radio anymore unless you're a whining alternative band, a pissed off metal band, a pissed off rapper or a former teeny-bopper turned bimbo (see: Simpson, Jessica). But that certainly can't be the whole story...

Esther Madge may be more popular now than she was in the late 80's. The only way her concerts would sellout any faster would be if she offered a night of sex to anyone who bought a ticket. Yet she isn't "popular" enough for Clear Channel - the 4,000 pound gorilla that's crushing the industry?

No, it's more like she's too LIBERAL for Clear Channel - just like the Dixie Chicks and Bruce Springsteen (to name a couple others).

Didn't we outgrow this kind of black-balling fascist bullshit in the 50's with McCarthyism? Guess not.

As for Clear Channel, don't give me chickenshit and tell me it's chicken salad. Don't claim there's no boycott when there clearly is. And don't give listeners bullshit excuses like she's "too old" and "not popular enough".

I mean, we all know damned good and well that if George Burns were still alive, and he did a duet with Snoop Dogg or 50 Cent or Eminem, you'd play that - especially if George were a good little soldier and didn't say shit about Georgie Boy and his wars.

(And for the record, no: I don't know George Burns' political affiliation.)

Yes, Clear Channel has the right to run their monopoly as they see fit (though, why they even have one is beyond me). But it's just damned childish and pathetic when perfectly good artists get blackballed off the radio because of their political beliefs.

What a shining example of freedom... What a way to support free speech.

Currently listening to: "The Royal Scam" by Steely Dan (yes, again), "The FCC Song" by Eric Idle, "Human Nature" by Madonna

Labels: Blogathon 2006, Bushwhacking, Free Speech, Madge Worship, Religious Right Ain't Right, Unclear Channel

Over the last week, I have grown more and more disgusted over "The Cross"...

No, it's not Esther Madge that I'm mad at, nor what she is done. I am disgusted over the controversy and complaining that I've heard over the last week.

First off, let me make it clear that my frustration isn't bias because of the fact I am a Madonna fan - I'd be just as disgusted over the griping and publicity if this was Snoop Doggy Dogg or Eminem that had pulled this, and I have no use for either one of them.

Second, I am not targeting individuals who are offended by what she has done - unless you're one of those individuals who is pissed off over a woman singing from a cross, but is proud of the 100,000 "terrorists" that have been murdered in Iraq since March of ***3. Because, just like nobody died when Clinton lied about getting sucked off in the Oval Office, nobody died when Esther Madge got strapped to a 20 foot high crucifix to sing "Live To Tell"...

This is not an attempt to tell people what they are supposed to think. I know there are people who absolutely hate Madonna, and they aren't going to change their minds, no matter what. The people who love her will cheer her on, no matter what she does. The haters will take everything she does and make it sound as negative as possible. That's the way it's always been, and always will be, when it comes to Madonna. I understand this as well as anyone, as in 20 years I've had two stages of idolizing her, and one stage of hating her...

What I am galled over, though, is the media coverage and the statements coming from God, Incorporated (AKA organized religion). It isn't so much the statements, per se, as it is the fucked up priorities involved.

For the last week, we've been flooded with media coverage about Esther Madge's latest attempt to rock the boat. While some of the headlines have been cute (ie. "You're going to make everyone very cross, Madge" and "Mad-Donna!"), what pisses me off is how Madonna's "crucifixion" is a far bigger issue than Bush playing Spy Hunter, Bush's lies to lead us into mass murder, or even the Enwrong convictions.

Get a clue, people. A 47 year old woman on a cross is NOT a bigger story than Bush and Blair lying to lead us into Iraq, where we have killed over 100,000 civilians and completely destabalized an entire region. Yet, according to our icon-driven, right-wing media, it is. Why? Because Madonna is an anti-war liberal, she "desecrated" the cross (as though Bush doesn't desecrate your holy items when he claims to be a devout Christian and says "God" told him to kill 100,000 Iraqis), and well... She's Madonna.

I mean, what the hell has gotten more press coverage: The Cross, or Ma Bell turning over data to the NSA without warrants - a BLATANT violation of federal law?

How about the Enwrong convictions? Madonna didn't bilk billions of dollars out of people (not only their employees, but the people of California with their ***1 energy scam that destroyed this state's economy and opened the door for Arnold Steroidanegger to be installed as governor), but you'd think from the way the media is acting, Madonna did much worse...

Get your heads out of your asses, presstitutes. There are far bigger problems than Madonna singing from a cross. You're as bad as Martha Burk, as far as I'm concerned.

Yes, that's right... Maddy is not a fan of Martha Burk. She thinks the biggest issue concerning women today is getting women into Augusta National? Wake up and smell the noise, bitch. Why don't you focus on equal wages, sex discrimination in the workplace and housing, and fighting sexual harassment? Better yet, Martha, shut your hole and volunteer your time at a battered woman's shelter... Getting yourself or Oprah Winfrey or Martha Stewart into Augusta is a far smaller concern than making sure women in the REAL world get treated fairly.

Well, the same applies here. The media needs to shut the fuck up about this, and worry about real issues: Like the 2000 and 2004 election scams, the wars leading us into Iraq, Spygate, Plamegate, Halliburton's no-bid contracts, FEMA fucking over New Orleans, and even the truth about 9/11.

Yet, the media can't be bothered with such "unimportant" issues. Instead of real news, we get the continuing multiplication of Federlines, TomKat, and Crossgate. Wake up and smell the noise. Instead of flooding us with this "news", do your damned jobs and tell us the truth about what our corrupt government of criminals is doing, here and abroad.

Nor, can the media be bothered to report the amount of money Madonna is donating from this tour to charities aiding those affected by Hurricane Katrina. After all, that is nowhere near as newsworthy as more manufactured Madonna controversy...

And you religious leaders? Where the hell were you when Bush started this war of agression? That's right, you were urging us to support our "fine" spiritual leader, and praying to "Jesus" for him to give Bush the strength to fulfill this. Who are the real hypocrites here: Madonna, or YOU, because apparently you forgot what "THOU SHALT NOT KILL" means.

Or, as I put it on Madge's blog:

IF there is/was a Jesus Christ, and IF he is/was anything like the Bible portrayed him, I can't picture him coming down to Earth, smiling and patting George W. Bush on the back, then turning to Madge, shaking his finger and shouting "SHAME ON YOU, MADONNA CICCONE. SHAME! HOW DARE YOU OFFEND ME SO. STRAIGHT TO HELL WITH YOU!"

Since when is singing on a cross worse than mass murder? What the hell is wrong with people? They're willing to speak out about a damned singer, but aren't one bit bothered by what has happened in the Middle East?!

That is why I'm pissed. Fortunately, I'm not alone. Chris ranted about the cross controversy on his radio show yesterday. And Eric thinks this controversy is absurd, and he isn't even a Madonna fan...

I honestly could care less whether we're talking about Madonna, or Axl Rose. Doing something that "offends" someone is not a bigger offense than killing people. Taking someone's life is - and always WILL be - far worse than "offensive" religious imagery. People aren't dying because of what Madonna did.

Funny how everytime there's a fucking Bush in office, people seem to quit caring about human life - ESPECIALLY when the lives in question are Iraqi...

Quite frankly, I'm disgusted enough to have already spoofed this on one message board, and am planning on spoofing it with a T-Shirt.

I "hosted" a play-along TPIR show on Golden-Road.net, and concluded it by spoofing the cross controversy during Rich Fields' signoff:

Rich (while strapped to a 20 foot mirrored crucifix): "This is Rich Fields, speaking for The Price Is Right! A Mark Goodson Television Production. Don't stay tuned for Madonna live from the Confessions Tour on these CBS stations - it's too damned hot and controversial for network television!"

I'm also seriously considering having a T-Shirt made, with a picture of Esther Madge on the cross, and underneath it have WWMD printed on the shirt.

Yes, I'm sorry to say, I find this controversy that ridiculous.

Quite frankly, I find people making a controversy over Madonna while ignoring what Bush has done to be ridiculous.

Worry more about what your government does than what some entertainer does.

And, lastly? That video footage playing while she sings "Sorry", with Bush, Cheney, Blair, bin Laden and Hitler (among others)? Thank you for telling it how it is, Madge... Same shit, different asshole.

Because, quite honestly: It doesn't matter who is doing the killing, or who is being killed. Killing is wrong. Bush starting a war that kills 100,000 Iraqis and 2,000+ of our own troops isn't somehow magically okay because it's the "good ol' US of A". He's just as guilty of murder as everyone else shown in that video. And, until we - as the HUMAN race - decide to quit killing ourselves, nothing will ever get better in this world.

Labels: Bushwhacking, I'll Give You A Cross, Madge Worship, Presstitutes, Religious Right Ain't Right

Phenomenon Of The Year: The comeback of, well, ME - who proved there is life after American Life

Honorable mention: Howard Stern putting the nail in the coffin of terrestrial radio. BABA BOOEY!

Biggest Debacle Of The Year: FEMA's handling of Katrina. Does the government even give a shit anymore unless it involves corporations or war?

Dishonorable Mentions: George W. Bush, the continuing mass murder in Iraq, Terrell Owens, Debbie "Do as I say, not as I do" Gibson, Congress being more obsessed with investigating sports than investigating real shit, the FCC

Most Amusing News Story Of The Year: Pat O'Brien, whose drug abuse and sexual harassment inspired the most amusing blog of the year, I'm Stuck In Rehab With Pat O'Brien.

Honorable mention: The video game playing granny who cusses up a storm.

Craziest thing I did in ***5: Dragging myself to Los Angeles to finally attend a taping of The Price Is Right, after a 26 year wait

Honorable mentions: Dying my hair BLONDE (it's naturally dark blonde/light brown), turning 30, trying to quit smoking (which at the rate it took the other Madonna to do so, I should be successful in 2011)

Artist Of The Year: Ummm.. This is a tough one. Been around for 22 years, causes controversy, into Kabbalah... Oh, yeah... Madonna!

Honorable Mentions: The Rolling Stones (still kick ass live), Paul McCartney (kick-ass performance at the Super Bowl halftime show)

Worst Artist Of The Year (TIE): Jessica Simpson. You will pay for desecrating "These Boots Are Made For Walkin'"! And Big & Rich? You will pay for desecrating "Like A Virgin"!

Dishonorable Mentions: Shania Twain, Eminem, Christina Aguilera, Gwen "Sellout" Stefani, Lindsey Lohan, Mariah Carey, Kelly Osbourne, Britney Spears, all boy bands and/or any solo acts from any of their members, and nearly all of today's rock and alternative bands that sound the same - even sounding like the have the same lead singer

Song Of The Year: Every little thing that she says or does... I'm "Hung Up", I'm "Hung Up" on Madge

Honorable mentions: Ummm.. The rest of Confessions On A Dance Floor

Worst Song Of The Year (TIE): "These Boots Are Made For Walkin'" by Jessica Simpson, "Like A Virgin" by Big & Rich

Dishonorable mentions: Chances are if it's mainstream and on the charts, it STILL sucks.

Album Of The Year: Confessions On A Dance Floor by Madonna

Honorable Mention: Surely you jest...

Worst Album Of The Year: This is a tough one, with so many clunkers to choose from.. I'll have to go with The Emancipation Of Mimi by Mariah Carey, just because I've been sick of Mariah's overrated music, overgrown ego and her hype for a long time.

Dishonorable mention: 95% of the albums released this year..

TV Series Of The Year: The Price Is Right. Just two months ago, I was ready to hand this to South Park again - especially after the Katrina episode. That changed, however - not because South Park's price was wrong, it just wasn't the closest without going over.

Honorable Mentions: South Park, Jeopardy!

Worst Series Of The Year: Reality TV. Take your pick. Chaotic, Survivor, Fear Factor, The Swan, Amazing Race, American Idol, The Apprentice, the list goes on and on and on... And stop me if you've heard this before - like last year! (Sorry, reality shows will get this every year until they cease to exist)

Dishonorable Mention: Just about anything else on network television...

Game Show Host Of The Year: You have to ask?

Honorable mention: Alex Trebek, who surprised me by doing a fine job with the Ultimate Tournament Of Champions

Worst Game Show Host Of The Year: Ryan Seacrest - if you can call American Idol a game show. Regardless, Seacrest sucks. Seacrest out? Yeah, get out already!

Game Show Moment Of The Year: May 23-25 - the Finals of Jeopardy!'s Ultimate Tournament Of Champions

Game Show Moment Of The YEARS: 34 years later, Bob Barker is like a Timex - he just keeps on ticking...

Best Moment Of The Year: November 16, ***5. THE PRICE IS RIGHT, BITCH!

Honorable mention: May 27 - the big 3-0

Worst Moment Of The Year: August 29, ***5 - when my father was told he has Alzheimer's.

Drunkest I Got In ***5: Hasn't happened... yet. That'll be in about 72 hours.

Favorite Thing To Collect In ***5: My nice, new collection of Madonna T-Shirts and posters, not to mention added a few more pairs to the boot collection

Renewed Passion Of ***5: Last year, of course, it was Madonna - whom I hadn't been a huge fan of since 1988 until last summer.

This year? It is, of course, The Price Is Right.

I had lost interest in recent years, with the game being rushed and too many clueless contestants. But that all changed after finally attending a taping in person.

The price once again is right, bitch!

Phrase Of The Year: For the first time in three years, there is a new saying of the year... "THE PRICE IS RIGHT, BITCH!"

Honorable Mentions: "Oh my god! They killed Kenny!", "Are you fucking ready, London!", "Baba Booey", "YOU'RE WINNER!"

Friends I'm Grateful For In ***5: Ann, Alane, Robert, Eric and his family, Ginger, Sydney, Mike F., Ed, Libby, Rob, Chris, Daria, Krissie, Jenn, Esther (when are we going to find your man?), Mike M., Michelle, Sufwatt, Mike (AKA KS), Gary, Candice, Susan, and Stefanie.

People I Need To Get To Know Better In 2006: KS, my father (whom I've never known as well as I should)

Hopes For 2006: World peace (just like every year), corporations that quit fucking over people for bigger profits, a music industry that quits fucking artists and fans and ruining music, a real head coach for the Rams, a World Series for the Cubs

Phrases I'd Like To Never Hear In 2006:

2005 (which you will never again see me type. EVER!)
Terrell Owens
Paris Hilton
President Bush
Rams coach Mike Martz
FEMA
FCC
Preemptive Strike
Stay the course
War On Terror
Fontana, California
Britney Spears
Jessica and Nick (or either one of them seperately)
Governor Schwarzenegger
All-time home run leader Barry Bonds
Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots
The return on Ron Artest
Michael jordon
And now, here's the star of The Price Is Right, (someone not named Bob Barker)!

Gone But Not Forgotten In ***5: Doris Bertsch, James Doohan, Pat Morita, Eddie Guerrero, Terri Schiavo, Rosa Parks, Ralph Edwards, Paul Hester, Debralee Scott, Luther Vandross, Vincent Schiavelli, Rod Price, Richard Pryor, Peter Jennings, Hunter S. Thompson, Bob Denver, John Vernon, Frank Gorshin, Brock Peters, Johnny Carson, Shirley Chisholm, George Mikan, Nipsey Russell, John Delorean, James Stockdale, Don Adams, Paul Winchell, Chris Schenkel, Barbara Bel Geddes, Hank Stram, Ossie Davis, Wellington Mara, Eugene McCarthy, William Proxmire, Robert Wise, Eddie Albert, Max Schmeling, Ted "Double Day" Ratcliffe (at 103!), Charles Rocket, John Fiedler, Al Lopez, Gene Mauch, Sam Mills, Vic Power, Mickey Owen, Reggie Roby

Labels: BALCO Barry, Boot Worship, Bushwhacking, Gone But Not Forgotten, Katrina, Madge Collecting, Madge Worship, Meathead Martz, Sinead O'Britney, That's What Friends Are For, The Stormin' Mormon, Year In Review

Anyone who knows me knows my rather harsh and unpopular opinions on the mainstream "corporate" press here in the United States, where it seems more and more that we're either being fed lies and omitions to push an "agenda" (war, pro-corporation, anti-Middle East, etc.), or being fed a steady diet of bullshit stories (Bennifer, TomKat, Brad and Jen, Britney Spears does this/that, etc.) to distract us from what REALLY matters - like a war based upon lies, and corporations given carte blance to loot the people and this planet so the fat cats at the top can make even more money.

I've distrusted the American media for the better part of fifteen years now, since being subjected to the blatant lies from the likes of CNN during the first war with Iraq. You know, where we'd get five seconds of footage from a protest, dismissed with a somewhat sarcastic "Yeah, we got people going crazy in the street" - try about 20,000 of them. Then, they'd switch to footage in a mall, and give us several minutes of people waving conveniently provided American flags at the camera. "See? America supports the war!".

That distrust grew in recent years, thanks to the tabloid-style coverage of Chandra Levy's disappearance (Yeah, so a woman is missing? SO WHAT! Drool, everyone - she fucked a Congressman! That's MORE important than her life!), and the completely slanted agenda given to us on 9/11 (where they used OLD footage of a celebration in Palestine, then claimed it was live footage of Palestinians celebriting the attacks. Or, where in the course of three hours they went from "America under attack" to "America's new war", wasting no time to start blaming people even though they didn't know shit at the time!). Multiply that by about 10,000 with the way the majority of the corporate press immediately bought the Bushies' lies about Iraq and Saddam Hussein in ***2.

Honestly, I have paid almost NO attention to the corporate mainstream press in nearly four years, with the exception of catching a major breaking story (like the Columbia disaster a couple years ago). Nor do I intend to anytime soon. I'm allergic to propaganda.

That being said, not everyone who works for a major news agency or is a reporter or anchor with a major network is dishonest and manipulative. However, they are growing fewer and further in between in recent years.

Sadly, yesterday, that list grew even shorter.

Just four months after telling the world he had lung cancer, and barely a week after his 67th birthday, Peter Jennings lost his battle with cancer.

I've always had a great deal of respect for Jennings, even as my overall distrust with the media grew. While I can't say I agree with everything he's ever done or asked during an interview, he is one of the few anchors on television who couldn't get rid of the mentality that he was a REPORTER, and not an entertainer.

He would make the effort to try to get all the facts he could before going on the air, and try to present the whole story, instead of slanting it as so many of the pressitutes today do.

While this mentality existed with any story he covered, we saw it at its best over the last twenty years, when reporting on events in the Middle East. Peter, of course, spent nearly a decade heading a reporting bureau for ABC there, and not only was capable of offering a perspective the rest of the corporate press couldn't, but refused to.

The finest example of this may be during 9/11, when Jennings came right out on the air, not only stating that the views of the "terrorists" do not reflect the views of most of the people in the Middle East, but even offered the insight that our actions there throughout the years have provoked some people there into hating us. He may be to this day the only reporter or anchor with a major network to come right out and state that the "hatred" of America isn't because of our "freedom" and "wealth" and "way of life", but because of our ACTIONS in their land.

And then, of course, there is the praise for Peter's coverage on 9/11, and as far as I'm concerned, he earned every bit of it. Where every other network seemed more interested in scaring and traumitizing people even MORE, or beating the war drums, Peter's presense was calming, comforting, and he focused more on trying to paint a picture of what had happened and what may happen, instead of sensationalizing and pitching an agenda.

In a sense, Peter Jennings was the closest thing we've had since maybe Walter Kronkite of a genuine reporter on network news, a person more interested in truth and accuracy than ratings. A person who struck a chord with viewers - not only because of his honesty, but his style and demeanor. In an day and age where anchors and reporters try to use the stories to make themselves stars and promote their "personalities", Peter seemed more interested in letting the stories be the news, and simply being more of a narrator.

Jennings also deserves credit for being one of the first major news "personalities" (maybe the first) to reach out to the Internet in the mid 1990's. Where many reporters seemed to view Internet users as cracks or predators and went out of their way to portray the Internet as rampant pornography and a danger to children, Jennings saw it as a new media outlet, and treated it as such.

The man had a remarkable forty year career. Why? Because he was unremarkable. He didn't feel the need to make himself part of the story. He wasn't in-your-face like so many of the "new media's" reporters and pundits. He did his job, and did it the best he could.

A great journalist has been silenced, and will be deeply missed. Rest in peace, Peter, and thank you for giving us one voice we could trust all these years.

Labels: Bushwhacking, Gone But Not Forgotten, Presstitutes, The Stormin' Mormon

This one may have slipped under many radars, since the mainstream corporate press - for the people, by corporations - decided not to waste much time covering this one... But our lovely, "Consistutional" and "American" Supreme Court struck again last month with yet another "fuck the people, give it all the corporations!" ruling.

The "eminent domain" laws have existed for some time, even before June. It's purpose was to allow the government to take private property for public use - schools, roads, bridges, things like that. I first became aware of the laws shortly after the closure and sale of Norton Air Force Base in the early 90's - eminent domain gave the government the right to retake the grounds the base is on if they needed it. And, anyone (business or homeowner) who had their land taken by these laws would receive "just" compensation.

Quite frankly, I didn't think too much of the existing laws. However, our Supreme Crook - err, excuse me, Court, decided the laws needed to be "expanded".

Late last month, in a 5-4 vote, the Supreme Court extended eminent domain to corporations. This means if our good friends at Wal-Mart decide they want to build a new greed factory - excuse me, I mean, store, where YOUR home or small business is, they can now have the government confiscate your property, give you "just" payment, and take over. This means if Target, Home Depot, or Bed, Bath & Beyond (three of the biggest companies behind the push for these new laws) decide your neighbor is a good place for a new retail store, you can all kiss your neighborhood goodbye! Your home means far, FAR less than Capitalism Uber Alles.

(Incidentally, Sandra Day O'Connor was VERY much opposed to this, voted against it, and lashed out about how it's screwing people in the name of corporations. She resigned from the Supreme Court shortly afterwards. Coincidence?)

Why am I posting this now? Because let's just eminent domain is coming soon to a neighboorhood near you - or shall I say, near ME.

I found out from the manager yesterday morning that a number of buildings that are nearly a century old - including a church - are about to be confiscated and torn to the ground so some multi-zillion dollar corporation can build condominiums in their place. Keep in mind, for starters, this street was designed several decades ago, and BARELY is wide enough for one car in each lane, so welcome to a traffic and parking nightmare (as if parking wasn't bad enough already).

The talk is that this project will take up two to two and a half blocks (likely to include some sort of parking lot or perhaps structure), because supposedly it will stretch from the church to perhaps the family planning clinic a few blocks south of here (though, I wouldn't be surprised to see THAT go too, for political reasons).

That is a few small businesses and a church about to be annihilated in the name of profits and capitalism. Now, while I am not a religious person, and have very serious issues with a great deal of organized religion, that is just plain wrong. The church looks like it was built shortly after 1900, is a charming little structure, and it's a small, community church. Whenever I have walked by it, the people have been respectful and courteous - saying hi, asking how I'm doing, but not pushing me. You can bet your ass that if there is a protest outside that church in the near future, I'll protest alongside them. While I don't attend their church (and won't), it doesn't change the fact this is WRONG!

Furthermore, there will be the demolition of the existing buildings, and construction of the new condos. Keep in mind, this is literally right across the street, right outside my window. It's a good thing I will be moving in the next 2-3 months, because I sure as hell didn't plan to move into a construction zone (among other things!) when I signed a lease here.

There is also a mechanic who has had a shop here for many years. That, too, will be gone. A man's business and livelihood is about to be yanked out from under him. Do I think for a second he will receive enough "just" compensation to start up at another location? I doubt it...

However, it gets worse - if that's possible.

Either Rite-Aid or Sav-On, a drugstore/pharmacy chain (Susan wasn't sure which chain), is getting in on the act, too. They want to build a new store in the area, and developers want to build a stripmall (which the Sav-On would go in). The proposed project would take up over a block, and just happens to include lots where several homes - homes that have stood for at least seventy years - happen to sit.

You guessed it, a number of people are about to lose their homes so they can build a new pharmacy, so a chain can make even MORE money, and some greedy developers can build a multi-million dollar stripmall. We are talking about homes that in some cases have been in the family since they were first built. Not for much longer, though - the corporations deserve that land far more than homeowers!

Thanks a fucking lot, Supreme Court. How much more obvious do you want to make it that there is a flat-out class war in this country, where the corporations and the rich can do whatever they want, have whatever they want, and the people no longer have any rights?

And people wonder why I am getting pissed off with this country. Well, how much of "I pledge allegiance to Wal-Mart", "Nike is more important than human rights" and "We must sacrifice to the corporations" is a sane person expected to take? I mean, talk about "with liberty and justice for all... who can afford it!". People getting evicted so the rich can get richer? What the fuck is wrong with that picture?!

This sure as hell isn't the America I was raised to believe in... But, this is what happens when a horde of corporate whores like Ronald Reagan, George Bush (both of them), Bill Clinton (yes, THE DEMOCRATS ARE JUST AS GUILTY!), Newt Gingrich, Dick Cheney, Al Gore, Gary Condit, etc. etc. etc. perform a success hostile takeover of America. At some point, this nation ceased to be the United States Of America. You can now call it the United Corporate State Of America, or America, Inc., or whatever other name suits you.

And the politicians? Why even lie anymore? Why bother with the charade of being a two-party system. We are a one-party state - the Corporate Party. Whether it's eminent domain, or Bush's war for profits (the so-called "war on terror"), or Clinton and Gore supporting NAFTA, GATT, the WTO and MAI, the ugly reality is the crooks and traitors in charge - both "Democrat" and Republican - have sold out America to the highest bidder. After all, in their one corporation, under God bastardization of America, the corporations have more money, therefore more rights.

Needless to say, I'm planning on getting out of here as soon as fucking possible. I can see the writing on the wall. Downtown Riverside (the old part of town) is about th be razed in the name of corporate profits. The day is coming when the building I am will be seized as well, and everyone in here thrown out so some multinational corporation or sleazy developers can acquire more money, even though they already have more than they will ever need.

The reality is setting in - this will happen all over. Ghettos, or even older, historic parts of cities are going to be destroyed for shiny new buildings. Then what about the rest of us, the people? Where will we go if we can't afford some insane price for an apartment? Starve on the streets? Get locked up in prison?

"We interupt this program with a special bulletin! America is now under corporate martial law. All constitutional rights have been suspended! Stay in your homes (until you lose them!)!" - Jello Biafra, "Message From Our Sponsors" (though, I added corporate to martial law).

How would these corporate ass-clowns like it if people tried to seize their homes? A developer has already tried to seize the home of "Justice" David H. Souter to build a hotel to send a message. Maybe someone should try to claim the land of all five justices who supported this? Maybe someone should propose a City Slickers style fantasy ranch, attempting to seize George W. Bush's Crawford ranch for the site? Maybe if these criminals had to worry about losing THEIR home, they might feel differently about this.

It's about time these assholes either get dragged into the real world with the rest of us - the ones who struggle to make ends meet, or just thrown into prison, where they ALL belong.

Labels: Bushwhacking, Corporate Assholes, Religious Right Ain't Right

The lone highlight of tonight's Super Bore: The halftime show. 62 year old Paul McCartney left no doubt he can still rock, and and is as awesome as ever. He performed "Drive My Car", "Get Back", "Live And Let Die" and "Hey Jude". My only regret was hearing the three Beatles songs, and wishing John Lennon and George Harrison were still around.

I hadn't intended to watch a second of this crap, but Eric came over. I threw together some food, and watched the game. Where in years past, I would enjoy the game and hate the halftime show, this was the opposite. The game was a total bore, but I loved the halftime show...

UPDATE: ESPN is once again showing their asses, calling the Patsies the "greatest team ever". This, of course, is ludicrous. How the Patsies are now superior to the 90's Cowboys, the 70's Steelers, the 60's Packers or even (and it kills me to admit this) the 80's 49ers is beyond me. It's just more of the same old "Everything from today must be the best ever!" bullshit that has taken over the sports media in recent years.

I'm going to say something I rarely say, because it is nasty and mean-spirited, but I can't help myself. Will the so-called "journalists" with ESPN please put down their fucking crackpipes already?


Daunte Culpepper has shown that Randy Moss isn't the only Viking without class. During this week's FedEx NFL awards ceremony, Culpepper pulled off a flip-flop that would make John Kerry proud.

Jerry Townsend, a high school player was paralyzed from the neck down during a game in October, asked Culpepper "Hey, Daunte, can I get some of that ice?", referring to Culpepper's necklaces, valued at about $75,000. Culpepper stepped down, took them off, and put them around Townsend's neck.

Touching story, right? Not exactly...

After the ceremonies ended, Culpepper talked to the press, while keeping an eye on Townsend and his family. Why? Because Culpepper wanted to reclaim his necklaces, and "get his address" so he can "send him something else".

Real classy, Daunte. They called that "Indian giving" when I was growing up...

Obviously, Culpepper liked his necklaces. However, we are talking about a player who signed a contract worth over $100,000,000 a couple years ago. $75,000 worth of necklaces? Think it'd be that hard for him to replace them?

If Culpepper had no intention to give them to Jerry Townsend, then don't act like it in the first place. Offer to get him something else in the first place. But hasn't the kid gone through enough? Why toy with his mind and emotions like that?

Needless to say, I've lost all respect for Daunte Culpepper. I hope I'm not the only one.


The RIAA has made asses out of themselves again (and not, this is not the big rant in question). The RIAA filed a lawsuit against Gertrude Walton for allegedly making hundreds of MP3's available to download under the name "smittenedkitten".

There's just three little problems: Gertrude is 83, she does not own a computer, and she died in December.

Gertrude's daughter, Robin Chianumba, had tried to notify the RIAA several days before the suit was filed by faxing a copy of her death certificate. Yet, the RIAA went ahead and filed the lawsuit anyway.

A spokesman said on Thursday that Wilson is "likely not the smittenedkitten we're looking for" - gee, you think so?, and said they will now dismiss the lawsuit.

Too little, too late. Not only have you made it clear that you do not have the facts straight in your bullying witch hunt, but I'm sure Gertrude's daughter really wanted to deal with this, a month after burying her mother.

Up your ass, RIAA.


And finally, the last piece for this post: Steroidgate is back in the news.

The NY Daily News has published some details of Jose Canseco's upcoming book, which is still in the editing stage and will be released by HarperCollins on the 21st.

His book, titled "Juiced: Wild Times, Rampant 'Roids, Smash Hits and How Baseball Got Big", allegedly includes details of players that Canseco introduced steroids to, and how tinkered around with so many chemicals and drugs to enhance performance that he was known as "The Chemist".

Among some of the players Canseco helped juice up were Ivan Rodriguez, Rafael Palmeiro, Juan Gonzalez, and... Mark McGwire. According to the book, Canseco injected steroids into McGwire, and witnessed McGwire and former teammate Jason Giambi injecting each other.

Canseco also stated that then-Texas Rangers' owner George W. Bush "had to have been aware" of the rampant steroid use on the Rangers when he owned the club in the 90's.

So far, the only two comments in the press have been McGwire and former manager Tony La Russa. McGwire denies the allegations, and La Russa stated that Canseco was open about his steroid use in the Oakland A's clubhouse, saying things like "Come on, man, what are you talking about? I got the world by the tail."

One thing that is unquestionable is that everyone listed (at least in this article) did see their power numbers increase dramatically during the early/mid 90's, so Canseco's allegations aren't that outrageous.

A few years ago, while researching Barry Bonds' size and power increase in the late 90's/early part of this decade, I became convinced that McGwire had also used steroids to boost his power numbers. McGwire went from 6'5", 200 as a rookie to 250 by the mid 90's. Furthermore, there were other signs, such as the changes to his face/skin, and the series of leg injuries he suffered in the latter part of his career (very common in steroid users).

Furthermore, there was the Androstenedione scandal in 1998, as McGwire was breaking Roger Maris' single season home run record. While many people had assumed that was the only thing McGwire had used, I almost wonder if it was a smoke-screen - that when McGwire was caught with the Andros, he was almost relieved because everyone would be focusing on the Andros, assuming that is what he was using, and keep the focus away from anabolic steroids.

There has been mounting evidence over the years that McGwire had also cheated his way into history, just as Bonds is doing now. The sad thing is, up until all my research, I was huge McGwire fan. Not anymore...

I will be checking out a copy of Canseco's book when it comes out. Even though he too is an asshole and a cheater, he openly admitted to his own steroid use a few years ago, and was coming out saying baseball had a problem before the media admitted it, before baseball itself admitted it, and before the whole BALCO scandal erupted.


Still working on the big rant. Should be up soon. I also may be posting a special "guest" rant on the same topic, depending on whether my friend types up one and how he would feel about it being "syndicated" over here.

Labels: A world gone mad, Bushwhacking, Cheaters, Corporate Assholes, Sports

The following post is intended to express my views on the last year, and was not achieved by "scientific" means or polling in any manner.

Phenomenon Of The Year: Who else, but Ken Jennings? 74 wins, $2,522,700 in winnings, and made one show on network TV "Must See TV" for me for the first time in years. And it's not over yet - Ken's coming back for an encore in May!

Biggest Debacle Of The Year: The re-selection of Bush, thanks to more dirty tricks in Ohio and Florida.

Honorable Mentions: John Kerry, the continued genocide in Iraq, Paris Hilton

Most Amusing News Story Of The Year: What else, but the one that inspired this blog - a certain Material Girl in her mid 40's deciding to reinvent herself as Esther.


Biggest Sports Story Of The Year (negative): BALCO. The mask has come off once again, and revealed that many of the big names in baseball have cheated their way to MVP statistics. The low point being Barry Bonds - a man flirting with history, and now there is no longer any doubt that he has cheated his way to this point, and is on the verge of tainting one of the biggest records in sports history.

Dishonorable Mention: The Malace At The Palace.

Biggest Sports Story Of The Year (positive): The Boston Red Sox, ending 86 years of heartbreak, of near-misses, and of frustration after capturing their first World Series since 1918.

Now, the Cubs need to join them...

Honorable Mention: Phil Mickelson wins the Masters, ending his 0-for-42 streak in the majors. Only three other players had won the Masters by making a birdie on the 72nd hole.

Sportsman Of The Year (negative): The Thug. Whether it's Rangers pitcher Frank Francisco throwing a chair into the crowd, or the disgusting melee in Detroit where the Indiana Pacers decided to use the fans as punching bags, violence in sports between players and fans reached a new low this year.

(Idea inspired by my friend Mike, who had emailed SI and suggested they name The Thug their Sportsman Of The Year.)

Dishonorable Mentions: Barry Bonds, Gary Sheffield, Jason Giambi, Terrell Owens, Ron Artest, Stephen Jackson, Jermaine O'Neal, Kobe Bryant

Sportsman Of The Year (positive): Brett Favre. Whether it's passing 200 straight games, or once again flirting with 4,000 yards and 30 TD's, or performing despite adversity in his family, or his toughness on the field and class off the field, Favre represents everything that SHOULD be celebrated in sports.

Honorable Mentions: Mickelson, Lance Armstrong, Peyton Manning

Coach Of The Year: Terry Francona. For having enough courage to let the Red Sox be the characters that they are, for doing all the right things with Boston down 0-3 to the Yankees, and for leading the Red Sox to their first championship since World War I.

Honorable Mention: John Fox, for taking the injury-riddled 1-6 Carolina Panthers and leading them to a 7-8 record that can still make the playoffs.

Worst Coach Of The Year: Mike "Meathead" Martz. Whether it's his lying, his scapegoating (Sean Landetta, Chris Chandler, Kurt Warner), his poor coaching or his inability to prepare the team mentally and emotionally, there's no end of the list of reasons why Fartz deserves this "honor". In five years, Fartz took a team that looked like it could become a dynasty and turned them into the laughing stock of the NFL.

Dishonorable Mentions: Jim Tracy, Mike Sherman, Brian Billick, Mike Holmgren


TV Series Of The Year: South Park. In it's eighth season, it's as sharp, witty and controversial as ever, willing to take on everything from the election to Paris Hilton to the Super Bowl halftime fiasco.

Honorable Mention: The Ken Jennings Show, AKA Jeopardy!

Worst Series Of The Year: Reality TV. Take your pick. Survivor, Fear Factor, The Swan, Amazing Race, The Apprentice, the list goes on and on and on...

Dishonorable Mention: The OC (rich, spoiled preppies who fuck up their lives got old with 90210.), just about anything else on network television...


Artist Of The Year: Sherrie Austin. Still the only artist whose career began after 1990 that I still follow... Perhaps because she hasn't sold herself and her fans out?

Honorable Mentions: Madonna, Van Halen (welcome back, Sammy!)

Worst Artist Of The Year: Britney Spears. Not only does her music make my ears bleed, but I'm tired of seeing the woman and tired of the media going gaga over her. People think my antics were bad?

Dishonorable Mentions: Shania Twain, Eminem, Christina Aguilera, Gwen "Sellout" Stefani, Lindsey Lohan, Kelly Osbourne, Jessica Simpson, all boy bands and/or any solo acts from any of their members, and in general just too fucking many to mention.

Song Of The Year (semi-current): "Streets Of Heaven" by Sherrie Austin

Worst Song Of The Year: Chances are if it's mainstream and on the charts, it sucks.

Album Of The Year (semi-current): Streets Of Heaven. While not her finest work, still a very good album, and definitely better than anything that came out in 2004.

Honorable Mention: None. While I'd like to say American Life, I have to admit it's not my finest work.

Worst Album Of The Year: Too many to choose, but I guess I have to go with Britney's GRATEst Hits.


Best Moment Of The Year: MOVING on September 20th.

Worst Moments Of The Year: January 1-September 19.

Drunkest I Got In 2004: November 18th. Just a bit too much to drink that day...

Favorite Thing To Collect In 2004: My nice, new collection of Madonna T-Shirts. I needed to expand my wardrobe, after all...

(Re)newed Passion Of 2004: Madonna. While still sitting #3 on the big list (behind Sherrie and The Beatles), my "reinvention" had lead me to being into Madonna more than I'd been since the late 1980's.

Though, I'll still take Madonna of 1983-1987 over any other period of her career...

Phrase Of The Year: Oh my God! They killed Kenny! (second straight year)

Honorable Mention: What's a hoe?

Friends I'm Grateful For In 2004: Ann, Alane, Robert, Eric and his family, Mike M., Sydney, Mike F., Matt, Libby, Shitpumpkinhead, Rob, Chris, Daria, Krissie, Jenn (congratulations again!), Ginger, Michelle, Sufwatt, Gary, Candice, Susan, and Stefanie.

People I Need To Get To Know Better In 2005: Esther (I love your writing!) and Butch (you're crazy - in a good way!)

Hopes For 2005: World peace (just like every year), corporations that quit fucking over people for bigger profits, a music industry that quits fucking artists and fans and ruining music, a real head coach for the Rams, a World Series for the Cubs

Phrases I'd Like To Never Hear In 2005:

Paris Hilton
President Bush
Rams coach Mike Martz
Yankees pitcher Randy Johnson
Wardrobe Malfunction
Preemptive Strike
War On Terror
Fontana, California
Britney Spears
Jessica and Nick (or either one of them seperately)
John Kerry
Governor Schwarzenegger
All-time home run leader Barry Bonds
Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots
The return on Ron Artest
Michael jordon

Gone But Not Forgotten In 2004: Christopher Reeve, Reggie White, Tug McGraw, Pat Tillman, Mattie Stepanek, Laura Branigan, Gene Wood, Ken Caminiti, Rick James, Johnny Ramone, Paul "Captain Terrell" Winfield, J.J. Jackson, Bob "Captain Kangaroo" Keeshan, Rodney Dangerfield, Tony Randall, Isabel "Weezie" Sanford, Ray Charles, Ronald Reagan, Elroy "Crazy Legs" Hirsch, Art James, Nick and Mary Yankovic, Ralph Wiley, Bob Murphy

Labels: Bushwhacking, Gone But Not Forgotten, Madge Worship, Meathead Martz, Mi Vida Loca, Sinead O'Britney, Sports, Stone Cold Sherrie Austin, Terrible Owens, The Stormin' Mormon, Year In Review

I am going to touch on last week's election for what I hope is the last time for awhile. I have some things I need to be said and shared, not only about what life has been like the last four years, but the fears I have for the next four. Perhaps doing so might clear up why I am so upset, so disgusted and so scared. I have growing reason to believe some of the readers out there either don't understand my feelings, or my reaction to them. And, rest assured, I have more than enough to make myself sick over for the next four years without more misunderstandings.

This isn't so much about politics, but society. A society that has taken a turn for the worse in the last four years, and there's no signs of improvement in sight.

The following are excerpts of editorials from Jeff Rense's website.

http://www.rense.com/general59/godse.htm

What you are about to read is an actual email Jeff Rense received...

Mr. Rense,

Hello! I believe what we have here as far as the 2004 elections is a close tie between the devil and God. Not Kerry and Bush. And God prevailed obviously and placed the most morale person in office during the "end times".

Abortion and Christanity are reasons for my voting for Bush along with the gay marriage ban! I have been rejoicing since Bush's (the good Lord aboves Win!) victory. He is a family and moral man and believes in the sanctity of marriage, honesty, anti-choice/pro life. He is going back to the beliefs of our founding fathers of the U.S.A.

Of course since God is with Bush the world hates him because they don't want to turn to the bible and away from their vile-sinful lifestyles that are abominable to God. Jesus was hated by the world too. Doesn't it make since when you are born again TRULY through the blood of Christ the world would hate you too? Well, that is Bush. Wake-up. Bush sincerely cares about this nation because he has the love of God living within him. So, it is ones choice to accept Christ or not. If not they send themselves to hell by living in opposition to Gods rule. Don't blame him.

God Bless,
(Name removed)


http://www.rense.com/general59/dfkig.htm

How clever it all was.

And what a joke. Kerry's tent-folding, whimped-out, contrived 'unity' concession speech revealed the final page of the whole story: the entire campaign, especially after the elimination of front-runner Gov Howard Dean, was all a set-up...a tawdry, clever, masterfully executed circus of deception, manipulation and deceit. Kerry ran off so fast November 3, all you could see were elbows and dust...and the back of his Skull and Bones t-shirt. Can America spell 'betrayed'?

The election wasn't 'stolen' - the vote totals were simply and easily manipulated to ensure the Bushmen got the numbers needed to score the 'official' win.

The whole 'campaign' was designed, brilliantly, to rouse, excite and rile-up the still mentally-functional, caring, legitimately moral portion of society into actually thinking their votes counted... and that they could 'throw the criminals out' at the polls. There was never a chance of that happening.

The result - equally as planned - was to polarize, fracture and split Americans into two diametrically opposed camps...which was deftly accomplished. There will be no reconciliation. Divide and Conquer.

*snip*

In short: dissention, depression, dismay and mass *disengagement* from a bogus, hoaxed political process by millions of frustrated, betrayed Americans are primary fruits of the well-planned harvest of the 2004 fake US 'election'.

There will be no reconciliation. There will be no 'healing.' Divide and Conquer.'


http://www.rense.com/general59/wheredowegofromhere.htm

We are constantly being fed an elaborate drama that clouds our minds, wastes our time, saps our energy, diminishes our spirit and depletes our resources. Our minds were so clouded by this drama that, even though we are in the midst of a war, our anti-war movement put itself on hold to campaign for a pro-war candidate. And we are upset because he 'lost.' With all the indications that this election was stolen, Kerry, like Gore before him, didn't fight against the theft of his own election by galvanizing the citizenry in protest. You have to question any political campaign that does not want its people to become a movement.

The main reason that the Howard Dean campaign was a threat to the rulers was the fact that it he was leading a growing movement. Most of us didn't expect the kind of campaign that Howard Dean and his campaign manager Joe Trippi ended up putting together. While they were building a grass roots movement in the community of cyberspace, they were also showing that democracy was still possible in a winning campaign. What Howard Dean was revealing was that he had started a movement that was in the process of turning the Democratic Party into a truly democratic party.

It didn't just implode.

The rulers decided that Howard Dean must be stopped. And before Dean could realize what was happening, he had become the simultaneous target of the RNC, the DNC, Roger Stones Al Sharpton, John Kerry, and the entire media establishment. He was history. To the rulers, stopping Howard Dean was the real victory of 2004.

The script called for John Kerry to start out as an apparent loser, who miraculously became the overwhelming choice to be the Democratic candidate only to morph back to being the loser we all felt that he was initially. John Kerry was billed as a 'closer' - and that's what he ending up to doing to our dream.


It's not so much that I'm upset over Kerry losing as I am Bush winning (and more on that shortly, because that IS the main point of this post). Kerry is a loser - a gutless, cowardly, sneaky, dishonest, manipulative, con-artist. A man who jerked America along for an entire year - refusing to give an opinion about anything, flip-flopping all over the political spectrum, and in the end flipping the people who went out and voted for him the bird by conceding and running with his tail between his legs. What he did wasn't conceding his own election, but conceding his own supporters.

The party, the voters and this nation would've truly been better off had Howard Dean been given the party's nomination. However, that didn't happen, and these pieces from Rense.com are right on as to why: Dean didn't play the game by THEIR rules, Dean wasn't a puppet, and Dean offered a legitimate opposition. He was willing to bring politics back to the people, he was willing to run a democracy and truly turn the Democratic party INTO a democratic party. Like Bill Clinton, a man capable of REACHING and reaching OUT to people, not just barking at them through the media.

Truth be told, any real hope of change in politics ended when Flip Flop Kerry took the nomination.

Socially, though, is another matter.

You'll see a theme in all three of the above excerpts: The fracturing of American society. This is something I've had to live with for four years, and I'm not the only one.

It's easy to assume this was born on September 11, but it wasn't. It began the first thing the dust settled from the 2000 election - perhaps even the 2000 campaign. Bush was "the moral leader, one who walked with God". The Democratic party was "nothing but a bunch of immoral whores (because of Clinton) and homosexuals". After eight years of seeing the tensions in society over homosexuality ease to a degree, they came back with a vengeance. After taking a few small, cautious steps forward, we quickly took several abrupt steps back. "Faggot", "queer", "dyke" and other slurs were being thrown around as bluntly as they had been in the 80's.

For a person living an "alternative lifestyle", it quickly took on the feeling of loaded guns in your face...

Then 9/11 hits, and it takes an even uglier turn for the worse. "You're either with us, or you're with the terrorists!". An extremist statement that spread beyond foreign relations - it hit home with a shocking amount of force.

Like so many other frustrated Americans, I too tried to give Bush the benefit of the doubt on 9/11. My mentality that day shifted to "I don't like you, and I didn't vote for you. But you are in charge, PLEASE for the sake of us - do the right thing!". And I kept this mentality for months, until "Iraq" found it's way into the news.

I won't go into that, though...

Basically, the moment I decided I was not pleased with how Bush was handling things and became outspoken with my views, the outright hate began. "You un-American traitor!" "You commie bitch!" "Love it or leave it!". Not just the words, but delivered with a nastiness and hatred that felt more like loaded rifles in my face. Expressing an opinion that didn't mesh with the government now made me (and anyone else with the same opinions) an "enemy". A "Saddam lover". A "terrorist". It didn't matter if it was just little old me, or entertainers with clout like Tim Robbins, Susan Sarandon, Sean Penn, Natalie Maines and Madonna Ciccone - speaking out and disagreeing with Bush now made you "un-American".

Nevermind the fact people sure didn't hesitate to lash out at Clinton for eight years. Or that Americans were lashing out at Lyndon Johnson and Richard Nixon during Vietnam. And while it's easy to assume "It's different, 9/11 changed everything!", no it didn't. Because there was a similiar amount of hate and ridicule whenever someone would speak out against Desert Storm under George H.W. Bush in 1991.

This whole campaign ratcheted up the hatred and nastiness to whole new levels. Kerry "will turn America into a nation of fags". "We'll become a country of pussies if Bush loses". And Bush and his handlers made it a point to drill into America's heads that liberalism = evil during this campaign by ridiculing liberals every chance they get, including ripping on "liberal" Kerry when he's anything BUT liberal.

Then toss in the article from Capital Hill Blue this spring, where a source said Bush would throw fits, labeling liberals and people who disagree with him as "enemies of the state"... Now we're not just talking rifles, but AK-47's.

This whole campaign seemed to fixate on religion and morality. If you vote for Bush, you're a good moral American who walks with God. If you do not, you're a heathen and a sinner. Look no further than "Name removed's" letter in this post. While not all Bush supporters feel that way, MANY do. And what's scary is more people feel that way here in 2004 than they did in 2000, or even ***1.

Obviously, part of the reason we had so many new voters in this election was the 11 states who had ballot initiatives to ban gay marriage. And, all 11 passed, as a louder and more outspoken group of Americans raised their voices against the gay community once again. Sadly, there has been too much of this for too long, but it's just gotten so much uglier the last four years.

The letter is showing a larger and louder group of Americans who view liberals, pacifists and homosexuals as "evil sinners" and "enemies" of Bush. That is something that I don't think many people can understand unless they're on the receiving end of that kind of hate. Because of who and what I am, and my beliefs, I get it two-fold.

Instead of a united nation - a truly "United States", we have become a shattered society and nation. The "evil" liberals vs. the "redneck" conservatives. The sinning "faggots" vs. the good moral Christians. The "pussy" pacifists vs. the "tough, truly American" war supporters.

It'd be just as wrong for me to go around, referring to Bush supporters as "rednecks", "warmongers" and "brown shirts" - the way they like referring to people on my side of the spectrum as "traitors" and "terrorists" and "sinners" and all the other nasty insults that have been hurled our way in recent years. And sometimes I get mad enough that I want to. But having been fucked with and kicked around and spit on the way I have, I don't wish to inflict that kind of grief upon someone else.

The last four years have been the most terrifying of my life. It's certainly a fear that has spread into paranoia. But I have woken up every day for the last four years feeling there are loaded guns in my face. I'm scared to death, I'm emotionally ripped to shreds, and I know the day is coming when one of is going to go off. The only question is who's going to take the shot, and when.

For anyone out there who has walked a mile in my 5" heeled boots, you understand how I've felt. The fear, the sadness, the paranoia. The disgust over being persecuted, the fear your lifestyle or views will result in serious harm or death. The paranoia of everyone. Dreading that you'll wake up alone because everyone in your life just walked away and decided you are welcome because of who or what you are.

For anyone who hasn't, I can't expect you to understand. I can only hope you try to have some compassion and consideration, and treat people like me the way you'd want to be treated, instead of feeling free to abuse us. The fear, the paranoia and the persecution aren't things I wish upon anyone.

People talk of world peace, of an end to violence and death. But how on earth are we going to achieve that if we can't quit hurting each other over political beliefs or lifestyles? How can we have a world without hate if Americans hate other Americans because they don't share opinions?

A nation that was supposedly founded with freedom of speech and expression being so important is turning into a nation of "my way or the highway".

I'm tired of fighting this war. I'm sick. I feel like I've aged 25 years in the last four. I'm tired of loaded guns in my face. I'm tired of wearing a target on my ass. I'm just plain tired. This isn't the kind of society I want to live in.

And I doubt I'm alone...

Labels: A world gone mad, Bushwhacking, Corporate Assholes, Mi Vida Loca

The following amusing photos were posted to William Tong's Boot Newt Sing Along blog. I decided to post them here for your amusement.

Labels: Bushwhacking, Parodies

A friend sent this to me tonight:

Labels: Bushwhacking, Religious Right Ain't Right

Go on. Close your eyes. Cover your ears. Tell yourself over and over "It can't happen here! This is America!".

It HAS happened here. Again.

I know. Nobody wants to hear another fucking word about "hanging chads", "recounts" or even think about 2000 and Cruella de Ville - excuse me, Katherine Harris - again. Not another questionable, controversial election.

Denying it, even wanting to avoid it, won't change a fucking thing: The Bushies have stolen another election.

The evidence has been building for over a year. Wally O'Dell (CEO of Diebold) promising to deliver Ohio's votes to Bush. Allegations of programming and security issues with the electronic voting machines (AKA black box voting). Florida trying to purge the voter rolls from black voters (AGAIN), Ohio Secretary of State Kenneth Blackwell trying to use every arcane law he can find to toss out new (primarily Democrat) voter registrations.

Yet, we went to the polls Tuesday. Those of us who could smell what was going on hoped against hope - that maybe if enough of us go out and vote "Fuck you Bush", that there'd be just too damned many votes to erase, too much they'd have to do.

Boy, were we wrong.

The same band of thugs who gave you Florida 2000 - which lead to four years of HELL, complete with erosion of the Constitution, open bigotry, environmental destruction and staged terror attacks - united with some new players to give us Ohio 2004. Same shit, different state, different year.

Electronic voting machines giving bullshit numbers - such as reporting more votes than there were registered voters (Gahanna, Ohio and and Palm Beach county, Florida).

Voter intimidation and harassment at the polls - with the primary targets once again being black voters.

Polling places that were in primarily black and/or lower class precincts were receiving fewer voting machines, obviously to try to frustrate voters away from the long wait to vote.

The election being placed into the hands of companies like Diebold and ESS - companies who raised large amounts of money for the Rethuglican party and had strong ties to Bush and Cheney.

The corporate media - nothing but a bunch of squawking parrots for the Bush administration who cram Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and the Olsen twins down our throats as distractions when they aren't feeding us lies about politics and world - wasted no time with the pro-Bush propaganda - "This isn't 200!" "The popular vote shows the people want Bush this time!" and wasted no time coming up with bullshit excuses like bloggers or people "lying" at the exit polls on Tuesday to explain why exit polls showed Kerry taking Florida and Ohio, yet lost both states.

This, of course, is no surprise, as the mass media has lied and spread more propaganda than Pravda could've EVER dreamed of since 9/11, using their power and influence to blindly whip the masses into an ugly frezy of blind nationalism and hate for all Arabs, brainwash the people into sacrificing their Constitutional rights to be "protected", and portrayed Bush as some tough-talking, compassionate leader when he's anything but. And, sure, people have bought it.

But not everyone. Too many people lost loved ones in the Middle East in Bush's war of lies. Too many lost their jobs thanks to Bush's destruction of the economy. Too many people were without health care.

There was overwhelming evidence leading into election day that Ohio would go to Kerry. Much like California in 1992 - which was badly hurt by the bumbling economic policy of Daddy Bush, and ended decades of going Republican by going to Clinton - Ohio was angry. Tired of the economic damage inflicted upon them by a new Bush, they wanted change. The exit polls - even as recent as late afternoon on Tuesday - showed Ohio turning on Bush and going with Kerry.

All sound familiar?

Instead, Bush takes Ohio, Bush takes the election, and we're headed for four more years of hell.

If you want to read some shit that'll turn you white, I would suggest reading What Really Happened's "Vote Fraud" section, which has had numerous articles added since Tuesday. The evidence is there, and growing by the hour.

We were hosed - AGAIN.

What doesn't help the matter is that fraud known as John F.(ucking) Kerry. The man who pulled the ULTIMATE flip flop before the dust even came close to settling on election day.

Kerry had assembled a massive legal team. Lawyers, investigators, you name it. They even had what they called "SWAT" teams in the contested states, ready to hit any polling place within an hour on a sign of trouble. The plans were in place - should he lose and there be any signs of foul play, lawsuits would be filed immediately on November 3. They were going to fight to make sure it was fair, they were "not going to repeat Al Gore's mistakes from 2000".

So what happens? Kerry CONCEDES! Even with his running mate John Edwards swearing they'd see to all the votes being counted, Kerry throws in the towel - not only on his election bid, but on America, and perhaps killing his party.

Leading up to the election, I had two nagging gut feelings eating at me. They were:

1. The election was rigged. It'd been rigged for months, if not years. And while we'll see some funny shit in Florida (AGAIN), something kept telling me to look out for Ohio.

It was so bad that I shared my feelings with a few friends, saying "We're probably fucked", and telling them it may make no difference if we went out and just wrote-in someone we liked: Nader, Jimmy Carter, ME, Brett Favre, Brian Urlacher, Steve Perry, Sherrie Austin, Dusty Baker, you name it...

2. On Tuesday, I was 99% sure Kerry NEVER wanted to win. He's an actor, and his role was to dupe us into thinking there was still a two-party system when it's truly a one-party state. Trade insults with Bush, talk the talk, but when it comes down to it, do NOT win because he (and maybe even his party!) wanted BUSH to win all along.

A great part of why I think this? The Democrats fucked over the best candidate they had - Howard Dean - and pushed Kerry to the forefront, claiming he was "more electable" when the truth is the only reason he had even this much support was because people hated Bush that much more.

They talked of attracting the young voters to the polls, yet gave us an annoying, boring stiff while burying Dean, his honesty and his charisma. Dean could've been to Dumbya as Clinton was to Daddy in 1992 - a charismatic and energetic breath of fresh air who could RELATE to people, instead of another rich thug who talks down on people.

After Kerry conceded so quickly? I'm now 150% sure Kerry never wanted to win. Anyone who wanted to win, anyone who gave a shit about America, would've fought. They would've sued Bush, Cheney, ESS, Diebold, Ashcroft, Daddy Bush, the secretaries of state of Florida and Ohio - ANYONE who was remotely linked. And they would've kept fighting until either they were out of options, or had results.

Do you think Howard Dean would've just sat down and taken this and conceded? No chance.

Kerry, however, did. He quit. He allowed the Bushies to get away with yet another crime. And the sad reality is it's not Kerry who lost, or will be the victim. It's us. WE lost on Tuesday, we WILL lose for the next four years, and it may be a miracle if four years from now we're still in one piece and have any hope of undoing the damage of eight years of the Bush/Cheney regime.

November 2, 2004 may go down as the darkest day in American history before it's all said and done.

Labels: A world gone mad, Bushwhacking, Corporate Assholes, Religious Right Ain't Right

Okay. Yeah. Since the election was yesterday, I suppose - as a candidate - I should make a statement.

(Madonna stumbles up to the podium in black leather, carrying a bottle of vodka, cigarette dangling from her mouth).

America, as the Material Party's candidate, I would like to speak to you for a few minutes.

Senator Kerry, a man who has no clue of what's best for America, may have conceded. But I have not!

I know so far that I've supposedly only received eleven votes, but I know many, many, MANY more of you voted for change, peace and freedom yesterday. After all, I sold 150 million CD's, and I know many of you voted for me. The Republicans and Democrats, both of whom fear and resent me, have gone out of their way to supress those votes.

Americans are fed up with the direction the Corporate Party has taken this great nation in the last four years. They are tired of the war and hate, tired of the disrespect shown to our Constitution, tired of the bigotry of our government, and tired of the abuse upon Mother Earth. I have pledged to turn this country around, and I will not waver! I will even blow the dust and cobwebs off my collection of whips and chains...

Or something.

I not only refuse to admit defeat, but am demanding a recount in ALL FIFTY STATES! I will take it to the highest court in the land! I will not rest until I know ALL the votes are counted, because I know when they are that the result will be victory for me, victory for the Material Party, and VICTORY FOR AMERICA! No longer will America live under the tyranny and opression of the Corporate Party!

America is for all of us, and I will not rest until I return this nation to it's people. No longer will it exist only for corporate lords like Bill Gates and thugs like George Bush!

I look forward to serving as your president, and restoring America to it's greatness. I will not rest until my votes are counted, and I will become your next president!

Victory will be ours!

(Madonna stumbles away, gulping down more vodka...)

Labels: Bushwhacking, Corporate Assholes, Smoking In The Girls' Room

Four more years of Bible as law, Christianity or else leadership.

Four more years of war without end, mass murder for corporate profits.

Four more years of destroying the Constitution and civil liberties.

Four more years of open hatred toward gays, liberals, non-conformists, pacifists and people who actually understand and give a fuck about what America is supposed to mean.

Four more years of Corporation Uber Alles, where the rights of billionaires are more important than the rights of people.

Four more years of education, Social Security, health care, consumer and employee protection laws being flipped the bird.

Four more years of nonstop lies and deception and fraud from a band of psychopaths who are supposed to WORK for us, not ENSLAVE us.

Four more years of being terrorized by our own government.

Four more years of open bigotry.

Four more years of HELL.

We are so fucked.

Someone please pass the hemlock...

Labels: A world gone mad, Bushwhacking, Corporate Assholes, Religious Right Ain't Right

Just swap "Florida" with "Ohio", replace "Gore" with "Kerry" (the fascist chimpanzee, of course, remains the same), and change the year to 2004. Otherwise, it's the same old fucking song.

The only thing I need less than another one of these fiascos is four more years of living in this hell known as Bush's grand vision of America.

I should've just kept on drinking last night...

Labels: A world gone mad, Bushwhacking, Corporate Assholes

Holiday
Celebrate
Holiday
Celebrate

It will be a holiday
When Bush is voted away
He'll be out of our lives
It will be
It will be so nice

No more Bush is the word
It's a Goodbye George celebration
All across the world
In every nation
Bring back the good times
An end to Bush's bad times, oh yeah
Today we come together
To end Dubya's pressure
We need a holiday

It will be a holiday
When Bush is voted away
He'll be out of our lives
It will be
It will be so nice

We can turn this world around
And bring back all of those Bush-free days
Vote his trouble down
It's time to celebrate
Let love shine
And peace we'll find
If we snub Bush together
We'll make things better
We need a holiday

It will be a holiday
When Bush is voted away
He'll be out of our lives
It will be
It will be so nice

Holiday
Celebrate
Holiday
Celebrate

We have got to work together

Holiday
Celibrate
Holiday
Celebrate

It will be a holiday
When Bush is voted away
He'll be out of our lives
It will be
It will be so nice

Holiday
Celebrate
Holiday
Celebrate

Holiday
Celebration
We hate Bush in every nation

Labels: Bushwhacking, Madge Worship, Parodies

Fitting - not only the latest song parody, but where my computer has been pushing me.

I've been fighting with an issue of Blue Screens of Death since building the new system - only caused when running peer-to-peer software. I tried every imaginable idea - drivers, reinstalling Windows, going back to my old Ethernet card instead of running the on-board Ethernet on my motherboard. No success.

I finally tried the last idea imaginable - updated the on-board Ethernet with the latest manufacturer's drivers, and flashed the BIOS for the motherboard. 22 1/2 hours later, no BSOD. I'm not ready to call it "fixed" yet, but it's close. If I return from shopping with my friend and still have a system up and running - which would put me close to 27 hours of non-stop P2P operation - I'll consider it a success. I'll then reinstall Windows, my drivers, my necessary software and consider everything resolved.

I'm two days behind on KenJen updates, and had hoped to parody most - or all - of Madonna's 80's hits to bash Bush before the election. Obviously, this threw a monkey wrench into everything. :/

However, this morning, I got "Borderline" finished, and if all goes well, I at least want "Holday" done in the next 24 hours - after all, the day Bush leaves office WILL be a holiday!


Something in the way Bush scares me won't let me be
I don't want to be a prisoner
So Dubya won't you please just flee
Stop playing Hitler's part
Quit before you start
For years you have made me frown
Go away you stupid dope
With you there's no hope
Nothing's good with you around

Bush, time to understand
I've taken all I can
'Cuz I want there to be peace

Borderline
Feels like I'm going to lose my mind
You just keep on pushing the fear
Over the borderline
Borderline
Feels like I'm going to lose my mind
You just keep on pushing the fear
Over the borderline

Cease these fear games you're playing
We all know that you are crazy
You just keep on pushing the fear
Over the borderline

Something in your mind is scarin' the hell out of me
When you open up your mouth you show that you don't want us free
But you've let us all down
When I look around
Love and peace just can't be found
Stop driving me insane
I hope you go away
That's something I just got to say

Bush, time to understand
I've taken all I can
What I want is to be free

Borderline
Feels like I'm going to lose my mind
You just keep on pushing the fear
Over the borderline
Borderline
Feels like I'm going to lose my mind
You just keep on pushing the fear
Over the borderline

Cease these fear games you're playing
We all know that you are crazy
You just keep on pushing the fear
Over the borderline

Look what your hate has done to me
Come on Dubya, set us free
You just keep on pushing the fear
Over the borderline
You've caused me so much pain
I think I'm going insane
What does it take for you to leave?
You just keep on pushing the fear
Over the borderline

Labels: Bushwhacking, Madge Worship, Mi Vida Loca, Parodies

Better look out - someone's unleased their inner Madonna again!


Bush is an unlucky star
'Cuz things go to shit wherever you are
I just think of you and my anger grows
And you're not too bright
And Dubya, you blow

Not right.. Not bright.. Said something dumb tonight
Not right.. Not bright.. Things are not all right
Not right.. Not bright.. Said something dumb tonight
Not right.. Not bright.. Things are not all right

Bush is an unlucky star
'Cuz you make peace and love seem so far
And we're all lost and know you lied
We all turn around and see more have died

Not right.. Not bright.. Said something dumb tonight
Not right.. Not bright.. Things are not all right
Not right.. Not bright.. Said something dumb tonight
Not right.. Not bright.. Things are not all right

Come on, resign in disgrace tonight
'Cuz we know you'll never make anything all right

Come on, resign in disgrace tonight
'Cuz we know you'll never make anything all right

You are the unlucky star
But we're unluckiest by far

Not right.. Not bright.. Said something dumb tonight
Not right.. Not bright.. Things are not all right

Labels: Bushwhacking, Madge Worship, Parodies

Later tonight, the World Series begins. Boston is of course looking to end their 86 year drought and win the World Series for the first time since World War I. After the ALCS - the miraculous comeback, finally beating the Yankees - it should seem like a piece of cake. The key is not to relax too much or get over-confident...

My inner "Material Girl" is telling me Boston in 5. They'll take the first two at home, lose game 3 after another poor outing by Pedro Martinez, then take the next two. St. Louis' rotation has been pitching over their heads all year, and I think they'll finally be exposed by Boston.

Where's The Party? It'll be in Massachusetts sometime next week...

Cheer for the Packers on Halloween. Since 1936, the outcome of the Boston/Washington Redskins' final home game before the election has forecasted the outcome of the presidental election. When the Redskins win their last pre-election home game, the incumbant party wins. When they lose, the incumbants lose.

So, if the trend continues, a Green Bay win on the 31st should signal a Bush defeat on November 2.

There's never been a tie, by the way. Would a tie mean that Ralph Nader will win? Or maybe even that I would win?!

Speaking of which, I tried to get into the third and final debate. They wouldn't let me! I think I could've put both Bush and Kerry in their places, and really boost my election chances. But, they refused. Kept saying something about how "Kids will be watching" and "indecency" and "We know what you did on Letterman"...

Damn. I think I would've done well, and made it lots of fun... Let's face it - Bush and Kerry were scared of debating me.

Speaking of election stupidity: Voters in Arlington, TX are being asked to not wear any Dallas Cowboys clothing, and will be forced to put on a smock to cover up their clothing while voting if they do show up wearing Cowboys clothing. The reason? A $650 million initiative on the ballot that would finance a new stadium for the Cowboys. They fear that voters wearing Cowboys shirts or jerseys or hats or whatever could "sway" other voters. Ridiculous. Who in the heck goes to a polling place and changes their mind because of a shirt? They're either going to vote to finance the new stadium or not.

You're telling me nobody's ever gone to vote while wearing a T-Shirt of the candidate they support?

Does this mean I can't wear my Girlie Show or Drowned World Tour or Blonde Ambition T-Shirt, or my "I Have A Madonna Complex" shirt that's on it's way, if I intend to go and vote for myself?

I should tell my father (who is opposed to the stadium proposal) to show up in a Cowboys jersey, then tell them "What are you talking about? I want to vote AGAINST it!" when they hassle him about the jersey just to see how they'd react to that...

Thanks to Rob for fixing the Herald/Post covers post and getting the Herald cover restored. :)

Labels: Bushwhacking, Corporate Assholes, Madge Worship, Sports

Many years ago, Bobby Brown sang "You want somethin' done, gotta do it's yourself!"...

Fed up with the bumbling stupidity of Dumb And Dumber - our presidental candidates, Maddy has decided to throw her black leather cap into the ring and announce her candidacy for president.

Disgusted with the direction America has gone in under the Corporate Party (the combined Democrat/Republican parties), I've decided to do something myself to move this country toward a bright, new future.

If elected, I will:

End the "War On Terrorism". War doesn't destroy terrorism, it breeds it. Each bomb that drops, each missile that's launched only results in MORE people who hate America. The best defense is NOT a good offense, it's a good defense. It's time to focus on protecting ourselves, not wasting innocent people to "keep the evil ones" away.

Besides, LOVE makes the world go 'round...

Abolish the PATRIOT ACT. The PATRIOT ACT doesn't stop terrorists, it stops the civil rights of innocent people. It should be called the UNAMERICAN ACT, because it deficates all over the Constitution.

Civil and equal rights for all. We'll work to end all forms of discrimination, whether it be in the workplace, or in society. No longer will gays not have the same rights as hetrosexuals, no longer will the government endorse and support a class war to oppress and cheat the poor, sick and elderly. This country is supposed to be the land of the free - and it's time for it to truly become one.

Focus on protecting the environment. Our environment is being destroyed by multi-zillion dollar corporations who care about nothing the environment or well being of this planet. It's time for that to end. This world belongs to all of us, and it shouldn't be ruined for the sake of corporate profits. We'll also push toward finding alternative and cleaner means of fuel. Clean air, clean water and safe food should be rights, not priveledges.

Put the focus on social programs. While America has been "showing it's strength" to the rest of the world, it's been deteriorating from within. Education is declining, streets and cities are falling apart, and more and more people are without health care and often go hungry, or find themselves in unsafe housing. We will work to bring a LIVING wage to America, not just a "minimum wage". What good are we to the rest of the world if we're in poor shape ourselves? How is it fair to expect citizens to pay taxes here while their money goes to the rest of the world?

Which brings us to...

Balancing the budget and LOWERING taxes. Corporate welfare? Gone, unless they want to pay their share of the taxes. Defense spending? Slashed. We have enough military might (might don't make right) to destroy the world 100 times over. Why must we continue to spend over $400,000,000,000 a year?

American citizens pay over 6/7 of the taxes in this country, yet receive less than 1/8 of the benefits. The corporations, who pay a very minute share, receive nearly 50% of the budget in the form of benefits and corporate welfare. It's time we get what we pay for, and they get what they deserve. We should not be paying for their benefits while going without ourselves.

Penalties against companies who outsource or move factories out of the US. These companies expect us to do business with them and help them profit, yet hurt the American economy by ditching US workers for cheap overseas labor. That needs to end. America LOST jobs under Bush, and that trend appears likely to continue under Bush or Kerry. Screwing American workers (and your potential customers) will only weaken the American economy even further.

The end of the war on drugs. I have never used drugs in my life, but imprisonment and snooping on American citizens isn't the answer. Treatment and prevention is. And for those who choose to get wasted anyway? Prescribe the drugs to them, so they don't go around robbing people or buying/selling drugs and endangering innocent people. I am all for stricter punishment against anyone who commits a crime under the influence of a narcotic or alcohol. But otherwise, it's their body, let them mess it up - in their own space and own time.

A FULL investigation into Bush, Cheney, Bechtel, Enron, Halliburton, et al. This includes a real investigation into 9/11. 3,000 people died, and we deserve to know the truth. We also deserve to know the truth on Bush and Cheney, their corporate pals, Iraq, and why they were given carte blanche to profit at will, while bilking Americans and endangering lives in their pursuit of money.

Regulations against the corporations monopolizing the media. Nearly all media outlets - TV stations, radio stations, newspapers, magazines, even record labels - are under the control of a handful of giant corporations. They control what you see, read, and hear. It's time to return freedom to the press and to the people by breaking up these conglomorates, which is truly the only way to return "fair and balanced" news to America.

Removing corporate influence from Washington. America is supposed to OF the people, BY the people, FOR THE PEOPLE. Corporations should not have a louder or stronger voice than citizens, or be granted special rights than the people don't have. They shouldn't be allowed to influence the direction of the government and the nation more than the American people, and under our administration, they won't. No more special interest money, no more buying votes, no more being held above the people that this nation truly belongs to. We will be a voice FOR the people, not Microsoft, Wal-Mart and Nike.

My running mate is Jello Biafra, former frontman of the Dead Kennedys and an active public speaker/activist since 1987. He was nominated by the Green Party of New York in the 2000 election.

And the rest of my cabinet, if elected:

Chief Of Staff: Eric Hunter
Head of Environmental Protection Agency: Sherrie Austin
Trade Representitve: Jerry West
Head of Office of National Drug Control Policy: Ricky Williams
National Security Advisor: Michael Dorn
Secretary Of Agriculture: Ophah Winfrey
Secretary of The Interior: Michael Moore
Secretary of Commerce: Ralph Nader
Attorney General: John Grisham
Secretary of Defense: Michael Cooper
Secretary of Labor: Jimmy Hoffa Jr.
Secretary of Education: Ken Jennings
Secretary of State: Noam Chomsky
Secretary of Energy: James "Scotty" Doohan
Secretary of Transportation: Dale Earnhardt Jr.
Secretary of Health: William "Refrigerator" Perry
Secretary of the Treasury: Mark Cuban
Secretary of Veterans Affairs: Mike Farrell
HUD Secretary: Jimmy Carter

So, go out there and Cause A Commotion! Rock The Vote! Reinvent America!

(This message paid for by... me.)

Labels: A world gone mad, Bushwhacking, Corporate Assholes, Madge Worship, Reinvention, The Stormin' Mormon