Seems that BlogExplosion Radio (the online station entertaining us crazy insomniacs) is on a bad song marathon - one so bad it's inspired a contest asking us for our most hated song.

Sure, Shatner is an aquired taste, and Shatner has been known to cause insanity in some people, but at least Shat Man has never performed:

The Barney "I Love You" song
"My Heart Will Go On"
"Oops I Did It Again"
"MMMBop"
"Achy Breaky Heart"
"Wannabe"

For this, I am eternally grateful.

Still, I'd pay real money for Shatner to perform "Material Girl" or "Like A Virgin"...

Listening to: "Mr. Tambourine Man" and "Has Been" by Shat Man

Labels: Blogathon 2007, Madge Worship, Parodies, Shatner On Acid, Stupid Band Tricks

Because after all, you haven't really made it to the top until you've made it onto MAD.

Listening to: "Love On The Run" by Emmy & The Emmys

Labels: Blogathon 2007, Madge Worship, Parodies, Reinvention

Hard to believe we've gone through eighteen hours, but indeed we have. Basically, we've reached third base, now I just need to make it home...

KS has done a good job tonight of unintentionally inspiring topics, and he struck again - by putting up a link to "eBay" by Weird Al...

Mind you, eBay has contributed lots of good things to my collections: Madge posters, Madge T-Shirts, boots... But it goes without saying that things can get a little weird there...

You know, like the people who have claimed to list celebrities' used underwear... Or tissues... Or even things like The Earth, the "Runaway Bride" piece of toast or even Elian Gonzales' networking card...

I don't know what cracks me up more: The fact people list these things, or the fact people bid on them! Wow... And I thought I had too much time on my hands.

For some laughs, check out WhatTheHeck.com's Weird eBay Auction Wherehouse. Great stuff!

Listening to: "eBay" by Weird Al Yankovic

Wow.. It's now July 30 here on the West Coast!

Labels: Blogathon 2006, Boot Worship, Madge Collecting, Parodies

Well, Mr. 74 got himself back in the press this week - mainly because some people can't tell the difference between a serious post, and a spoof.

Last week, Ken Jennings made a post on his blog, giving all sorts of outrageous, over-the-top solutions to things Jeopardy! viewers complain about, and even made some outlandish statements like suggesting Alex Trebek was killed in a fiery crash and replaced by the Trebektron 4000.

I mean, honestly. The post comes across as the kind of thing I'd post - wacky, outrageous and so far out in left field that even one of Mark McGwire's steroid-fueled home runs couldn't reach it...

But what has floored me has been the number of people (including some reporters and columnists) who have assumed this post was serious and have blasted Ken for being "ungrateful" and "disrespectful".

C'mon, people. Ken's post is about as serious as me blasting the media for how they treat me (as opposed to "me", AKA Esther Madge). When did people forget how to tell the difference between serious commentary and satire?

This whole fiasco brings to mind the time Catherine Crier (of Court TV) stuck her foot in her mouth a few years ago...

Catherine reported live on Court TV about Steven Bosell suing the Department Of Homeland Security shortly after the whole "We have a threat of a biological attack. Use duct tape and plastic sheeting to seal your doors and windows if there is an attack."

(Mmmm... Duct tape. Wait, did I just say that? Shit. Here I go again... :P)

Anyway, according to the lawsuit, Bosell wrapped his genitals up in duct tape, then experienced excrutiating pain when he removed the tape. He then decided to sue the DHS for infliction of emotional distress.

There's just one little problem... The lawsuit did't exist.

In fact, Steven Bosell doesn't even fucking exist.

Bosell is a character on Phil Hendrie's radio show, voiced by Hendrie himself. He was created to spoof all these outrageous lawsuits, and among other "cases", he's also "sued" Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson for the Super Bowl Boobiegate, and Debbie Gibson for posing in Playboy.

What's even more pathetic is that my friend Sydney has been a long-time fan of Hendrie's show, and had connections to Court TV. When he found out they were going to run the story, he called and warned them not to.

They didn't listen.

I swear, the media has their heads up their asses sometimes. And people wonder why I refuse to jump everytime the media reports something about Esther Madge? Easy: They can't tell when Ken Jennings is being a smart-ass, and they can't take a few minutes to figure out whether Steven Bosell's "lawsuit" (or even Bosell himself) really exist.

That deserves a fucking sheesh.

Listening to: "Axel F" by Harold Faltermeyer, "Take It To The Limit" by The Eagles

Labels: Blogathon 2006, Parodies, Presstitutes, The Stormin' Mormon

This was pushed back a bit recently with some heavier updates as of late (Doris, James Doohan). However, apparently the war over "indecency" on the airwaves is still alive and well - unfortunately.

The British Broadcasting Corporation, which carried the Live 8 concerts earlier this month, received several hundred complaints over "bad language" during the coverage of the live events - the majority of the complaints being over Snoop Doggy Dogg (who refused to censor or change his lyrics), and yours truly.

Madonna, AKA me, started off her concert by shouting "ARE YOU FUCKING READY, LONDON!?", and at another point tried to fire up the crowd by dropping a couple more f-bombs, and signalled "We're #1!" - except she used her middle finger.

This, of course, has been one of those hot topic issues in the last couple of years, especially thanks to the FCC attacking Howard Stern, and the controversy over Janet's Boobiegate at last year's Super Bowl.

I have a problem with this, and not just because I do my share of swearing (see left). It's because of the hypocritical standards in which the decency laws seem to be enforced anymore.

For instance:

Why is it that Howard Stern gets fined (and dropped from Clear Channel) for using code words for sexual activity on the air, but graphic, detailed discussions of strange sexual behavior doesn't get Oprah Winfrey fined?

Why is it such a big deal for me to yell "ARE YOU FUCKING READY, LONDON!?" on live television, but nobody did shit when Dick "The Big Dick" Cheney told Patrick Leahy "Go fuck yourself" in the Senate - which was broadcasted live on C-SPAN?

Think about this. Think real hard about this. What do YOU find more offensive: Half a second of Janet Jackson's boob - complete with sun-shaped nipple shield? Or, those hatemongers with a Bible, Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell, blaming the murder of 3,000 people (9/11) on gays, lesbians, abortion, the seperation of church and state, feminists, and the ACLU? I'm sorry, but I for one am far, FAR more offended by the hatred and bigotry that Falwell and Robertson spewed - and using 3,000 dead people as an excuse to spew it, no less. Yet, I don't see the FCC raising holy living hell over that like they did with Boobiegate.

So, at this point, I'll let Eric Idle take over. A couple years ago, he wrote and recorded a great bit of satire, called "The FCC Song" (which is available for FREE download at his official website. The direct link to the song is here.

ARE YOU FUCKING READY, INTERNET?!

Here's a little number I wrote the other day while out duck hunting with a judge (quack!)

Fuck you very much the FCC
Fuck you very much for fining me
Five thousand bucks a fuck so I'm really out of luck*
That's more than Heidi Fleiss was charging me

So fuck you very much the FCC
For proving that free speech just isn't free
Clear Channel's a dear channel
So Howard Stern must go
Attorney General Ashcroft doesn't like strong words and so
He's charging twice as much as all the drugs for Rush Limbaugh
So fuck you all so very much

So fuck you very much dear Mr. Bush
For heroically sitting on your tush
For Halliburton, Enron, all the companies who fail
Let's send them a clear signal and stick Martha straight in jail
She's an uppity rich bitch and at least she isn't male
So fuck you all so very much

So fuck you dickhead Mr. Cheney too
Fuck you and fuck everything you do
Your pacemaker must be a fake
You haven't got a heart
As far as I'm concerned your just a pasty-faced old fart
And as for Condoleezza she's an intellectual tart
So fuck you all so very much

So fuck you very much the EPA
For giving all Alaska's oil away
It really is a bummer
When I can't fill my Hummer
The ozone's a no-go zone now that Arnold's here to say
"Ze nuclear winter games are going to take place in L.A."
So fuck you all so very much

So what the planet fails
Let's save the great white males
And fuck you all so very much (quack!)

* Cash register dings in the background, showing $730,000 on it. D'OH! (Thank goodness the FCC ain't in charge of decency on the Internet - yet!)

Labels: Fuck You Very Much The FCC, Madge Worship, Parodies, Religious Right Ain't Right

Maddy, of course, hasn't had the warmest of relationships with Letterman over the years. And, you know, maybe I was a little wrong for going on his show, harassing him about sex (but the guy wouldn't shut up about my sex life!), swearing 14 times (now you know why I have a profanity counter here) and smoking a cigar (I'll stick to Misty 120's from now on).

And, sure, I told him "incidentally" that he "was a sick fuck" on that infamous appearance in 1994. But, now, I really mean it.

Apparently, David Letterman thinks death is funny.

The day of James Doohan's death, Letterman decided it'd make great comedy. According to multiple sources on two different forums, the following took place:

Letterman started off mentioning Doohan's passing. After a few seconds of silence, Letterman gets that infamous shit-eating grin on his face and tells the audiance "Hey, I've got great footage from Scotty's funeral!". The audience, as sick as Letterman, started laughing.

What we see next is a cartoon. The theme to the original Star Trek is playing, and we see space. A hearse flies by with the Enterprise's warp nacelles on top of it. The audience went nuts.

I'm sure glad that a man dying of Alzheimer's, leaving behind seven children and a wife, brings so much amusement to the lives of David Letterman and his audience.

This just seems to be the attitude in today's society anymore. Death is something to laugh at. Why? Why not! After all, as the thugs and assholes who have taken over this world like to say, "That's on you!". In other words, since something doesn't directly affect them, why give a shit?

I am sure Letterman would not be laughing if I did a skit during one of my concerts, making fun of his mother if she died.

This isn't the first time I've witnessed this kind of shit in the mainstream corporate entertainment industry/media in recent years. I refuse to listen to, or watch, sports talk host/major league asshole Jim Rome, and have for years. Why? The guy has sat there on the air, reading and telling jokes about athletes right after they've died (Joe DiMaggio comes immediately to mind).

It makes me sick to see how heartless this society has become, and that assholes like Jim Rome and David Letterman feel the need to stoke the flames of cruelty and nastiness.

Some things are funny. Stupid pet tricks are funny. Rome calling John Elway "Mr. Ed" because of his teeth is funny. Me going on Letterman and swearing 14 times is hilarious...

Death, however, is not funny.

David Letterman, you are a sick fuck.

Incidentally, Jim Rome, you are a sick fuck, too.

Labels: A world gone mad, Parodies

As some of you know, I am not much of a fan of current music, for a long list of reasons - bad singing, bad writing, artists who go through the motions with the passion of a five dollar hooker, just waiting for their huge paycheck.

And, another reason is in recent years - much like the movie industry - music has become remake city. Why bother wasting the time and energy to come up with something unique or special when you can just take someone else's hit and re-record it?

And, with that, I'd like to "spotlight" on a couple of recent remakes that made my stomach turn...

And, we'll start with Big & Rich. They are a country duo that consists of John Rich and Kenny Alphin. Big & Rich are a member of the "Muzik Mafia", a group of country artists who have united to keep country "traditional" and focus on freedom of expression.

Big & Rich seem to have an interesting idea of expressing themselves... And seem to have an interesting idea on what song they should remake.

Apparently, they thought it would sound good if they took a certain hit song from 1984, originally recorded by a certain controversial pop star, and made famous by a certain controversial MTV Video Awards performance in September of 1984, with said artist rolling around on stage in a wedding dress with a "Boy Toy" belt buckle (gee, who could THAT be?!).

That's right - if you've ever wanted to hear a slow, twangy, country version of "Like A Virgin" performed by a male duet, well, wait no longer! Big & Rich delivers...

Unfortunately, that delivery is about as pleasing as the answer to what Brown can do for you. While I am not totally anti-country nor closed-minded to it, I was not impressed in the least.

Big & Rich, PLEASE stick to what you normally do, and leave my music alone.

Oh my God! Kenny killed... me! You bastard!

Not wanting to be outdone, Jessica "Is Chicken Of The Sea tuna or chicken?" Simpleson - err, I mean, Simpson decided to add her own crappy remake.

The least talented and dumbest person in professional music (I am convinced she's lower than Britney Spears at this point), who already has gotten far more attention that she deserves lately (thanks to a crappy movie remake, of course), decided to not only remake a 60's classic, but totally twist the meaning of it.

As not only a fan of 60's rock and pop, but as a major boot slut (See? I admit it!), how can I not love Nancy Sinatra's "These Boots Are Made For Walkin'"? However, that sure as hell is NOT how I feel about Jessica's pathetic remake...

The song was a tough, feminist, take no shit song. It is NOT a cutesy, come-hither, sex kitten song. However, Jessica, who doesn't know the difference between chicken and tuna, doesn't seem to get that either, because that is exactly how she butchered this classic song.

Needless to say, I am not impressed. In fact, the only thing I'm not sure of which song I'm least impressed with - Big & Rich's "Like A Ripoff", or Jessica's "These Brains Weren't Made For Walkin'". I just know I am tired of hearing crappy, pathetic, poorly performed remakes - and there have been far too many over the years.

I am not totally anti-remake, mind you. I have heard artists who have done very good remakes. Sherrie Austin's cover of "Jolene" was great. My cover of "Imagine" was awesome (but I can't say the same for "American Pie"). There are many other examples: Van Halen's "You Really Got Me", Soft Cell's "Tainted Love", and a long list of others.

But, the more recent remakes seem to be crap. Maybe it's because you have artists going so far to put their own spin on the song that it totally trashes the original, or maybe it's just today's industry of crappy, passionless artists who merely see the remake as a chance to get a quicky hit and more money - since, after all, that's all today's artists seem to give a damn about.

However, I would like to end this with the song universially considered to be the worst remake ever - and in the opinion of some people may even be the WORST song ever. However, I'm not sure I'll agree. Let's just call it, uhh, a 79 on the (from 1 to 10) scale of unintentional comedy...

The recipe for this comic classic:

One legendary starship captain
One Beatles' classic
Liberal amounts of Lysergic Acid Diethylamide
Talentless female backup singers

Combime captain, lyrics to Beatles song and backup singers in one recording studio, add LSD, turn on microphone and let the insanity begin.

Once finished, press recording onto LP, release. Watch album go quickly out of print. Watch song become a cult classic and be heavily traded on the Internet 30 years later.

The result of this recipe? I'm sorry, but this just can't be put into words, no matter how I try. My advice is to click here and experience this for yourself...

(WARNING! I am not responsible for any psychological trauma, nor uncontrollable urge to repeatedly listen and laugh. Listen at your own risk!)

If you haven't heard this song before, do so. I can guarantee you that you have never heard anything like this in your life. And if you have heard it? Listen again.. And again.. And again. Shatner is the gift that keeps on giving!

Labels: Parodies, Shatner On Acid, Stupid Band Tricks

Found this today on the St. Louis Post-Dispatch's forum.

I've also added a new link today: Check out MadRussian's enlightening blog Dump Martz!.

PLAYOFFS?! Don't talk about playoffs! Are you kidding me?! PLAYOFFS?!


Every fan in The Lou-ville liked winning a lot...

But the MARTZ, Who coached the Rams of The Lou-ville,
Did NOT!

The MARTZ hated winning!
The whole football season!

Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that his head wasn't screwed on quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that he coached until his team had no fight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his brain was two sizes too small.

But, whatever the reason,
His coaching or brain,
He stood there on Sunday, hating the game,
Staring down from the sidelines with a sour, Martzy frown
At the talented players again on 4th down.
For he knew every fan in The Lou-ville would cry
While the NFL post season would be passing them by.

"I'm a coaching genius" he snarled with a sneer.
"Next month is the playoffs! They're practically here!"
Then he growled, "I don't need to coach defense... there's really no reason",
"No take aways won't keep us out of the post season!"
We'll keep playing prevent, there's no way that they'll run...

...Third and long comes a draw play and their down card read "1"
Such glee across the field, their coach was in heaven
And then! came more run plays and soon they had "7"
That's one thing he hated! The RUN! RUN! RUN! RUN!

Then the fans, young and old, would boo loud from the stands.
"Our Special Teams stink, put in someone with good hands!"
"We're tired of giving their team good positions!"
But the Martz wouldn't let them change his decisions

And THEN
He'd do something they liked least of all!
Every fan in The Lou-ville, the tall and the small,
Would watch from the stands, not cheering, but grumbling.
They'd stand hand-in-hand to watch the Special Teams fumbling!

Then the other team scored!
AND they'd SCORE! SCORE! SCORE! SCORE!
And the more the Martz thought of the score out of control
The more the Martz thought, "I should coach the ProBowl!"
"Why for years I've been coaching at this level of play!
Who cares if I win, as long as it's done...
...My WAY!!!"

Things still look bleak for the fans in The Lou
Try as they might, there's only one thing they can do
The front office can provide a happy ending if inspired
BOYCOTT THE GAMES AND MAD MARTZ WILL BE FIRED!!!

Labels: Meathead Martz, Parodies, Ram Pride, Sports

This comic was in the London Times a few years ago:

Labels: Madge Worship, Parodies

The following amusing photos were posted to William Tong's Boot Newt Sing Along blog. I decided to post them here for your amusement.

Labels: Bushwhacking, Parodies

Holiday
Celebrate
Holiday
Celebrate

It will be a holiday
When Bush is voted away
He'll be out of our lives
It will be
It will be so nice

No more Bush is the word
It's a Goodbye George celebration
All across the world
In every nation
Bring back the good times
An end to Bush's bad times, oh yeah
Today we come together
To end Dubya's pressure
We need a holiday

It will be a holiday
When Bush is voted away
He'll be out of our lives
It will be
It will be so nice

We can turn this world around
And bring back all of those Bush-free days
Vote his trouble down
It's time to celebrate
Let love shine
And peace we'll find
If we snub Bush together
We'll make things better
We need a holiday

It will be a holiday
When Bush is voted away
He'll be out of our lives
It will be
It will be so nice

Holiday
Celebrate
Holiday
Celebrate

We have got to work together

Holiday
Celibrate
Holiday
Celebrate

It will be a holiday
When Bush is voted away
He'll be out of our lives
It will be
It will be so nice

Holiday
Celebrate
Holiday
Celebrate

Holiday
Celebration
We hate Bush in every nation

Labels: Bushwhacking, Madge Worship, Parodies

Fitting - not only the latest song parody, but where my computer has been pushing me.

I've been fighting with an issue of Blue Screens of Death since building the new system - only caused when running peer-to-peer software. I tried every imaginable idea - drivers, reinstalling Windows, going back to my old Ethernet card instead of running the on-board Ethernet on my motherboard. No success.

I finally tried the last idea imaginable - updated the on-board Ethernet with the latest manufacturer's drivers, and flashed the BIOS for the motherboard. 22 1/2 hours later, no BSOD. I'm not ready to call it "fixed" yet, but it's close. If I return from shopping with my friend and still have a system up and running - which would put me close to 27 hours of non-stop P2P operation - I'll consider it a success. I'll then reinstall Windows, my drivers, my necessary software and consider everything resolved.

I'm two days behind on KenJen updates, and had hoped to parody most - or all - of Madonna's 80's hits to bash Bush before the election. Obviously, this threw a monkey wrench into everything. :/

However, this morning, I got "Borderline" finished, and if all goes well, I at least want "Holday" done in the next 24 hours - after all, the day Bush leaves office WILL be a holiday!


Something in the way Bush scares me won't let me be
I don't want to be a prisoner
So Dubya won't you please just flee
Stop playing Hitler's part
Quit before you start
For years you have made me frown
Go away you stupid dope
With you there's no hope
Nothing's good with you around

Bush, time to understand
I've taken all I can
'Cuz I want there to be peace

Borderline
Feels like I'm going to lose my mind
You just keep on pushing the fear
Over the borderline
Borderline
Feels like I'm going to lose my mind
You just keep on pushing the fear
Over the borderline

Cease these fear games you're playing
We all know that you are crazy
You just keep on pushing the fear
Over the borderline

Something in your mind is scarin' the hell out of me
When you open up your mouth you show that you don't want us free
But you've let us all down
When I look around
Love and peace just can't be found
Stop driving me insane
I hope you go away
That's something I just got to say

Bush, time to understand
I've taken all I can
What I want is to be free

Borderline
Feels like I'm going to lose my mind
You just keep on pushing the fear
Over the borderline
Borderline
Feels like I'm going to lose my mind
You just keep on pushing the fear
Over the borderline

Cease these fear games you're playing
We all know that you are crazy
You just keep on pushing the fear
Over the borderline

Look what your hate has done to me
Come on Dubya, set us free
You just keep on pushing the fear
Over the borderline
You've caused me so much pain
I think I'm going insane
What does it take for you to leave?
You just keep on pushing the fear
Over the borderline

Labels: Bushwhacking, Madge Worship, Mi Vida Loca, Parodies

Better look out - someone's unleased their inner Madonna again!


Bush is an unlucky star
'Cuz things go to shit wherever you are
I just think of you and my anger grows
And you're not too bright
And Dubya, you blow

Not right.. Not bright.. Said something dumb tonight
Not right.. Not bright.. Things are not all right
Not right.. Not bright.. Said something dumb tonight
Not right.. Not bright.. Things are not all right

Bush is an unlucky star
'Cuz you make peace and love seem so far
And we're all lost and know you lied
We all turn around and see more have died

Not right.. Not bright.. Said something dumb tonight
Not right.. Not bright.. Things are not all right
Not right.. Not bright.. Said something dumb tonight
Not right.. Not bright.. Things are not all right

Come on, resign in disgrace tonight
'Cuz we know you'll never make anything all right

Come on, resign in disgrace tonight
'Cuz we know you'll never make anything all right

You are the unlucky star
But we're unluckiest by far

Not right.. Not bright.. Said something dumb tonight
Not right.. Not bright.. Things are not all right

Labels: Bushwhacking, Madge Worship, Parodies

This used to be my playground
This used to be a frightening dream
This used to be the place I ran from
Where none of these wretched fiends
Are my friend
It's coming to an end
And I will no longer stay

Don't look back
Now my head's held high
It's time to fly
Because life is short
And as you know
I'm feeling old
And my heart was breaking
Good riddance to the past
They all can kiss my ass

This used to be my playground
This used to be a frightening dream
This used to be the place I ran from
Where none of these wretched fiends
Are my friend
It's coming to an end
And I will no longer stay

Live and learn
Well the years they flew
And I never knew
I was foolish then
In this awful mire
I began to tire
You're finally rid of me
I'm going to go away
Can say goodbye to yesterday (can say goodbye)

This used to be my playground
This used to be a frightening dream
This used to be the place I ran from
Where none of these wretched fiends
Are my friend
It's coming to an end
And I will no longer stay

All regrets
But I'm rid of you
You're not near me
Well then there's hope yet
I can see your face
In my former place
You're just a bad memory
Say goodbye to yesterday (bad dream)
Those are words I'm thrilled to say (I'm going away)

This used to be my playground
This used to be a frightening dream
This used to be the place I ran from
And I would pay to watch it be destroyed

This used to be our playground (used to be)
This used to be a frightening dream
This used to be the place I ran from
I'm rid of you and now I'm free

This used to be our playground (used to be)
This used to make me a basket case
This used to be the place I ran from
This used to be my wretched living space

This used to be our playground (used to be)
This used to be a frightening dream
This used to be the place we ran free
The best thing is I'm finally free
Soon you won't be here with me

(Or, to put it another way: I'm moving in five days!)

Labels: Madge Worship, Mi Vida Loca, Parodies